My Daily Assticulation  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
4/25/2006 3:45 am

Last Read:
4/26/2006 3:20 pm

My Daily Assticulation

Every day I come here, despite the lemon-soaked spiked chains lashed to my wrists, despite the colobus monkey I’I've trained to regularly savage my genitals if it senses I’m even thinking of clicking my mouse. Some days I hold out longer than others, but eventually I end up here, soaked in coffee, condemning myself for not having the fortitude of a person of higher character.

Then I read, each topic sinking the hole in which I live a little lower:



“Are men really the insensitive pricks devoid of intelligent thought that they seem to be or are they actually disguising the elevated emotional/intellectual status that women CLEARLY posses and if so please send me an e-mail because I’ve been posting since the Paleozoic era and man being this elevated and in touch with what’s REALLY important about life is really lonely, etc. etc. etc.”

“Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: My trip to the yuppie coffee bar and how it fucked my marriage. Help!”


“I farted next to a church and it stank so a nun cursed Jehovah himself”

But I keep reading.

And posting.

And responding.

I’m helping out a 48 year-old man who hates his fat wife with reassuring statements of hope and support. Eventually I get vindictive and betray him, accuse him of being an unassertive, deformed man-child equipped with a bunch of excuses and a lizard penis that breaks off and regenerates when he gets stressed. Don’t ask me.

I’m angry.
I’m informative.
I’m a disenchanted yogi from India addicted to heroin.
I am the foremost reservoir of knowledge about which type of woman is the WORST in bed.
I am both intrigued and outraged by your refreshingly stupid racism.
I am training my colobus monkey to post for me.
I could care less.

One woman wants to know why men are stupid.
One man says we just are.
One man asks her to please his man-rod.
One man says bitch.

Four people take this post as a segue to introduce their socio-political perspectives on dumb white bitches, the white cock that dominates all it surveys, asian girls that serve the white cock in a misplaced symbol of eurogamatic ass-slappery, and how to serve the white cock in a majestic American cuisine known as “DickLoaf”

It’s enough to make me climb to the top of the closest building, whip your dick around like one of those flowing ribbons in that compulsory gymnastic event I can’t remember while alternating between fucking men, women, and emus simply so I can have the most enlightened perspective on all topics. I would then bare my buttocks, pull out a wireless laptop, and begin slapping my behind upon the keys, posting whatever nonsense my asscheeks had chosen to create.

Of course, nobody would notice. Well, maybe not.

MAYBE some enlightened granola would inform me that I am hateful and need to find my inner tree sloth before posting with my ass from the top of a building. Then some tie-wearing, lexus driving Aryan air biscuit would respond telling them to shut up and quit taxing the MONEY he makes at GroinSniff & Apathy Investments. Then, someone else would try to “lay down the law” with some common sense “no bullshit” directness that gets ignored on AdultFriendFinder like the bums they didn’t give any change to outside their place of employment.

And even then, you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. And you may find yourself in another part of the world. And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile. And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself - well ... how did I get here?

So what if that beautiful wife hocks her cooter on webcam with a dildo that seems more i-beam than sexual toy ... wallets and simple desires from bloated freaks in the bible belt who could not get laid with a blindfold and a box of date drugs - only because you want your woman to have a "real" career so she can pay off the debt for her fake bouncy melons that you show off twice a year at the same company functions. Then, she finds it all offensive to share comments about sex so hypocrite-like ... while wondering loudly when the next time you can share another hot night out at the swinger club.

The one where you let her hang on a stripper pole while other men get to feel her up real good, diving for that pair of silicon wonders that were a bargain at $8k. She's getting more shaken, right then ... eyes open wide from fear as one of the freaks bends her over to accept his cock and another plugs her mouth with his cock to muffle her unwillingness to proceed with another you couldn't acknowledge. Or wouldn't ... only because your world is overcome with thoughts of taking those titties to 44DD's with a face lift and botox treatments to match, a quick way to increase the love of your life's profitability. You tell her, "you wanted it," when she returns naked and hysterical, just a little semen in her hair.

Watching her fuck another man intrigues you - not for hers or your instant pleasure - but because mommy gave you a lifetime gift called intuition issues. So what if that beautiful wife married a timebomb and the trigger just went BOOM. Your secret rage would allow you to bring in lots of other men that tore her in two ... until every man she encounters from here on out leaves her with fears unimaginable and a lifetime of therapy that just simply doesn't unfold.

Now the both of you stand at the edge of pure armageddon - your divorce - getting all defensive with a newly adopted Jesus fixation - pontificating like Our Savior himself, to the radical point of blaming each other for the 2.5 kids who need more pills to do school work each day than an average mental patient, just because you want to suppress your heavy contribution to Timmy's breakdown and chemically reduced desire for life.

Timmy will turn to hard drugs next. As soon as he becomes good friends with the kids who use black nail polish and color their hair as an expression. You believe there is a problem once a TV and two DVD machines go missing - then Timmy lands in rehab for the first of seven admissions into "I am not the problem, my mommy built this rage."

What a world.

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