My hot stripper friend is pissed  

sfvcpl818 52M/52F
417 posts
3/29/2006 6:00 am

Last Read:
3/29/2006 6:33 pm

My hot stripper friend is pissed

1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail already.

2) Men that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen). Ew! I don't even bother dancing with you nasty fucks anymore.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans--this was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if that felt good. It does NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you loser, counting all your bills to me after the dance, all $20 in ones, and rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not let you just "slip it in real quick" for 50 more bucks. If you're going to proposition me, at least don't insult my worth.

7) Stop asking me if my tits are real. There are as real as my affection for you.

8> If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum from just a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

10) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all your breath stinks, you have a piece of salami stuck to your goat-tee and you look like Jay Leno. Secondly, I don't give a shit.

11) Don't bitch at me about the $8 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

12) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

13) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

14) Boys, don't sit in the front row with your homeboys and act all engrossed in some deep conversation (knowing damn well you ain't talking 'bout shit) during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you.

15) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

16) Dumb ass, don't ask me, "so what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance only with guys in dark pants.

17) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!!!! That's extra.

18> SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

19) If you don't tip me, I'm going to call your wife.

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion before our dance.

21) Hey cheap-asses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to reruns of "I love Jeannie" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and get all analytical on me. For the money you moron, that's why. Duh.

23) No seriously, my real name is Vixen Blue.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac of weed for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you sick mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl with the overbite and the black roots over there by the bar.

26) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

27) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

28> Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

29) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. DO. NOT.

30) I don't care if you're cute and/or Brad Pitt's stunt double. I do not give free lapdances. Cute don't pay the rent.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around a pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't quite know all the words.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platforms a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36) Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking smurf on your ass is lame.

37) Girls--some songs should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are), Sade, Bjork, or Aaron Carter. PLEASE.

Thanks for listening.
Starr McAngry

moonlightphoenix 46F
6508 posts
3/29/2006 6:50 am

ROFLMAO. Sad to think someone actually has to TELL people this stuff. My condolences.

Seriously_Real 49M

3/29/2006 7:07 am

What a day to discover a wonderful blog. Thank you so much for that.

As a regular of clubs from -- literally -- Miami to Seattle and everywhere in between, I can validate every single one of these rants (well, not the pole-smell rant). My brethren embarass me. But damn, sweetie, this is some funny fuckin' work.

I love the blog. Big fan. Big big fan. Kudos and huzzahs...


sweetkiki3 44M/43F

3/29/2006 7:09 am

lmao!!!!! and beinga strip bar junkie alone with a cpl friends of mine can defiantely see where this lady is coming from!oh my sry for laughin but i know its so true cuz i would sit and chat with alot of the dancers and stuff....

tazzerman2000 60M
18958 posts
3/29/2006 7:17 am

LOL! I haven't been to a strip club in years but I can certainly remember and totally relate to virtually ever single one of these. Not from me btw, just observing the others... To fucking funny. -tm

These blogs are only fun if you LEAVE comments!!!

Please visit my blog tazzerman2000

norprin5 56M

3/29/2006 7:47 am

sorry 'bout that...

King Nor XVIII

4206 posts
3/29/2006 7:51 am

Im no stripper...but I wish I had the body to...I sooooo would...but tell it like it are a very smart and savvy business woman...and thats exactly what this is folks...a business...not a way of tell em girl...smooches...QueenB

Come on over...let's play in my Castle! The hide and seek is awesome!


bluegirl39 51F

3/29/2006 8:14 am

love your list..

wantonwill 61M

3/29/2006 8:32 am

MEOW.....look out ya'll, stripper with attitutde!

HotSexyCupl 47M/43F

3/29/2006 10:18 am

The only thing worse than being the sucker giving up his money, is being the skank-ho that he is giving his money to

Satyr48 69M
1809 posts
3/29/2006 10:55 am

the only thing is - everybody knows all of that, they just think they're somehow personally exempt.
#38 should be:

3 This includes YOU. Yes, YOU! Especially YOU, who thinks it doesn't apply to you! GET A CLUE!

Pleasing women in unbelievable ways for 45 years...
You could be next...

GoinAllTheWay06 43M/41F
1 post
3/29/2006 10:56 am

Your hot stripper friend needs a new line of work. You work in a scummy proffesion, you have to expect the crummy clients.

Cheap, trashy people in a strip club? Go figure....

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