The first time we met, I wanted to chase you naked around the house.  

sfvcpl818 52M/52F
417 posts
3/23/2006 6:00 pm

Last Read:
4/6/2006 9:00 pm

The first time we met, I wanted to chase you naked around the house.


You might think it odd and even be alarmed at such a suggestion, but I assure you I don't mean to imply any sexual pretenses, propositions, or the like. Not that chasing someone naked around a house doesn't come without its share of sexual connotations and questions, like where are our clothes and why am I chasing you? But it isn't so much the circumstances involved whereby I ended up perhaps darting up the stairs in your wake and diving over the couch in an effort to tackle you, as it is the momentary portrait of the chase itself.

Now you might ask why I didn't say I wanted just to chase you, which is, I must admit, a valid question, another being why I wanted to chase you in the first place, but we'll get to that shortly. If I had just said, "The first time we met, I wanted to chase you," you would probably think me some kind of deranged stalker and thus garnish my eyes with a pinch of pepper spray, kick me in my nether regions, and run like mad, all while screaming at the top of your lungs for the local authorities. Clearly that isn't a preferable outcome from my vantage, though I know not what pleasures it might bring you. No, it had to be naked, and it had to be "the house," that being "our house," not "a house," as I'm not in the habit of breaking into anonymous houses for the purposes of any sort of naked extravaganzas. Upon reflection, however, such an endeavor might not be without adrenal merit.

I think it was your eyes that did it. Your stern, reproachful words denying me the pleasure of caprice belied the hungry exhilaration barely contained by your feral gaze, leading me to an overwhelming need to chase. Naked. In the house. There's a certain shrieking laughter you'll emit in a proper chase, a delicious amalgam of delight, fear, and excitement that can pierce the sky with blazing rapture and light a whole night through. That is to say the general you, not you in particular, though I would hope you in particular adhere to the generality or all of this is written in vain.

There's no guarantee of such an event if you're outside and dressed, though I readily grant that there's no definite guarantee naked in the house, either, but I have to assume, however, that if you're already naked, since I certainly didn't undress you -- not without consent, anyway -- the chances of you evoking aforementioned shriek are vastly superior to those if I were to, say, chase you clothed through a park. The public arena comes with its own inherent safety net, as help is always just a yell away if things were to get out of hand, not that things would ever get out of hand as I have only the best of intentions in mind. But with no trees to hide behind and no buildings to dodge into, the boundaries elevate the chase to a level unattainable via any conditions that might be found external to the house.

Furthermore, I don't think it would be prudent to chase you naked through a park -- even if it were one of those special types of parks with which I have no desire to familiarize myself -- as being publicly acknowledged as a sex offender does not rank highly on my to-do list. Again, though, this isn't about sex. Ok, so there would probably be some sex involved; after all, we're already naked, so it stands to reason that we may as well take advantage of the situation. But please understand that sex isn't the point; the point is the path we took to get there, and I don't mean up the stairs and over the couch. Clearly if we're so comfortable as to be able to chase one another naked around the house we must have quite the sound and healthy relationship.

I hope you can understand then that my first reaction upon meeting you was not only reasonable but also admirable, if not a tad tantalizing and intriguing. Surely I could have expressed my sentiments through some alternate means, but how could I have been true to you or myself without having conveyed such an incisive initial reaction to our meeting. So, as it stands, I am still wholly committed to and enamored by the thought of chasing you naked around the house, and I dearly hope to hear from you and not your lawyers.

Always,
Me

PS - Is it okay that I am woman and that I want to chase you with a nail gun?

Jeepidiot 44M

3/23/2006 6:44 pm

Ummmm...so why are you chasing him around the house again? And are you chasing him around the house has in the outside perimeter or actually through the various rooms of the house? Of course you've already stated that he was naked and as such would probably be inside the house since being naked outside the house might draw unwanted attention not to mention various laughs and jeers if it was me that was naked outside the house. Of course that would just be silly. I mean being naked outside a house is dangerous not just because of the unsavory sort of people that wander the world today looking for a person that might be standing outside their house naked. You've got all sorts of bugs and critters to worry about that might find the abundance of exposed skin too much to pass up(much like the unsavory sort of people). And have you even thought about skin cancer? You should really make sure you cover yourself up when you are outside in the sun. At the very least put on some sunscreen.

I could be mistaken, but nail guns are generally run with compressed air. Compressed air is stored inside containers and the air is sent to the gun through a hose capable of withstanding the pressure. Seeing as the hose would have a finite length, it would be very difficult to actually chase someone with a nail gun if you had any hopes of actually using the nail gun. You'd only have so far to go before you reached the end of the hose and then had to decide to either give up the chase or drop the nail gun. You could perhaps disconnect the nail gun from the hose but then it would be pretty much useless and only an unneeded hinderance in your pursuit. I'm also fairly certain that running with a tool such as a nail gun is considered dangerous especially by OSHA standards. I mean if you can hurt yourself running with scissors, imagine the damage you could inflict with a high powered nail gun. Of course all of this is a moot point if they do in fact have nail guns that are perhaps battery powered.

On a side note, I absolutely love the way you write. You have such an ability to with words. I of course can barely put two sentences together and punctuation or the use of paragraphs completely confuses me.


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