Current mood - Tiger  

samurai_jack74 43M
7 posts
4/25/2006 4:00 pm

Last Read:
12/29/2006 6:12 am

Current mood - Tiger

It seems so nice that we can choose from 100 different moods when we want to write our posts, but then there's not a single one that can describe the mood I'm in for the best part of this day.

I actually had to do a small (actually not small - this is 2 CD's release - played on loop) musical meditation - some Cafe del Mar - Chill House Vol.2, and especially 2 songs - Love and Tears by Acuarian Dream and Michael by Roy Davis, Jr. made me gain composure and some sense to do the writing. Though - name of my blog and the introduction were written before that. Only I know what would come out of me if I just continued writing at that time. But then how can I guarantee you that it will not come out of me at some other time. And I know it will.

Right... Back to the moods thingy. As I said, none of the moods listed here suit me well at this time. Guess they will never suit me anyway. But I don't care... cause I know my moods and know how to describe them. And though they can be too strong at the times, I learned to accept them and control them (most of the time), not the other way around.

The mood I enjoy the most is my Lion mood. People that catch me in this mood (and some did catch me in this mood this weekend - had soooo much fun chatting with them, and I know they did too) will probably see the Lion in all his glory.
Tall, strong, proud, playful and heart-full... Protective and caring of everyone and everything around him, never letting you down when you need him. Leader of the pack, afraid of almost nothing and no-one, he never wants to be alone - and loves to be in the center of attention, especially of the opposite sex. If you get his attention, he'll do anything for you, often not asking nothing in return.
Of course, he's almost always right (being wise and smart), but not to proud-full to admit when he's wrong. Hard to handle at times (well he is THE KING), but in truth just an overgrown cute kitten - always ready for play. Can have sex many times during the day (sometimes I think that's the only thing he thinks about). Will purrrr if you find the right spot(s).

But when the Lion went to sleep somewhere deep inside me last night (and he doesn't seem like waking up any time soon), my other mood (spirit), the one that was away for a very long time, finally came back - the Tiger.
That one is the one people fear the most - because he's never afraid of them and he never will be. Tiger is a fearsome creature, also tall, proud and strong, but unlike the Lion, he is very lonely and hard to comprehend. Maybe because he's almost invisible, stalking in the shadows, ready to jump out and explode in a flurry of moves, colors and emotions, and just vanish back in the shadows, still feeling the blood pumping strong and hot through his veins, still feeling that rush of a kill, still smelling the fear and tasting the blood of his prey.
There is no right or wrong for Tiger, just the things he needs to do. Lurk, stalk, wait... and then - another prey, another kill, another rush of life through his veins.
Never asleep, (unlike the good ol' Lion) just lurking in the darkness, waiting for the chance, for that moment in time and space when life and death become a full circle. One must die so the other could feel alive.
Tiger doesn't care about anything or anyone, just about himself and that need - not to eat, not to sleep, not to play, but the need to feel alive, and to find his next prey, make another kill. Aaaaaahhh it so... intense... no, intense is just a small word compared to the feeling of being alive.
If you get his attention, pray that he only plays with you, because if he doesn't, well I hope I will never have to find out what he's capable of.
Has sex mainly for procreation, rarely for recreation. Will not purrr if his life depends on it, and will probably kill you if you try to find his spot. But then... noone ever tried. To afraid, I guess.

Being blessed with not one but two spirits and such a powerful ones, could also be a great burden.
I've accepted my Lion long time ago, and it is who I'm for the most of my life. I love that life as it gives me joy, happiness, and it makes me wanna share it with everyone who is around me. Being the Lion IS joy, happiness and a lots of sex (scientific fact).
On the other hand, the Tiger has a special place in my heart. He is the one I ache to be when he's not around, and to be not when he's around. I love those rushes of life, shivers in my arms and legs, adrenalin filling my heart making it pump so strong and powerful, making me feel soooo alive. That is such a rush... there's no drug that can do that to you - make you feel alive with all your senses fired up just because you're alive.
But I hate him for being such a lonely soul, seeking solitude, his place, his lair in this world where no one can find him and touch him. At these times I can feel my heart wanting to break up, and I feel the tears that I would love to cry out, and that Tiger that is me, who will not let it happen. Ever.
The emotions of my Tiger mood are extremely strong and hard to grasp and control, but I enjoy them even when they make me do something that's not rational. Like jumping from a plane, rafting through the fastest white-water that can be found or doing some other utterly crazy thing (like writing this post), just to feel alive again and again and again.
I knew that me and the Tiger were in a lose/lose situation. I couldn't let him get the best of me, couldn't let him take me over but also couldn't kill him and have the half of who I'm die with him. And that's why I closed him in the cage and moved him to the darkness of my soul. Long time ago. Very long time ago. I didn't like it, he didn't like it, but it was a compromise I had to make.
Then, the other day I met someone here, someone who had her spirit high and shining through, radiating all around her, someone that made me feel ashamed of myself and what I have done with my Tiger. And so I opened that cage, and set him free again, and felt like I never felt in years. He's a bit rough and cranky from being closed up for so long, and he wants to get his legs stretched, his muscles flexed, find that prey again. Me... well I embraced him with my heart and soul and enjoy him being back.

And I will try to keep him free this time.

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