Just don't call me Miss Construed!!  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
5/18/2006 12:36 am

Last Read:
5/19/2006 12:32 am

Just don't call me Miss Construed!!

Ok, ok, ok, I open with a quick acknowledgement. I am a horrible flirt. Terrible. Awful. Dreadful. Oh, it's not that I do it badly (at least not in my opinion), it's that I never can seem to pull it off without people thinking that I want to fuck them. Or even worse: date them. Why can't I just be cheeky for the hell of it?

It's not really flirting at all!

See, I can be one of the most affirming people that you will ever meet. I accomplish this by paying attention when people talk to me (although it might not seem like I am due to my never-ending commentary), complimenting them sincerely on their accomplishments and attractive attributes, and hinting that I might want to sleep with them. Hmmm... I wonder where they get confused? I suppose what I do is easier pulled off in person, where I can poke them in the ribs and wink, thereby conveying that I'm just being cutesy. But the internet and even the telephone lacks that physical presence and is painfully void of inflection. So I find myself getting misunderstood on a regular basis.

I started thinking about this as I was reading another website column on advice, from a reader named Becky Buffoon. She was writing about how she uses terms like "beautiful" or "hot stuff" when talking to female friends and having that attention be misconstrued as sexual interest. I'm similar to that (although mine are usually "muff", "darlin'" or "hun", just for the heads-up) in my interactions with friends. I mean, the terms in the deepest of sincerities; If I'm calling you a little nickname, you are special to me. It doesn't mean that I'm coming on to you. I think it's nice when someone shows affection in this way. There are some out there that find this kind of speech demeaning or condescending, but that's a whole different cesspool in itself.

I also am one of the most frank people that you will ever meet. I don't beat around the bush, I don't giggle behind my hand before uttering a sexual term and I don't say shit I don't mean. If I leave you a comment that mentions the fullness of your lips or the beauty of your rack, I mean what I say. I just get frustrated when people think that when I say something complimentary, it's a come-on. Suggesting that kissing you would be a pleasurable experience doesn't mean that I'm going to hop on a plane and fly thousands of miles to try it out. So yes, you're fine.... but get over yourself!

I like to think of flirting as a way to build up someone's self-esteem. It feels damn good to have someone tell you that you're attractive in some way to them. I'm never all that great at responding to compliments (as most women are) but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate hearing them. Problem with flirting is that most people use it with ulterior motives or sexual intentions. We've lost the ability to just be fun. In the age of "Sex and the City" where every move that we make is put under the microscope, we've forgotten the joys of acting like "Three's Company." Jack used to date a different girl every episode, but he wasn't a filthy lout for doing it. He was just having fun. Gahhhhh! Whatever happened to fun?!?!?!

This one dude had written me an e-mail saying "I could get lost in your legs for days" followed by a caplocked "Disclaimer" making sure that I was aware that he wasn't attempting to pick up on me. I ended up overreacting to something mentioned to me in a different e-mail and doing something similar, clarifying that I wasn't trying to get all down on anything. It makes me feel sad that we have to come down to this. But when most of our nation sits in front of a computer screen instead of meeting up after work, I suppose that's what needs to get done. Subtract the human interaction, add the asterisks framing the description of a physical action.

*Deep sigh* Or worse, *rolling eyes*, the ubiquitous smiley face.

As my new friends get to know me better, I hope they'll join the ranks of my other exasperated friends, learning that my flirtatious compliments are meant to flatter and not insult or suggest that I'm "hawt" for them. This counts for the guys and the girls. If I say something cheeky, just accept it graciously and shut the fuck up about it. Or to use the tried and true "girlspeak":

Just because I say I wanna fuck you, doesn't mean I want to "fuck you.... fuck you."

rm_abutoo2 45M
1078 posts
5/18/2006 12:48 am

Do you really think it has anything to do with the fact that we sit in front of computer screens or more to do with the idiot people who are willing to take someone to court and sue them over friviolous stupid shit?
I don't do quite a bit just because I know that someone out there is looking for a poor schmoe that they can take to the cleaners. And you never know when you'll get that sexual harrassment charge slapped against you for making an idle comment. When did something innocent like "can I throw you on your desk and eat your pussy until you rip my head off as you come," become harrassment?

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