just enough  

sedd_gurl 40M/40F
64 posts
3/3/2006 5:24 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

just enough


i dont really have ne thing new to report- i am just anxious - im tired- dozing off and on- want to go out- want to stay in- want to leave tonight, but i know i dont need to be driving .. too tired to drive, and ill just end up on the side of the road sleeping somewhere- not too kool when your a chic all alone-

i want to sleep- but i am so anxious- i know just laying next to my baby would do the trick for me

just to hear his voice talking to me- playing with my hair, carressing my skin- touching me softly..

i cant wait to be home again..

its going to be so hard to leave

i know i am doing the right thing- but right doesnt always feel too good- sometimes its down right depressing and just plain fucken hurts

i feel like i am missing so much.. life is full of sacrafices and bull shit

just gotta roll with the punches- and keep positive.. put on a happy face
no matter how hard it is, and be ok
cause thats what i do
i stay ok- thats what moms do
if we are not ok, neither is anyone else we are taking care of..
i dont want to leave my babies again
it wont be much longer
i hate leaving my babies
they hate me being gone

sometimes i worry they are going to resent me for this.. all i want to do is make life better for them
make life easier for them then it was for me
i hope that some day they understand, that all this struggling, all this sacrafice.. its for them.. its to make life for them better, so they dont have all the hardships their father and i had.. i hope they know someday, that i am doing all this because i love them more then anything in the world.. even my big baby (hubby)
i know its hard, and its hard to understand right now.. but so much good is going to come of this..
i get just enough strength from God to get through the day ...
and just enough ... to stay one more day
and just enough ... to think one more positive thought
and just enough ... to bear one more minute without my babies
and just enough ... to say- I will not fail- no matter how hard it gets, how lost i might feel, how scared i am - i get just enough from Him- to get me through it.. and that gives me more then enough to spread around to my family- to help keep them positive and happy- just enough for me- equals more then enough to go around.. we will make it- because we are determined- and because i get just enough..

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