The thing about threesomes -- by her  

salacious_desire 42M/42F
19 posts
8/29/2006 5:30 am

Last Read:
8/31/2006 8:20 pm

The thing about threesomes -- by her


I love women. They are soft and curvy and I lust after them. I also love cock and a dominant male personality. This is why I consider myself bisexual.

Hence I obviously seek out women that are bisexual as well so they will be interested in me and my male partner. It all makes logical sense, right?

--Side note -- And you hear all the time that every man's fantasy is to be with two women. This is not true, being a sex therapist (specializing in alternative sexuality) means that I get to hear all the good stuff. The stuff that the rest of the world doesn't get to know. And many many many men I have spoken with have no interest in being with two women. In fact, I hear more often about women being interested in a threesome much more than their male counterparts.

Still in the actual moment of three bodies touching, kissing, and having sex in various forms.... something happens. There is an electricity that occurs. For me, I get lost in the sensations. I can immediately tell the difference between a man and a woman touching me. I move much more softly and caress much more when I'm with a woman. Where when I'm with a man, I like it rough, really really rough. Being a sucker for contrast in all areas of my life, I enjoy the dichotomy of the sensuality that is evoked within me for women and the submissive obedience that comes with being with a man. It feels like in those moments I'm whole.

One might think then I would want both a male and female partner on a regular basis. I have tried having relationships with both males and females separately and at the same time. It just doesn't work out. I have found over time that I enjoy relationships with men and including women in my sexual adventures. This combination feels right to me.

So back to the electricity ... when three people are together.. there is an energy that is created. It builds... but waiting for that first moment... who will touch first, how will the first kiss happen, and when things will finally move into sex... all of that makes me crazy with desire. I think I enjoy the anticipation of threesomes almost as much as I enjoy them when they are actually happening.

I don't consider myself "wild in bed." In truth, I consider myself pretty normal, perhaps even boring. This is probably why I seek out new things with my partners. Yes, I love rough sex, but I enjoy tender sweet sex as well. Yes, if I had my way I'd probably want a threesome with another woman about once a month but I also really enjoy having a strong sexual connection with my partner. I may enjoy sex with other people but I consider myself monogamous. How is that possible, one might ask.

It's like this. I want emotional monogamy with my partner. I want the two of us to be deeply connected where we are sharing another woman _together_. It isn't just for me, it isn't just for him, it is for the two of us together. And because I am not looking for these experiences on my own, I want to simply add a woman to what I already have, then I don't consider it being poly or even swinging. And I consider myself extremely devoted to my male partner, so much that unless you knew me you would think I would never even consider adding another person into the mix.

It may appear that I'm rich with contradictions but they all are parts of me that exist and I honor each of them. Do I have insecurities? Yes, I'm human. I'm not so confident in my sexuality (don't really know anyone that is) that I can do all this without fear. I do however believe that the only way to get over such things and build trust is to push through. I approach my insecurities head on and deal. It isn't easy, I have had people in my past be total jerks. I have had people betray me and take advantage of me. And I have allowed it because I wasn't able to stand up for myself. And all of this makes it difficult at times to have a threesome.

For the most part, my lack of being able to set boundaries has changed. I know exactly what I want and if everyone isn't on board, then I'm not out to change them, I simply am not interested in them being a part of my life in an intimate way. Some think that bringing another person into a sexual act between primary partners is easy. In truth, it is and it isn't. It requires a whole hell of a lot of security between the partners. Emotions run high, people get weird, and yes it will bring out all sorts of issues one has and has not dealt with, but if you openly communicate all of that, you can find it strengthens your relationship too.

And that brings me back to another piece of the threesome puzzle that I love so much. I find such pleasure discussing with my partner afterward what happened, what we liked, what we didn't, and the process tends to reconnect us as a couple. It was an experience we shared together. It is a part of us forever and something added to our relationship. Yes, it is hot... so fucking hot at times. Yes, it can be weird and uncomfortable times. But overall, I have found that it is worth it for me. The good and the bad parts all are character building. Every bit of the experience helps me understand myself and my partner more. There is no downside for me as long as my partner and I are on the same page.

I encourage you to look at your own life and relationship. Push yourself.... and when you get scared... repeat my mantra "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I promise you will discover parts of yourself you never knew about and that sort of growth is ever so important.

---- side note ---- Oh yeah, I highly recommend you watch the movie Threesome. It isn't exactly about this subject but it has some really good ideas about dealing with the subject in an honest and real way. Plus there is this whole thing about library and books that turns me on!

silverhawk762 52M/49F

8/29/2006 5:58 am

You've really put the majority of the threesome issues on the table - thank you! This is something that we've been doing for about 10 years now, and so far have only found male partners. A threesome is absolutely incredible when it works - the sensations are intensified to an almost unbearable level, every nerve feeling like it's being stimulated at once.

It's always been easy for me to find words, but there are some things about bringing other people into the bedroom that just can't be quantified or explained. You've come about as close as anyone can to explaining what it's REALLY like!


salacious_desire 42M/42F
7 posts
8/29/2006 8:56 am

Thank you for the kind words. It is a powerful experience and I'm glad that you have been able to explore with these ideas for as long as you have. I think it is important for each of us to find out what it is that works or does not work in regards to our sexuality.


rm_wisexfans77 53M/41F

8/29/2006 9:19 pm

Wow. This is an eloquent, thoughtful and impressive piece of writing. I'm really glad I read it! Thanks!

(also, the french picture cracks me up! Nice to see some visual humor on AdultFriendFinder)


salacious_desire 42M/42F
7 posts
8/30/2006 6:51 am

    Quoting rm_wisexfans77:
    Wow. This is an eloquent, thoughtful and impressive piece of writing. I'm really glad I read it! Thanks!

    (also, the french picture cracks me up! Nice to see some visual humor on AdultFriendFinder)
That is sweet of you to say. BTW, we don't have access to email you but we are very interested in talking with you if you are still open to couples Let us know!


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