Live in Shame No Longer  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
4/24/2006 1:01 pm

Last Read:
4/24/2006 1:21 pm

Live in Shame No Longer

As of late it has come to my attention that a lot of my fellow men suck at going down on girls. I think part of it comes from apathy; some of it comes from a lack of experience and some of it comes from a lack of understanding.

The apathy I cannot help with. Most likely if you don't care as to whether you're the greatest greatest she's ever had, you also don't care about things like how fast you can lap Willow Springs (1:30's with street tires). And that to me is just sad.

Understanding I can help with. I guess the most important piece of understanding is that male and female parts originate from the same embryonic tissues and the nerves that goto those tissues are reasonably similar. Knowing this gives us a common point of reference.

Here is how things roughly match up.
Female / Male
Clitoris / head of penis
Inner lips / shaft of penis
Outer lips / testacles
G-spot / something we don't reach

So for us to put light pressure on a clitoris is the same as if a girl were giving us light pressure on the head of our penis.

The way those nervous impulses are perceived by our brains is does not translate 100% the same way. For example, imagine sexual stimulus as entering keystrokes on a computer game. The object of the game is to hit the "H" key as many times as possible in a smooth and controlled manner. Well for guys H works, so do G, Y, U, J, N, B and maybe the space bar. So if you're in the neighborhood with what you are doing it's not as good as H but it's pretty good. For women H give a positive response but too much of G, Y, U, J, N, B will drown out the response given by H.

What does this mean? It means that we have to be spot on precise with what we are doing. What is H? H is both a spot and a speed of tonguing (which will vary with arousal). The spot to the best of my knowledge is pretty small. It is approximately 2.5mm below the clitoris and is about 10mm in size. This means when we are going down on her that the total swept area is only about 15-17mm in size and reaches from the clitoris/hood complex down.

The motion of licking should be slow-fast-slow. All of her hardware is complex and for complex systems the preferred rate is always slow-fast-slow. If you do not go slow-fast-slow she perceives it as a "sharp" feeling. As her arousal increases you will have to increase the rate at which your tongue is moving. Once she is close enough to orgasm the sharp feeling she can deal with but only once she's good-N-worked up. So this is H and everything else you do; tonguing the hole, nibbling in lips etc falls under the category of G, Y, U, J, N, B.

A word about rates. As with everything delta rate; the rate @ which your rate of licking changes is best changed slow-fast-slow. Think about your rates as a sinusoidal curve. Slow at first, fast getting her up on arousal and the slow towards the finish; optionally you can finish fast.

The entire time while you are doing this you're also sucking lightly just enough to engorge that critical 15-17mm area with blood, but not too hard as that is part of what leads to over stimulation.

A word about orgasms. When women orgasm it is different than when we orgasm. The uterus plays a large role in a normal healthy orgasm. It's muscular and it contracts. Much like a weight lifter with a weight belt; you can give the uterus something to push against which will increase the strength and intensity of orgasms. To do this you place your hand on her lower abdomen about where the uterus is and push firmly with the force being transmitted in about a 45 degree angle towards her upper body when she is close to orgasm. Note to be careful about doing this as a push in the wrong place or wrong orientation can and will make her want to pee.

A note about types of orgasm. Women have 2 distinct types of orgasm clitoral and vaginal. Clitoral orgasms are analogous to our orgasms. They are peaky, intense and generally it's not something that can happen for long stretches. They also have vaginal orgasms which are more like a wave of orgasm that flows over their body. Vaginal orgasms when stimulated properly can go on for hours. The most efficient way I have found for stimulating a vaginal orgasm is the G-spot it's a textured area inside the front/top of the vagina about a finger in and stroking with light/medium/hard/med/light pressure and well trimmed nails works wonderfully. You can also time your clitoral and vaginal stimulation so that they compliment each other.

The hardware and software that run both orgasms are different enough that you can stimulate both pathways which results in both orgasms happening together. The amount of stimulation for a vaginal orgasm is about 50% greater than a clitoral one so focusing on the licking approximately 50% more will get both orgasms to happen pretty close together. Oh; vanginal orgasms seem to work better when they are pushed to orgasm slowly, clitoral orgasms seem to work better when they are pushed over quickly (but not always)

Reading what her body is telling you is important. Things to watch out for are muscle contraction, noises, wetness, reddening of the lips, and body movement.

Her breathing and her body movement tell you the approximate speed that her body wants to be stimulated; for best effect you want to be close to this rate. As she get more aroused this rate will increase and as it increases the rate @ which your are stimulating her should increase also. Even rhythmic muscle contractions are good; they are what you are looking for. When you get an arrhythmic muscle contraction/and or arrhythmic noise chances are that you just did something that she doesn't like (hitting G, Y, U, J, N, so you don't do that again unless she says something differently. Wetness and reddening/warmth of the lips increasing through out tells you that you are indeed doing what you should be doing.

Interestingly one of the things that help with female orgasms is simply how relaxed they are going into sex. It's for this reason that I try to always spend 10-15 min giving a backrub and rubbing legs/feet before going down.

Every woman is different; what I've posted up will work for about 90% of the girls out there. The thing to note is that sometimes the nerves are wired differently which means that her center of pleasure; that critical 15-17mm will be in a different place. Generally she'll have a pretty good idea of where that is and will tell you if you ask.

Lastly I do a debriefing after. Questions like "what worked for you", "did I do anything that didn't help get you off", "when you did X, what was happening", etc. You’d be surprised what you can learn. Opentrackers have this, racers do this, and pilots landing on a carrier get each landing critiqued.

Hopefully this will help some girl explain to her guy what he needs to know. I've noticed that too often women have no freaking idea just what good cunnilingus feels like and are often pleasantly amused @ the different sensations they feel. I'll probably make more changes to this post as I think of other things to add to this rant.

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