Who Will Win American Idol?  

serpentine303 106F
6 posts
3/14/2006 7:46 pm

Last Read:
3/14/2006 7:48 pm

Who Will Win American Idol?

I have a better question.

Who gives a flying freek?

Hi my name is Kelly Clarkson, I won $300,000 in a karaoke contest!

Well now that you're here, you may as well kick it and read the rest of my post. Today's topic is much more important than any of that stuff.

It has come to my attention that many of us are here with deceitful intentions. Posting a pic of someone from an amature porn site is one thing. Filling out your profile with a bunch of nonsense is another. But passing yourself off as a member of the opposite sex? So wrong.

After just such accusations had been hurled at me in here (in both good natured teasing and rather hostile ways which I must say only made the attackers look like small, weak, and very scared little men), I began thinking how nice it could be to be a man for awhile.

I typed down my thoughts and sent them to a pen pal today. After proofreading the email I sat back and thought "that is rather fine." So here it is in its entirety.


Yet another man who thinks I am a man...sigh...
I want to think this is just a ploy to get women to arrive before you in the flesh and service you how you see fit.

With "where I'm at" (whatever that means) right now, I think I'd much prefer the accusation of being a guy.

I do kind of enjoy the thought. My confidence would shoot through the roof; I will probably make more money. I might even get a great job where I will get treated with respect and for the first time in a while experience that thing called dignity.

Every magazine on the newsstand will cater to my eyes, and I will actually be taken seriously when I go to buy a car or electronic device.

Makeup? Diets? Things of the past. As a man I will let my stomach push maximum density and still walk with my chin held high. Fat jokes are for women. Although seeing as my metabolism will sky rocket, I'm thinking I will wake up 20 lbs. thinner as a man.

When my manhood is feeling a little threatened (as it usually is these days), I will make the pilgrimage to pay homage to the ultimate incarnation of my superiority, right there in our nation's capitol - the Washington Monument, phallic symbol extraordinaire.



Think this is funny? Click on that Smiley Key you see around here. I see not one, not two, not three, four, five, or six, but SEVEN penises on that thing. Eight, if you want to include the fist with the extended middle finger, which I do. It means the same thing. And when employed by some women, is probably a none too subtle sign of penis envy.

Where are the vaginas? No where to be seen. What we get to send you as sign of our arousal is a woman doing squats of some sort, her breasts bouncing wildly. It's like, oh brother. Yeah, that is always what I do when I am getting totally turned on. But then again, it's not about what you guys do to our bodies. It's what we can do for you.

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