Premenstrual Stream-of-Consciousness  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
6/2/2006 12:48 pm

Last Read:
6/7/2006 7:04 pm

Premenstrual Stream-of-Consciousness

God, I wish my uterus would fucking drop its bloody load, already. I've never had regular periods, and the only two ways I've found to regulate my hormones have been either taking the pill, or getting fucked on a regular basis. I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago (thus, no fucking and no need for the pill,) and haven't bled since.

Instead, I've just been existing in PMS'y limbo. I'm puffy, I'm cranky, I'm tired, and I cry at the drop of a fucking hat. Anything will set me off: Spilling my glass of juice. The squirrel that keeled over and died in the neighbor's yard. (one week later, and it's still there. why don't you take care of that, you morbid fuck?) Ernie singing "Somebody Come and Play" on Sesame Street, this morning. (yes, I watched Sesame Street. No, I don't have any kids. I was feeling Nostalgic...shut the fuck up.)

Speaking of Sesame Street...what the fuck happened to this show? Sesame Street was where it was at, when I was little. It was the SHIT. Now, it's just shitty. I'll admit, there are still a couple of choice bits, such as The Adventures of Trash Gordon (Jee mo Cree, Gordon has been on Sesame Street since the Dawn of freaking Time. What do they do? Keep him in a vat of formaldehyde when the cameras aren't rolling?) as narrated by Oscar the Grouch. That was very clever. But since fucking when does the fucking pet worm fucking TALK?! That's no good at all.

And Elmo gets his own fifteen-minute SHOW?! WTF?! Kids these days must be borderline retarded. I HATED Elmo. Even at the age of four, I could tell that he was just an annoying little narcissistic fuck. Talking in the Third Person, like some kind of dickhead NBA star with an overinflated ego. "Elmo wants to draw a picture." "Elmo can count to three." Yeah? Well, whoopee shit. Elmo can kiss my ass.

The Cookie Monster is, like, 5000% cooler than Elmo. He's my hero. Where's his fucking show? Everyone should take a page from The Cookie Monster's book. He just doesn't give a fuck. You want to laugh at his googly eyes and broken english? Fine. He doesn't give two shits. Just give him the fucking cookies and get the fuck out of the way. And yeah, bitch, he's gonna eat the fucking plate, too. You have a problem with that? Well, you can go directly to hell. He's hungry. And no, Prarie Dawn (you waspy, anal-retentive, puritanical, repressed bitch,) it doesn't matter that the letter M isn't a cookie. If the Cookie Monster wants to eat it, he's gonna eat it. You can't stop him, because he's the fucking COOKIE MONSTER. Stop trying to control everything..

Holy shit. I need some chocolate ... and some Wheat Thins.


roxyanddoubled 49M/49F

6/2/2006 1:29 pm

Maybe you need a good female buddy who would lick your pussy and make you cum, and screw you with a dildo or strap on? Sounds like something to try, huh? What do you think>????


sfvppl818 replies on 6/2/2006 3:08 pm:
Okay, listen.
Are you pimping her out too? Because no woman without experience in this realm would come up with a comment like this, unless it was private.

rm_b2dnar 63M

6/2/2006 1:32 pm

Um, thanks for sharing.

Enjoyed your retro-perspective on Sesame Street. At least I will as soon as I clean up the coffee I just blew out of my nose while reading it!

(I always thought Prairie Dawn was a little stuck-up!)

You just made my day - Thanks!
B2


bipolybabe 56F

6/2/2006 1:39 pm

No doubt you'll accuse me of not having a sense of humor.

But, what bugs me about your blog is there's no context. Is this all about you? Or is it different characters at different times?

Your profile says "couple."

Yet now you say you haven't gotten laid in a while because of breaking up with your boyfriend. Enquiring minds wanna know. Do you really need to get laid or is he still the cutest guy under the sun?

I understand PMS limbo. I gotcha. And you're right. Fucking is the best remedy for PMS...and whatever else ails ya.

Now, I have a request. Please invent characters so we know which of your various selves is talking, e.g., the bitch fucking the wife next door, call her Simone; the single you, call her Elvia; the guy who knows the Sex God personally, call him, Milano, etc.

It's okay by me to be a Psycho Bitch and to have multiple personalities. (Life would be dull without all my friends by my side.)

Just let us know which one of you is showing up, okay?

Your humble (and confused) fan,

BPB

BPB

Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!


sfvppl818 replies on 6/2/2006 3:12 pm:
LOL.

Oh my head! Not you too, of all people! We do tend to shift things around without a hint of chronology or common sense. It's just a non-linear rant machine, with all the untreated ADD of a pinball machine on acid.

TTigerAtty 63M

6/2/2006 2:32 pm

I'm the COOKIE MONSTER! I can eat a box of those Girl Scout cookies in one sitting! No problem whatsoever! Thanks for offering your box!

I've been commenting here for a little while now. I don't know if we are good enough buddies to ask you this very sensitive question, and in your fragile condition, you may get pissed off at me and take back your Girl Scout cookies! That would be shame!

I'll just have to take that risk, however!

What I want to know is why is it that women feel so compelled and so very comfortable discussing their menstrual periods? I have often wondered that, but have never been at a great enough distance from a woman to ask. I always feared being hit over the head with the wine bottle, being tortured at the end of a burning candle or having my manhood summarily removed.


sfvppl818 replies on 6/2/2006 3:18 pm:
Women and the Art of Menstrual Cycle Maintenance

There are obvious contrasts to be found between the sexes here: hormones. Women have oestrogen. Men have testosterone. Oestrogen gets in the eyes whilst driving. Testosterone makes you forget birthdays, anniversaries and makes you waste time watching sports. Women are superior at tasks that require pin-point accuracy - dexterity at subtle tasks. Dudes are superior where strength and accuracy of throwing/hitting things counts (e.g. football).

Men have a Y chromosome, women do not. This is a cause of differentiation in the genetic diseases that affect the sexes. Then there is "the curse". Women have menstrual cycles; men have mother-in-laws.

That help?

rm_leegs56 56M

6/2/2006 3:04 pm

eat snack wells..i do low fat.


bipolybabe 56F

6/2/2006 3:36 pm

Okay, I'll read it as a game of pinball on acid and never look for Truth.

But, if you EVER start talkin' Truth, and you don't tell me, I'll be pissed

BPB

BPB

Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!


TTigerAtty 63M

6/2/2006 4:05 pm

sfvppl818 replies on 6/2/2006 5:18 pm:
Women and the Art of Menstrual Cycle Maintenance

There are obvious contrasts to be found between the sexes here: hormones. Women have oestrogen. Men have testosterone. Oestrogen gets in the eyes whilst driving. Testosterone makes you forget birthdays, anniversaries and makes you waste time watching sports. Women are superior at tasks that require pin-point accuracy - dexterity at subtle tasks. Dudes are superior where strength and accuracy of throwing/hitting things counts (e.g. football).

Men have a Y chromosome, women do not. This is a cause of differentiation in the genetic diseases that affect the sexes. Then there is "the curse". Women have menstrual cycles; men have mother-in-laws.

That help?

Thanks! Glad you didn't take the cookies back! I'm getting there! Just tell me one more thing, if you will? Do men talk about their mother-in-laws as much as women talk about their menstrual cycles? Hmmmm? Maybe we do?


walkinatmidnight 57M

6/7/2006 5:35 pm

You tear Elmo apart and give Zoe a pass? That is just wrong. Zoe deserves an unpinned hand grenade. For some real toxic whining, check out Caillou some time. Fucking unbearable.


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