scumbagalert101 50M
14 posts
1/26/2006 8:04 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm



I am an asshole, I admit it. I'm married and yet I signed up for a free (read: bullshit, totally worthless and featureless garbage-ass waste of VALUABLE TIME) membership on a personals site that is supposedly only for "singles." Singles? Fuck that bullshit. We're all single, aren't we? A marraige certificate is nothing but a legal agreement that ignores the undeniable animals truths of existence. Sure, it's an emotional agreement of the heart, too, or some other such bullshit (okay, it's not exactly bullshit, may even be the opposite of bullshit), but that ain't the focus here. C'mon fuckers, admit, this thing, like most things, is all about sex. Did you hear me, motherfucker? I said SEX! And by that I mean all things fucking. And fucking does NOT obey man's laws.

Fucking obeys the LAWS OF NATURE. In this respect, sex is like eating. Just because you signed an agreement to, say, eat only hamburgers from McDonalds that doesn't mean the chicken at Church's doesn't look good to you or that you won't get hungry in the vacility of a roast beef sandwich from Arbys. To a certain extent you can control your appetite and subject it to the laws of man, to the social laws and mores and expectations and contracts that we're all familiar with, but only to a certain point, a certain limit that you have very little, if any, control over. Goddamnit, EVERYBODY'S GOTTA EAT! It's not our fucking choice, man, it ain't our fucking design. Whether you believe in God (who, by the way, does NOT exist) or science, we are all the PUPPETS OF IMPERSONAL FORCES ULTIMATELY BEYOND OUR CONTROL!!!

Sure, you can obey that contract you signed to only eat that one hamburger from that one burger joint, but people get bored eating the same thing every fucking day of their miserable lives. Sooner or later you're gonn a wanna stray. Shit, even my fucking DOGS get bored eating the same damn thing every day. I try to spice it up for them, maybe crumble a different treat on top or douse it with hot water oir put some gravy or soup broth on it or whatever, but somehow those little fuckers get wise and figure it out. Sure, they'll choke down enough of the stuff to stay alive, but they always wait till the last minute and I KNOW FOR A FUCKING FACT that that they are FED UP with the shit and that this is starting to impact the rest pof thewir lives, make them bored and listless and unfulfilled.

Yeah, I know, fuckhead, food and sex are different things and people ain't dogs (oh yeah? well they fucking BEHAVE like dogs, don't they?) and you need to force yourself to obey your marriage contract, or your boyfriend-girlfriend agreement to stay faithful to one another because it involves the feelings and effections of another person. Yeah, I fucking GET IT - the Golden Rule. Right. Believe me, I UNDER-FUCKING-STAND! But STILL, that ol' hunger comes boiling back up, don't it? And, sex ain't food because you don't need to fuck to live (no matter what some of yous cumbags might think), but it sure do grab you, don't it?

Okay, so we are creatures of appetites (of various kinds) and puppets of impersonal forces beyond our design and control, yet at the same time human beings with intellgence and consciousness and awareness of the existence and feelings of others who try their very best to remain faiuthful to those we have promised to remain faithful to. All that is well and good, but at some point - and I am AT this POINT - YOU JUST FUCKING CAN'T STAND IT ANY MORE! I don't give a SHIT how many costumes you dress up in, how many different positions you try, how many games, how many or much of ANYTHING you do to "spice things up", eventually it NO LONGER WORKS. Nevermind the fact that maybe your partner isn't as "adventurous" as you are or might have a different level and timing of desire. Eventually, the truth comes down to this (get ready for some FULL DISCLOSURE, folks):


You can barbecue that hamburger, you can slather it with cocktail sauce, you can cover it in chocolate syrup, you can eat it raw, you can suck it in through your fucking nose, unless you're a fucking two year old, you eventually realize and must admit that it is THE SAME FUCKING HAMBURGER DAY AFTER DAY!!

Okay, so where that leaves us is here (and I'm only talkin' to the ladies here): I want to fuck you. I want to lick you. I want to eat you up, IO want to fucking DEVOUR you! I want to shove my big, greasy nose way up inside your slimy cunt and quaff deeply of it lusciousness. I want to stroke your pretty pink nipples. I want to kiss you, kiss your face, kiss your ass, kiss your pussy, kiss, lick, touch, and sniff every fucking part of you, every delicious female part (please, wash beforehand and be COMPLETELY DISEASE FREE). I want to learn what makes you cum and then I want to make you cum and cum and cum until you can't fucking stand it any more. And then, when I grow a little bored with you I want to just disappear from your life.

And it all has to be in secret. I AM married and I love my wife and we are going to be happily together forever (or until we die, anyway) and your ass isn't going to get in the fucking way. Still, I want to meet you, I want to feel you, I want to know what you taste like. Also, I can't go running all around the country chasing your dumb ass, you gotta be LOCAL and DISCREET and DISEASE FREE. And, you gotta have an ass that ain't too heavy for a short, sorta weak guy to lift. Sorry, I like round, full bodied women, but that ain't what I'm looking for. There may be exceptions, of course, so if you think you might be one let me know (if that's even possible with this worthless free membership thing - and NO, I cannot PAY for this shit because the bill can be found and traced).

And that is why I am here. I admit it. I don't hold out much hope, however, because this shit never works out. Keep watching this space if you think you can take the cold, hard truth about shit.

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