Don't Tell Me About My Asshat Fetish, You Beeyotch Hound!  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
5/18/2006 3:05 am

Last Read:
6/16/2006 7:24 am

Don't Tell Me About My Asshat Fetish, You Beeyotch Hound!

Gather around children. I've just figured something else out about life.

Curtain.
Faint diffuse light.
Speaker stands well off centre downstage audience left.
White hairs, white nightgown, white socks.
Two metres to his left, same level, same height, white foot of pallet bed.
Ten seconds before speech begins.
Thirty seconds before end of speech lamplight begins to fail.
Lamp out. Silence. SPEAKER, globe, foot of pallet, barely visible in diffuse light.
Ten seconds.
Spotlight focuses on steaming plate of shit, midstage.
Narration begins.
Spotlight turns more red as narration continues.


I'm sure you are all familiar with the old ranting and raving of the "nice guys." You know, the one that complains about how women say they want a nice guy but always date the assholes? And "nice guys" all around the planet get together to devise stupid bulletins to pass along the word that they shouldn't be looked over.

I say we give that argument a little equal opportunity discussion time.

Sure, women do pursue the assholes. And the more the asshole pushes them away, the more that they fall to the ground and proclaim their undying love. The more money that they lend them, the more second chances that they give them, the more compromising of their integrity and self-respect that they do. All the while, bitching about said assholes to their "nice guy" male friends. Yeah, women are clueless bitches. We get it already.

But let's take a look at what men crave for a moment, shall we? How many of us women have seen a guy bend over backwards for one of the biggest bitches in the world? They don't even have to be one of those Barbie types either. We've all had the moment where we looked at a guy that we knew and wondered what the fuck he was doing with a stupid or ugly or both chick who was - to fucking top it off - a major cunt. "What the hell does he see in her?" we would ask, as we watched her manipulate him by the huffiest of pouts. Sure, the realistic ones like me even think: "Damn, that must be some supreme pussy to put up with that," until most of them divulge that the sex isn't even all that great.

So, what gives? Why is it that day in and day out I've got to listen to every male friend or acquaintance that I've ever known prattle on about how women only like assholes, when in fact, the same is true for them? Why are men so drawn to bitches? Why do they allow themselves to be treated like unpaid lap-dogs and remain completely oblivious to the fact that they are being regarded in such a manner?

Is it the nice girls that men carry an endless torch for? Hell no. It's that one that cheated on him, screamed at him, broke his shit. Sure, he'll tell you that he's over her - about a fucking million times - as he's steadfastly denying that he'd have anything to do with her today. But whatever interaction that you have with him will end in you being compared to her. "You'd better not treat me like (fill in the blank)." "(Fill in the blank) always did that to me, and it always pissed me off." Or the kicker: "You're just like (fill in the blank)!!"

OK, listen up people. Here's the thing. Women suck. Men suck. We're all screwed. Women and men can't maintain platonic friendships without something stupid happening. That ranges from hitting the sheets when you shouldn't to finally getting fed up with all of your advice and warnings being shined over as they go in pursuit of that one that hurt them - AGAIN.

How do we solve this? Fuck, you think I'd be this screwed up if I knew??


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