Submissive v. Slave - pt 2  

rm_txrose4uNTX 59F
5791 posts
5/13/2005 3:42 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Submissive v. Slave - pt 2

In part 1, I referenced a chat that I had with a friend of mine which was pretty determinate that it was a total lifestyle and not just about sex. I asked what you thought about this... and I had many comments.

The last two that I couldn't respond to due to AdultFriendFinder technical difficulties were:

Unique541: "I can't help but wonder if too much of a good thing can be bad. I mean dom/sub role-playing sounds like it would be fun and erotic, but I don't think that I could live the lifestyle that your friend seems to be talking about. Giving over, and having control over someone would be freeing in a way. I think I even read somewhere that the Dom's mindset has to be completely focused on the Sub's wants and needs. Damn, I'm babbling again. *Grin* "

Actually, Unique, I often get on my soapbox (can you tell??) so babbling is nothing!! lol.... I agree with your statement about possibly too much of a good thing can be bad. I think that this friend of mine has truly crossed over the line...especially when it goes past being sensual and pleasure. That seems scary to me. Part of the the whole erotica thing is, afterall, all about pleasure, sensual arousements, and sex -- isn't it?? I do agree that it should be someone freeing and not so restrictive as the dom/sub relationship that he is describing.

HughJarse2000: "Hey - just opinion here ok? Ok.

If you place a post up like this , one assumes, you are interested in comments/response. Absolutely!! Of course. I am concerned that this person might be taking it way too far. As usual 425 views and only "smileguy" to comment (well done that man BTW). So here's mine.

Strikes me that there are levels to this. I am comfortable with bedroom level dominance only. I have a natural respect for my fellow man and woman. I can act out fantasies in the bedroom based on disrespect and dominance, only because outside of that arena I can quickly re-instate a respectful equal place with that partner.

I see the whole exercise as being one that builds trust. Trust is a loving building block. Yes! Trust is the whole building foundation to any relationship!

But to live a world of service in real slave/sub tones is to have an unhealthy desire to build trust, to need to trust . It wreaks of poor self worth, loneliness, and maybe self hatred. But certainly (IMH a lack of trust in oneself, such that there is a cheaper pay off in placing trust of oneself in the hands of another, as a dedicated life choice. It seems to imply that an individual is so doubtful of their ability to control their own life that it is "safer" to hand that control over to another head. I am not sure if I totally agree. With the case scenario of my friend that I chatted with online, could be so; however, in the bedroom sense...the erotica of someone being in control and the other being submissive can be quite stimulating and a means to escape the pressures of the world outside of the bedroom, as well as sense of role playing.

Whilst I would like to remain objective and respectful of others that make such a choice You mean a choice for a lifestyle other than sex, right???, I can not. This is similar to acknowledging a minimum age of consent. Most of us would agree that a 13 year old is simply not capable of making wise descisions about their body, sexuality, health etc. Someone who is offering up their body, sexuality, health in service of a "dom". to be controlled by another person for domination or slavery is stating to the world - I am not capable of making decisions for myself. What about just the pure escapism in the bedroom? I presume, again, that you are referring to it being a pure lifestyle rather than just a bedroom thing, right???

This person requires help, support , education and love. Not the domination that they so inappropriately seek.

Some people can be so damaged by their journey in life that they will give away that one very human notion of "free will" that remains, as it is often the last that they have to give when the world has already stripped them of everything else. These people need building up not taking over.

Buyer beware !!!!" I would have to agree, Hugh, that one needs to be cautionary whenever they mention that they want to explore the dom/sub realm. Many of the AdultFriendFinder members have it checked off in their profiles; however, I think it is (1) too generalized b/c, for example, as you mentioned yourself, there are many levels; (2) it sounds good to many people but thaty have never really understood what it truly means; and (3) what most people refer to as wanting to explore being dominant want it merely for the bedroom and not intend on carrying it throughout all aspects of their lives.

I know that there are many AdultFriendFinder people who have marked it on their profile. Please explain at which level do you mean you want to explore this. Is is just the bedroom level? or are you what I would consider (and probably Hugh would consider) as being hardcore dom/sub???

Very curious now....


unique - "For me, it would just be an extension of role-play. ... Really what it all boils down to is communication. If my partner and I are at a point where we're going to explore the dom/sub relationship, then we'd damn well better be at the point where we can talk openly about what our fantasies/limits are. ..."
Why, yes. I see it as an extension of role play. I wonder what it would be like, for example to be blindfolded and my hands tied back while my mate is taking a feather and tickling me with it as a part of the foreplay process??? Hmmmm....

hugh - No, Hugh, you were right on the nose about his entire lifestyle thing. He directed me to a site involving Leather & Roses which emphasized the lifestyle thing, as well (though too) it mentioned the dangers of abuse possibly occuring. For most people on AdultFriendFinder, I believe that they are referring only to be taken just beyond their comfort zone in the bedroom type of thing rather than the lifestyle thing in the broad sense when they check it off in their profiles.

HughJarse2000 49M

5/14/2005 4:41 pm

My comments (Part 2) LOL

Yes Rosie , my comments were about sub/dom at a level that was seen in the chat with your friend. Lifestyle sub/dom. It is out there , and most folk prob don't realise that.

For most of us , I gather, Sub/Dom is a bedroom situation. And I have to tell you , actually I don't have to tell you (lol) , but here we are, for myself there are very few things off limits in my bedroom. Different partners bring with them different "role plays" . And I love it when someone takes me safely past my comfort zone. And it is very bonding to do the same for someone else.

Although I had a chuckle to myself going back over your post. was wondering if your friend was talking about bedroom Sub/Dom but just trying to get his laundry and dishes done while you were round at his place. LOL

Love the blog.


rm_Unique541 43M

5/13/2005 11:09 pm

For me, it would just be an extension of role-play. I think it would fairly erotic to be bound and or powerless to control what is happening. (And of course the opposite is true to; To be the one in control.) But definitely whithin pre-defined limits.

Really what it all boils down to is communication. If my partner and I are at a point where we're going to explore the dom/sub relationship, then we'd damn well better be at the point where we can talk openly about what our fantasies/limits are.

Long story shot, I'm down for some tying up/down, possibly a little light pain, and sensory deprivation. But then again, I'm a bit of a sensualist.

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