patterns  

sexydisaster30 43F
5527 posts
3/7/2006 7:37 am

Last Read:
11/25/2006 9:57 pm

patterns

It is amazing to me how patterned we all are. Patterned in our daily routine, in our work life, our home life, but mostly in our love life. I know my pattern. I know that I seem to attract unavailable men, fall for them, get my heart broken, mourn, cry, get angry, and do it all over again.

It is time for this to stop for me.

Shut up, I am working on it.

I guess that I never really realized how patterned other people are. It never occurred to me. Not that I think that I am the only one who has patterns, but I did not realize that others did/do what I do. Taking a self-destructive path and bringing others in it with you. I have been doing a lot of thinking, soul searching and research on this the past few days. So I decided it was time. Time to look into the past life of the other. It was easy to do, the information was easily available. It was right in front of my face. So I researched it. I studied it. I cried over it. I realized that the words were spoken before, the thoughts were had before, and the emotions were already felt just a few short months ago. The healing never took place. The object of desire just changed. That is all, nothing more, nothing less.

Why is it that we do this to ourselves? Why is it that we take people on this path with us. Don’t get me wrong I went willingly. I gladly was the recipient of the attention, the conversations, the desire, but I did not know that it would end with this ending. I thought that I was different only to find out that I was the same. Yes, I am in a different package, but the similarities are there. Why is it that we search out people that are so much like past experiences? Why is it that we keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Isn’t that the definition of insanity?


-Disaster


jadedbabe78 107F

3/7/2006 7:49 am

Because you want to be the one they're willing to change for. And you cling to that hope. You want to be the one to save them.

As women, we always cling to the hope of being the one who changed HIM. You are working on the pattern of changing this behavior because you keep falling for the ones, not just the one, but repeatedly who you want to be the one to save them yet they're not ready to be saved, if that makes sense.

It's crushing to know that someone would mind fuck with you, when you find out even their words they said to you in private were just a repeat of words or similar that someone else may have heard. You're not the one with a serious prolem...they are. And it's beyond help that you can offer and you shouldn't have to, either.

You need a man who will willingly give themseleves to you whole heartedly and fully. Hang onto that hope. You're a wonderful person and once you see this, they'll find you.

Hugs to you ~ Jadey


southrnpeach333 52F

3/7/2006 9:17 am

Maybe you should do an experiment. Date at least three men that are completly unlike any men you would have dated before. Just to find out what it feels like to be in a different kind of friendship. Not that you will look at these guys for anything serious but just to see if the dynamics are different. We are comfortable with what is familiar. Maybe you could change what you are famliar with. I don't know. But I do wish you the best.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
3/7/2006 9:58 am

    Quoting jadedbabe78:
    Because you want to be the one they're willing to change for. And you cling to that hope. You want to be the one to save them.

    As women, we always cling to the hope of being the one who changed HIM. You are working on the pattern of changing this behavior because you keep falling for the ones, not just the one, but repeatedly who you want to be the one to save them yet they're not ready to be saved, if that makes sense.

    It's crushing to know that someone would mind fuck with you, when you find out even their words they said to you in private were just a repeat of words or similar that someone else may have heard. You're not the one with a serious prolem...they are. And it's beyond help that you can offer and you shouldn't have to, either.

    You need a man who will willingly give themseleves to you whole heartedly and fully. Hang onto that hope. You're a wonderful person and once you see this, they'll find you.

    Hugs to you ~ Jadey
Wow! I can't say it better than this. It seems like you know what you're talking about, Jadey!

Patterns are extemely hard to break. Look at all the people that deal w/ smoking, drinking, physical abuse, metal abuse, etc... I believe that people do want to change, but they don't look long enough at their problems to understand how or what to change. I think, subconsciously, they believe that they can continue to have the best of both worlds if they just linger out the amount of time involved in the relationship. I think it is incredibly selfish.

What was said to you may have been said before, because it works. It will be said again if the person doesn't vere off his current path of self-gratification. I believe that feelings are there, but I also believe that he convinces himself that this is what he needs. Your brain is so powerful that it can literally talk your body into doing things that you don't want, or can even make you believe something else entirely. Maybe that's what has happened.

Maybe the guy is successful and the top is never high enough. I know plenty of extremely wealthy people that always want more. They have a porsche, but want a ferarri. They have a 1,000,000 home, but want 3 of them. Some people can never quite be content. Maybe, just maybe, he really thought you could be the one. Maybe he convinced himself that this time, it would work out.

No matter what happened exactly, I'm not positive that any of it was intentional. I truly think, however, that you've nailed it on the head by being able to point out patterns. I commend you, greatly, for having done the foot work to answer your questions that you needed answered for your own self worth.

It gets better!


sexyblokeinlincs 55M
470 posts
3/7/2006 1:06 pm

We are all creatures of habit in the end, and although we enjoy novelty from time to time we tend to be consistent on most things

Al


tillerbabe 57F

3/7/2006 9:12 pm

About 10 years ago, I made a distinct effort to change my patterns. It isn't destined, it's about choice and self-awareness. So.. mydear you are aware of this now - what is next?


gnr8nrg 47M

3/7/2006 10:29 pm

Some patterns are good. I get into the pattern of getting up and going to the gym every day. Doing something nice for others is another good pattern. It's only when these patterns take us to a place we don't want to go does it become a problem. I'm not to sure about the dating thing that South was talking about, but it is true that you can break and form new patterns with new positive experiences. The more success you have the greater the chances you'll follow the new pattern. Good luck Sexydisaster.


rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
3/7/2006 10:48 pm

I believe that everyone does the best that they can do with what they have at any given point in time according to the information that they have. People learn what they live and can not teach what they do not know. No shame, no blame, no guilt. Sometimes life is overwhelming for everyone and it is simply too difficult to make changes. Who knows? Tony Robbins sez that people will do far more to avoid pain than they will ever do to experience pleasure. Sometimes things have to get very painful before people choose to take a different path. The bottom line is ...it is your life and you have something to say about what shows up in it and everything serves. The old pattern served in some way or you would have changed it earlier. Sometimes the payoff changes for us and then we can more easily make the choice to experience the change.

Don't beat yourself up for yesterday...every day is a new day...every minute is a new minute...and you can change anything in this life you really set your mind out to change. Well, most anything. It all begins with the self...and your awareness level has already shifted since last week. You can't do anything about anyone else but you.

Blessings always {=}

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


wantonwill 61M

3/8/2006 8:24 am

It has been said "If we always do what we've always done, we will always get what we've always gotten." There is a great kernel of truth there. Humans love patterns, they lead to comfort....but that comfort can turn into a rut...which has potential problems. This is best noted by terrorists and other criminals, who use patterns and habits to their nefarious advantages.
Sweet lady, dont beat yourself up unnecessarily over your past misadventures....analyze...learn....move on....and choose a different path......may your journey be a pleasant one!


peaches19555 62M

3/8/2006 1:05 pm

We repeat our patterns not because we are expecting different results but because of previous results. If you can answer why then a solution will be at hand.


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