Where have all the young girls gone?  

sexpirate19125 53F
162 posts
4/17/2006 1:33 pm

Last Read:
10/19/2007 3:50 pm

Where have all the young girls gone?

(This is a copy of a response to someone's post. I thought it merited repeating as it raises some interesting issues. I copy in its entirety for you.)


great thought-provoking post and if you don't mind, I am going to use this in my own blog. Here are my thoughts for yours... be warned this is probably going to be a long post so grab a cup of tea or coffee and have a seat before reading.

Toodela: Since I started participating in A.F.F. more actively it seemed more apparent to me that there is a disadvantage in being an older man. Unlike with older women, younger women are not interested in older men ... at least not the ones actively involved in activities here. I also don't think I'm an exception to the rule.

I am more than a little amazed by this comment since it is always the other way around with older women having the disadvantage. I suspect some of it is because this is the internet, this community is much more accessible to curiosity seekers and tourists who don't understand swinging culture nor perhaps, are even genuinely interested in learning it. The site, for them, is nothing more than a giant shopping center (I am guilty of this myself - as I am sure we all are at some point) - and so, if one is shopping, we look for the best value we can possibly pull off the shelf first, the most accessible last. With that said, even YOU indicate that you are looking primarily for someone younger as indicated by your frustrations in obtaining them. Even the young prefer the young. If it is just about sex, it is strictly a matter of biology and biology dictates that younger makes better potential offspring and survival rates of the group.

Toodela: When I was about 10+ years younger the thought of getting involved with an older woman did not appeal to me as there were enough women my age and some years younger who were interested.

I don't think you are alone in this thinking and I don't believe that too much has changed since 10 yrs ago for other folks except that older women look less and less "old" with each generation. There was a time when we were expected to "look our age" and politely followed social convention on it with dress and physical maintenance. These days... holy cow... have you looked at Demi Moore recently? 40 or older ?? This woman is 40 or older ?! I may not be 20 anymore but I damn sure don't look like someone's middle aged mother so I expect people to be attracted to me based on my appeal and not my age.

Toodela: Now I find at my age that the women my age can get younger guys much easier than I can younger women.

I hate to say this but I think this is the natural order of things in reality. Didn't it ever strike anyone as strange that women should sexually peak at 40 and men should sexually peak at 17 and there was no good reason for this except for an arbitrary design flaw by God? It IS possible that women peak at an age when they are safely past child bearing years so that they can teach younger men the art of love and truly caring for another to prepare them to be husbands and fathers...

Toodela: Maybe it is that younger men today are more willing to be with older women and that older women today prefer to be with younger men. So why do younger men today not mind older women ... maybe they are looking for a mother figure or women their age or younger are not interested in them.

That is too easy an explanation and a bit too insulting for any woman who reads it. (Hey, do I LOOK like your mother?!) The reasons younger men (especially on this site) tend to look for older women are numerous but the top three or four reasons may be as follows:

1) There is a higher percentage of older women than younger women who are 'active' on this site.
Let's face facts. We are all biologically driven and girls in their 20's and some in their 30's are still in their reproductively viable years. Their end goal is not gratuitous sex... (good lord they don't have to come to AdultFriendFinder for all the sex they could possibly want; all they have to do is walk out their door.) - their end goal is mating... TRU LUV they call it... all made more urgent by the biological wiring that pushes them to find the Alpha male who is the most reproductively attractive. Older women are NOT driven by the same urges and if they are here on AdultFriendFinder, it is because they are looking for more sensual appetites to be sated. They have either had their kids or bypassed that option and by 40>, they have a more experience with and a keener understanding of what being in love means and they aren't looking for it to happen with every man they are in bed with. This alone makes them more emotionally manageable than their younger counterparts.

2) The mystique of the older woman is sexual experience, emotional understanding and more appreciation with less pressure to "get it right".
Fact is, younger men have this idea that older women have more sexual experience and can therefore be sympathetic when they want to try something new and perhaps needed to be guided in the proper execution of it. Older women are also believed to have more emotional understanding and do not add to the emotional load with irrational desires and poor communication skills that go with being young of either gender.

3) Older women are supposedly more appreciative of young men. Fact is that we are not more "appreciative". We are just more generous with encouragement, compliments and feedback because after 40, we finally recognize how scared you guys really are of not measuring up in bed, as it were. We are free to finally enjoy sex without caution and intend to do so. What they don't realize is that Cougars or older women who enjoy the delights of younger men operate by a common credo and that is, "Young men for sport, old men for satisfaction". Older men are not discounted but when it comes to sport sex, they are considered out of place. Older men are reserved for those times when you really want to enjoy all sexual dimensions beyond purely physical.

Toodela: I also see that couples are normally looking for single women or couples only. This can just be because the man dictates. He wil have another female, but the woman may not have another man. The only cases who may want another man may be that the man is impotent or gay.

This is typical Alpha male behavior and the fact of the matter is there are a few dynamics you need to be aware of:

1) You may not realize this but alot of single men on this site (and elsewhere) lose all civilized behavior and become nothing more than vulgar predatory animals in the face of moral values that are not as repressed as their own. This translates into, more often than not, because they lack the sexual sophistication to understand the dynamics of swinging - the come to AdultFriendFinder with all manner of bad attitudes, opinions and behaviors. As a single woman on this site, I can tell you that I am amazed MORE women aren't gay as a result of what they are subjected to when it comes to men's sexual behaviors. Knowing this, do you expect that any loving partner in a swinging relationship would want to subject his woman to this? When men are looking for a 2nd male, you can rest assured that the screening process is long, tedious and just slow enough to ward off any single men who have no sense of appreciation for the individuals or the couple involved.

With this said, single females are always more quickly entertained because single females do not behave like or men who just got out of prison at the mention of possible sex with no obligations. They would get my open invitation every time on that basis alone. Women are safer, gentler and a hell of alot more respectful and appreciative of the people they swing with than far too many of the baboons running around here.

And finally, many women in swinger relationships tend to be sexually submissive. I am not sure why this but it appears to be a prominent quality in terms of percentages - so of course, the man leads with his tastes and preferences as first and last in the final equation.

Toodela: We are not allowed in certain groups ... ok here the women are also in the same boat, it is still about age.

It's not about age. It's about biology.

Toodela: Where does this leave older men like me. Should we even be allowed to join the site ... or should we just concentrate on older women ...

Hey, if we are the default choice because you can't get what you want - we don't want you either, Mr. Wonderful ... and wow, in case you haven't noticed - we already knew what your preference was and left your tired ass on the warm up bench while we pulled your younger team mates into the game so keep insulting us and see how you like sitting on the sidelines a little longer!

It is precisely THIS attitude that women pick up on quickly - even when you don't make mistakes like this and let it show so obviously - and THIS is what women want no parts of. Younger women are not flattered by your obvious glorification of them over older women because that means that you are looking for an expiration date on the container and not the value of the contents inside.

What do younger women want... the same things that older women want and that is to be regarded with more appreciation than a sex doll!!! (Which reminds me, if you haven't seen this, you MUST go to www dot realdoll dot com ... holy silicone! This is scary!)

Yes, it absolutely sucks to grow older but in a competitive market place and AdultFriendFinder is a sexual market place... we must recognize our place in the market. I only prefer younger men because (a) it is quite a feather in my cap to continue pulling them and (b) in terms of percentages, I am more likely to find someone with the stamina and physical energy I like in bed with someone younger than with someone older. Believe me, if I could find an old man in a young man's body, I would toss out all the little boys and concentrate on my one man.

Until that time, "Game on!"

For anyone who shares your frustration, I can only suggest that perhaps you consider redefining what is attractive to you or start figuring out how to restyle yourself to pull what you want in spite of your new handicap (age). And wow, by the way, after listening to everything that frustrates you ... how does it feel to be a woman over 35?

We have been dealing with that crap for centuries and only NOW have the tables finally turned for the better. I love being 40 in this decade! Kabam! How do you like me now?! ::snap, snap of the fingers::

Wow. I love men (I have to or I would be a man-hating lesbian by now) but does this oaf even realize what he sounds like when he says, "...Where does this leave older men like me. Should we even be allowed to join the site ... or should we just concentrate on older women ..."

Man that really burns my ass.... whew. Let me go cool off. I have a hottie 30 something yr old who needs my attention more. LOL

rm_ohsolustful 59M
859 posts
5/11/2006 6:02 pm

OK, I think you told him off pretty well. I am glad I wasnt on the receiving end of that one...Best wishes to Ya...................

rm_NYCSingleM 55M
9 posts
7/18/2006 12:17 pm

I am a man of 43 and first realized I was participating in something called the lifestyle when I was 24 when an English couple I met at Hedo invited me into a threesome. That was golly good fun. The reason they choose me over the hundred other young single men there? I was sober, polite and mature.

I was superstudmuffin when I travelled in the Lifestyle circles but I eventually fell in love. I was 36 she was 24. The age thing was more of a concern of mine than hers. We met at Hedo when she approached me naked and offered me a drink.

Recently a woman in a couple that's been pursuing me told me of some twenty something she fucked. Then went on to say, maybe as a joke, that I was too old to fuck her like that. Well joke or not she blew her chances of ever getting me into bed now. I suppose I could have been honest and told her how hurtful that was but I didn't. Instead I just stopped giving her the sexual time of day.

I live in a town were the women are very upperly mobile, very well educated and very much financially independent. Also their average age is 29. There are young women here that think foreplay means getting pissed drunk and having to walk home from the guys apartment alone at 5am. There are also women here that think foreplay means being treated to a movie, a great dinner and coffe in bed the next morning. Now which do you think is more likely to be attracted to a man of 43?

Younger women drop big hints to me about wanting to be asked out. I ignore them. They are women I have gotten to know over months over coffee or through work, not women I met an hour ago doing jello shots. I actually think that the former are more likely to understand what the lifestyle is all about. When my friend and her husband tried to pursue their little twentysomething as a steady fuck buddy he was game but they soon realized what a waste of time it was. It seems the vanity of having a tewntysomething fucking you wears off fast. Now guess who isn't as old as they once thought?

Now this is supposed to be about the Lifestyle though not dating. Finding a young single woman who is willing to hook up with any man in the Lifestyle is like finding a needle in a haystack. I have been very lucky to have seriously dated several, but our relationship was about us not about always finding others to join in.

Would I like to fuck a skinny big titted small assed 21 year old woman? Of course I pass dozens of them on the street everyday. Do I waste my time trying? No. I have better things to do.

Do you want a one night stand with a younger woman or younger man? More power to you. You won't meet them here. COme to think of it, I have never met anyone on this site. I have better luck on Match or Nerve.

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