A womans guide to online dating, offered as a token of my pseudo friendship.....  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
5/4/2006 6:03 pm

Last Read:
5/9/2006 2:13 pm

A womans guide to online dating, offered as a token of my pseudo friendship.....

A Public Service to men EVERYWHERE! Here's where things go wrong for you guys. These are based on my actual experiences.

The intitial contact.

The name on their email account says the message is sent from "OnlyhvEYES4U" or "1inamillion" or "Trueman" or "LookNoFurther" do they not think that this sends serial killer or perverted old man vibes? Which I'm not sure at this point, would be worse.

When they call you sweety or honey after the second correspondance. Only my someone over the age of 60 or someone who has entered me can get away with calling me that.

When they send you poetry. And JPGs of flowers. WTF could they be thinking? Maybe she would like to download this file after carefully screening it for viruses, and open it up and feel all warm and fuzzy inside???? Note to men, computer flowers do not equal real flowers.

When they immediatly respond with their phone number. Hello? Didn't your momma teach you anything? I might be a serial killer or old man. At least pretend not to let your pussy craving ass blind your own safety.

When they immediatly go into the long drawn out details of the ex. Typically that left them about anywhere between 5 minutes and 2 months ago. That they dont understand why but are trying to get on with their lives and find someone to love. Blah, blah, blah. I dont want someone who is "in pain" and needs love. Youre a fucking man. Grab your balls, slam a beer and go to a strip club or something to calm your emotions.

Dont tell me about the weird people you have met and have had to get rid of or block. I dont care about the goth girl who sang to you or the girl who had trench foot. Some things are better left unsaid. It doesnt increase my confidence in the whole situation.

Dont offer to come over, unless I have fucked you in the past. The booty call door is only open to repeat customers. Not to first meetings at my house. Women read the warnings and adhere to the whole public place idea. For a reason.

If you stop getting responses immediatly after you send the first picture, she is out of your league. Ie, thinks you are ugly. She is looking at that picture think "Aww....ohh...Eww...." We are woman and trained not to hurt anyone directly by saying "You are yucky". So we delete.

Dont immediatly tell me that you have a lot of money. If I wanted to know, I would ask. Its assuming Im a gold digger. And I would not tell you how much I made until much later.

Dont rush right over to AIM and find my screen name and send me "Hey, whats up." "Wanna Chat?" "What are you doing?" "Are you ignoring me?" messages. If I wanted to IM you, I would offer you my screen name. To find it on your own is creepy. Again with the setting off with the stalker vibes.

It is never ok to disclose your penis size randomly in an email. Unless I specifically ask, which anyone who does, should scare you.

Its ok to ask me what I do for a living. When I answer, accept it. Dont ask WHERE I work.

Same with the what area do I live in. Thats acceptable. Dont ask WHERE I live.

Onto the meeting.

Shower. Seems self explanatory, its not.

Dont invite me to hang with your buddies. Meeting a group of random guys is much scarier than just you.

Dont wear acid washed jeans. You may think they look cool, but they havent since '87.

Dont speak excessively unless spoken too.

Dont tell me about your therapist or "group". I dont want to know. I have a group. Its called friends and my therapist is the bar. It doesnt scream self reliant which all women are looking for.

Be on time. Period. If you have to slam into the back of the old lady in the 93 LeSabre going 25 to get there on time, so be it. Leave early. Sit in the parking lot. Whatever it takes.

Dont touch me. Ever. During the first encounter. If I hold my hand out to you to be shaked, provided you have washed it, it is ok to accept. If I go to hug you, it means I really liked you, so you may hug back.

The follow up.

You should just say a simple "Hey, it was a pleasure meeting you. Thanks for your time. If youd like to do it again, please let me know." and throw the ball in our court. If you dont hear from us, dont assume the email somehow never made it or the message got erased, it means we didnt feel the same and dont want to waste your time.

The rest is at your own risk.

Aint love grand!

rm_Shintaro82 35M
2 posts
5/4/2006 7:32 pm

I love the way you think. You know what you want. Maybe it means I m not the average man, I agree with What you wrote. (I almost tought I was wrong by having a name whitout sexual content in it after I saw many people's adds .) I hope being that kind of guy will pay off!

redmustang91 58M  
8917 posts
5/9/2006 1:07 pm

Totally agree...

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