Ever have a day....  

sensualtouches3 46M
12 posts
2/2/2006 10:31 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Ever have a day....

A day, or moment, where certain things just go 'click' into a profound realization?

Just had one of those. Here it is.

It's odd how life seems to lead you somewhere, and then you have life experiences that, looking back, seems that you HAD to be there at that time and that place.


I can think of two very distinct events in my life lately, both of which had to occur in the sequence they did, and I had to be in that particular location at that particular time to experience them. And there were certain events that happened before those, each in sequence, each which gave me the tools needed for the next one to come.

First, many years of confusion and wandering. Then came the healing of self, and a scattering of minor events. The setting of the stage seems to be Huntsville. Things tend to go in circles or cycles, and mine certainly seems to be no exception. It starts there, with two minor jobs, giving minor lessons to me in life. But, it was after those that I took the third job, working each phase through to completion and being reassigned to the next - until there was no work left to be done. I was working with a supervisor who gifted me with a kick in the ass, and the command to get back into school and finish my degree. "You are wasting your life and talent on these crappy little jobs! Finish your degree, and get it on track!" So, one month later, I'm sitting in class.

Thus came my move to college, and THAT was the trigger. THAT was the single largest event, and from which so many others have spun off from, each setting me up for the next one to come. School started at SFA in Nacogdoches, where the single biggest change came into my life. Brief, without pain, but completely altered me and began my explosive growth as an individual. From there, I moved to Lubbock, where I was stricken with an illness, but also given a gift that I've YET to decipher and understand - I guess it's not time yet for that one to be used, although I have used certain aspects of it already. Martial arts and a group of people, although I'm not so sure the people had any real impact other than the cohesiveness and spirit. It was the practice and discipline, as well as the simple extreme workouts that kept me sane during a time that I SHOULD have collapsed into a severe depression - to never recover, perhaps to simply quit and die.

I never did....

Then came a year of physical healing. After which, was my move to Huntsville, to complete my degree. And, here I return to the beginning, and am given two of the most profound experiences of my life. The first was powerful, the second was simply life altering. I'm STILL absorbing all of the lessons from the past year or more, especially the past 6 months. And likely will be for quite some time to come. I'm still not certain what it was all for, or about - but one thing I AM certain of - each occurred as if planned, as if someone had decided that 'this' had to happen, so that 'this' could be done. Each previous experience has given me the tools that I needed for the next.

Now, life seems to be leading me down a different path. At first, I thought it was to Austin, then Houston, now it seems to be pointed to Dallas. Why? What is it that I'm to find and experience there? Or, is it there that I'm being led? Will the compass spin yet again, and point in yet another direction?

What is to come of the man known as Patrick, the man who has grown and changed so much in the past few years, especially the past few months? Whose face even looks different to him now, as he gazes in the mirror to shave. A face that, for the first time in his life looks comfortable, settled, confident.

crazygurl2xx 58F

2/4/2006 9:56 am

Patrick, lovely name. Nice blog, and best wishes. Life is about the journey. Sometimes the destination can't be chosen.

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