Destroy These Mutants. Please.  

sfvcpl818 52M/52F
417 posts
3/31/2006 1:21 pm

Last Read:
4/6/2006 7:59 pm

Destroy These Mutants. Please.


1. Bad Drivers. I don't care about your race. I don't care if you're male or female. If you have a license, just learn how to fucking drive. It's really not that difficult, people. Green means go. Yellow means "slow down". Yellow does NOT mean SLAM ON YOUR FUCKING BREAKS with three cars behind you. If one more person does this to me, so help me I will not only not stop, but I will gun my engine and purposely smash into you. Repeatedly. And I will make sure to decapitate your stupid Oakland A's bobble-head in the process. Now, a red light means STOP - but I know this can be a bit tricky. Try real hard to stop BEFORE YOU ENTER THE INTERSECTION. Here's a little hint: If the car AHEAD of you is blocking the intersection, pulling up behind that car probably isn't the brightest idea. If you end up sitting in the middle of the intersection, blocking cross-traffic ... it's open season on you, my friend. Anyone who's had "one of those days" should be free to ram your stupid, gridlock-creating, worthless ass at will.

2. Cell-Phone Abusers. Look, I have one. It's convenient. But there is a time and a place. It's called common sense. Let me break it down for you. Ask yourself these questions: Am I watching a movie? Am I eating in a decent restaurant? Am I driving? If the answer is yes, don't even THINK of flipping that fucking phone. And turn off or change your stupid-assclown Beethoven's 5th polyphonic ring-tone. Nobody thinks you are sophisticated, or smart. Quite the contrary, we all think you're a complete moron, and sincerely want to slowly stab blunt toothpicks into your eyes.

3. Happy Office People. FUCK people with company spirit. This is work. I'm hung over, tired, and I hate your guts. And if you wear that smelly-ass, stained shirt with the company logo ONE MORE FUCKING TIME this week, I will rip it off your body and expose your pasty-white man-boobs for all to see. And to our HR manager who is trying diligently to organize a company softball team: Look lady, this is a tech company. A haven for high school geeks everywhere. They certainly weren't athletes back then, and years of pecking on a keyboard hasn't magically changed them into Barry Bonds. Why you want Lewis and Gilbert out there in stretch pants and cleats is really beyond me.

4. Chatty Taxi Drivers. Just shut the fuck up and DRIVE already. Really, there is no need for you to even speak to me. I tell you where I want to go. You drive there. The little meter tells me how much I owe you when we arrive. Absolutely no need for conversation. A little tip: When I haven't responded to your repeated attempts at "small talk" - might be a pretty good indication I'm not interested in talking with you. If you continue to talk, don't be surprised when I reach through the Plexiglas opening and choke you out with my forearm.

5. Complicated Coffee Orderers. I know you think it's really "hip" to order a "triple, no foam soy latte with one pump of sugar-free vanilla swirled" -- but get over your fucking self already. It's coffee, not a five course meal.

6. Email forwarders. No, I don't think your joke was funny. I think you are an idiot. I think I want to ram my keyboard through your teeth. Oh, and those chain-emails that instruct me to "forward 7 times, and the one I love will come back" -- those are even better. Those are fantastic. Next time you send me one of those, how about I just smash your face with my stapler 7 times, and see if you come back?

boydcounty 68M

3/31/2006 2:20 pm

I LOVE this. You are 222 funny!!! And I agree with EVERYTHING you say. Keep 'em cummin!!! Thanks to frogger1995for pointing the way to this blog. It is AWESOME

-boydcounty-


SirluvsStorms 47M
684 posts
3/31/2006 3:44 pm

LOL coffee straight black nothing else.. then again I quit LOL so I tend to just steal sips from friends and non friends alike. This post was fun. So that makes me a closet coffee drinker LOL!!


Allsleeky 37F

3/31/2006 4:14 pm

I've always wondered how the fuck those bad drivers got their license.
I have to agree with you on the "cell phone abusers", I have my polyphonic ring tone but I turn it to etiquette mode when I'm out, as for the taxi drivers I like when they chat!

Nice blog!


tootsiedippin 54M/54F
1078 posts
3/31/2006 4:56 pm

1. I think the root of the problem maybe the ones giving out the license. Can they read? Dew they actually know how to drive? Ya know I think it is quite telling when the testor is snoring.....

2. OoO this one gets me. OK you're out with friends at dinner. They are right there in front of you and who are you paying attention to? The person on your cell phone talking about well...what you are going to wear tomorrow. Gave up the phone 2 years ago for the people around me. They have taken their time and made an effort to actually have a real world conversation and they deserve my attention.

3. Damn...I know it work but I might as well be happy while I'm there. I could be un-employed and woundering how I'm goina feed the kids. But I'm not gonna wear the company logo unless you are willing to pay extra...

4. OK up here in the land of Strawberry fields there is only one taxi. AND he knows us so it would be rude not to talk to him...WEG

5. Don't drink coffee...actually neither of us dew. Our eyes glaze over hearing about coffee...and a quadruple shot I never knew soooo many people were into gang bangs...

6. How dew you foward a stapler. Did I miss something. Did they REALLY invent the transporter thing dew hicky. Wow and now people can blindly foward their junk and stuff? Where can I get one of these cause I have a few inlaws I'd like to send something...is it traceable? OoO thats what a block list is for...Hmmmm

Dippin

And no you did not ask to be intruded on I just though I would....was that a red light or yellow?


norprin5 56M

3/31/2006 7:14 pm

1. another advantage of owning an '86 Bronco - drives right over idiots

2. yup

3. "it's gonna be a great year, Lewis."

4. ditto tootsie ^

5. black...no, just coffee...k, it's simple, ya take a cup & ya pour some fresh coffee into it, then you give it to me...no no, no nothin', just gimme the damn coffee cup, dumb fuck!

6. i send 'em back to the same person 10 times

...um...mind if i wash yer back?

King Nor XVIII


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