2 posts
3/17/2005 3:00 pm

Last Read:
2/12/2008 11:12 am


What happens to sexual ardor…to the thrill of passion…the sense of discovery that envelops couples exploring a new relationship?

It seems that it falls into a rut all too quickly. You learn what works for the other person and what your partner doesn’t like or considers off limits and that becomes the pattern for your lovemaking.

The most exciting lover I ever had could be described as totally uninhibited. Does that mean she was willing to do absolutely anything with me sexually? No, probably not. Well, actually, probably so. She told me several times that she thought there was little I couldn’t convince her to try. I do know it meant that she conveyed the feeling that nothing would be ever rejected out of hand.

She was also free enough with her sex drive and passionate enough that mechanics went totally out the window. Too often, learning about lovemaking with a woman means learning the techniques which will bring her to arousal and orgasm. You become so caught up in the technique of making love that lovemaking becomes nothing but technique…and that way lies a slow death to the joy that should be sex.

My lover had the ability to be aroused in a myriad of ways. I don’t know if this was something inherent in her nature or learned but it was wonderful. I found myself freed from worrying about what would arouse her and instead just exploring all the ways she could be aroused. She responded vividly to every caress and kiss.

Our foreplay could last forever as far as I was concerned. Indeed, there were many times I did not care if I climaxed or not, I was totally lost in the exploration of her desire. Her orgasms were resounding and glorious to behold but orgasm for me became not the goal of sex but just a wonderful part of it…it truly became the climax.

I could become totally lost in her as we made love. There were times in our orgasm, I truly felt I was so immersed in her that some part of me not physical left me and touched some part of her untouched. This was not sex, this was union. This was passion; passion I had never known; passion I had not before believed existed.

I would also describe my lover as earthy. She was uninhibited about her body and all its functions and sometimes seemed to take delight in shocking me with her openness -- in the bedroom, in the bath, hell, by the side of the road. Sometimes I was a little shocked at myself because I found this openness so tremendously arousing. There was nothing to hide.

Nothing is more deflating than a new lover who immediately tells you what she doesn’t like, who hides behind doors and in the darkness. I realize that there are many, probably most, women who just can’t stomach this or that sexual practice. I understand but when they immediately begin laying out the ground rules, they are setting limits on your sexual horizons as a couple. And I know I always need to feel there are new horizons, new worlds to explore sexually. But this isn’t really about the willingness to do anything; it’s about the ability to go anywhere with your partner, to find new worlds together; to explore the limits of passion.

When I was younger I thought the way to these new worlds was always with new partners. This partner was open to these things and reacted this way and that one maybe stretched the horizon a little that way.

But I eventually learned that all I was doing was exploring a few worlds with each and it wasn’t enough.

My lover showed me that there existed the possibility that there may be some way to keep the horizons out there in the distance…to keep the feeling that there was always a new world waiting out there to be explored in the arms of this one person.


2/12/2008 9:43 am

Ahh the freedom of being so comfortable with a partner that your sensuality oozes into new realms of sexuality

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