in the 'time and place', again.  

sensualtouches3 46M
12 posts
2/4/2006 7:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

in the 'time and place', again.

It would seem that I am in that 'time and place', yet again. I could rail against it, cry, whine, and complain, but I really don't think it would do any good.

Anyone who says there isn't a higher power that has influence over us is just plain blind, close minded, and deliberately stupid. Whether you call that power God, Allah, karma, or The Fates, it really makes no difference. SOMETHING seems to pull our strings at times, and we simply can only go where we are led.
Sure, you can fight it. And, quite likely, only hurt yourself.

I'm not sure as to the purpose of mine - will likely be several years before I do discover that, if ever. Is it for my personal growth? Or am I being groomed for something 'more'? Bigger? Or is it preparing me for my final fate, giving me a crash course in life to catch me up to where I should be? If so, it seems I'm not stopping at high school like most people, but am now in college.

I would like to think that somewhere in all of this, there will be someone for ME. Someone to help give me the strength it takes for these things. Someone solid, permanent, enduring. Someone to help carry the burden, lessen it's pain, or just be there for me to turn to for healing of the soul. These exercies, while promoting my growth, are draining. Sure, I gain a great deal from them. Sure, at times, they have all had immediate payoff - and a few of those have turned from comforting and happy to painful nightmares.
Even so, I learn, I grow, I heal. And then see the lessons even in the pain, and grow, learn, and heal even more.


ok. Surely your curiosity is asking: What is the current thing?

My family.

MY family.

A niece who is struggling with an enormous burden, laden with pain and confusion.
Her parents who are lost and wandering, seeking help, losing strength.
Her siblings who are having to deal with the backlash from it all, and are suffering in their own ways.

Odd how the past two relationships carried similar parts to this.
A certainty in the first, a suspicion in the second.

My lessons from both are going to be put to the test. My strength, patience, and most certainly, understanding.

I pray that I'm up to the task - there seems to be no one else around who will help, who is interested, or even able.

Am I able? Or am I being egotistical in thinking that this is MY task?

All I know is: I have been there, I have learned what I could, and now I'm here - in this time, in this place.
Which makes it my responsibility to do what I can.

When will it be my turn?
Will I ever have what I have lost? What I was given a taste of?
Bliss, happiness, pure joy. Love.

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