Things are getting Very Wierd ... What I was realizing a month ago is now apparant  

sexywhiteboy07 47M
106 posts
3/5/2006 8:59 am

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3/8/2006 9:49 am

Things are getting Very Wierd ... What I was realizing a month ago is now apparant


Now it was back to complete blur of coke. We did it every day for weeks. Even when "we" were out, I had a little bit stashed. I know she had it all the time, had access, and had freebies, so I would stash some for myself.
What I was realizing a month ago was now evident, I knew she was using and lieing, because she would come home with a ...., we would do small bit, and she would be so high that she would pass out.
It was at this point that we both admitted that we were addicted, And also admitted that we needed to get off the train. I couln't stop, and it was probably around this time that I started using any time of day, not just night time, on a daily basis. We spent all of this time and money searching for and talking about cola.
Samantha's lies were wearing thin. She was doing NOTHING around the house, in fact she was trashing the house. She was ignoring her kids, her family and her job was suffering too. I wasn't blowing off my family, but I felt guilty in my role. I was addicted, and the way I got my fix was thru Samantha. I had to make some hard choices ... fight w/ Sam about addiction and risk losing her mentally, or play along and use with her and basically condone her going to Sean and buying more. We were arguing more than we had before we started using, our priorities changed, we both looked like shit, bags under our eyes, and Sam kept passing out from only small bit. In this time frame, Samantha ... missed my sons open house at school, the egg hunt, and she didn't color Easter eggs the night before Easter. These are things that we do as a fasmily, and we haven't missed in the 7 years we have been doing it.
We partied all the way thru Easter Sunday.
Monday, Samantha worked the day shift and hooked up with Sean. We were both burned out, yet we couldn't say no, and we partied til Sam got sick and crashed. Still, being the pervert I am, I went to bedroom and stripped her panties down and masturbated until I came on her cute lil asshole, and took pictures (which she totally loved).
We had talked about quitting, but we made the excuse to get some again so I could party with my friend at a concert we were going to.
That is how c... addiction is. It is always the next/last party. This only gave us an excuse to party every night until the concert. By the time the concert happened we were on a week-long binge. Sam was still sick, her nose was swollen shut and she could not even breathe thru her nose.
Jim and I don't get to go out much at all, so we snorted up huge liniages with great relish, and headed for the show. We asked Sam if she wanted some and I was surprised when she said declined and announced that she was quitting. I left a couple bumps on the mirror for her, and I was REALLY surprised when I got home and the coke was still there. Later I found out that she already had done so much that she was sick, so that is why she passed.
Of course we had a big fight the next day over dumb shit. Then she takes the kids downtown and threatens to spend a bunch of money. She is acting totally weird, starting shit for the sake of starting shit. She goes to work and calls and apologizes saying she knows it is her starting the shit, but she doesn't know why she is doing it. {size 1] Now it is easy to see ... she was grouchy cuz she was out, then hooked up at work, called and apologized.
I think things are settled and I am going to go to bed early for once. Then, she comes in at 1:30 and sleeps on the couch for no reason. This really freaks me out. It is bizarre behavior even for her, and it bolsters my belef that there may be another person. I would say the next day is defining moment in our relationship.

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