rm_treb0r75 43M
28 posts
1/10/2006 8:45 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Like I said in my "Numero Uno" post, some people may like what I have to say here, and some may not. Please do not take offense to what I am about to say
, since this is coming from the heart and it is not premeditated............

I have lived a wonderful life, I have been loved and I have loved back. When I look at my serious relationships I wonder where I would be if a single one could have been saved? I am 30 years young and have divorce papers stashed somewhere. I have many scars of love from relationships that I opened my heart and let lose with no thought of the consequences!

I am a hopeless romantic. I feel that right now somewhere out there is a special woman who was born just for me, and I think she is wondering where I am as I type this post. She is the woman who will cry when I cry, laugh when I laugh, fight by my side with unconditional love 'til death do us apart. I did not look for you my love until I had felt true pain by going through a divorce. I married the wrong woman thinking you were not out there! I moved 1,200 miles from home to start over because I realized you are out there. After 3 years of searching I thought I found you! I thought she
was you. I thought our journey had ended and our souls would finally unite as one. Well, I was wrong. Not only did I find the wrong woman, I found the WORST ONE OUT THERE. My broken heart does not ache for her anymore. My shattered heart aches for the child she terminated for many selfish reasons. Not only did I fight tooth and nail to stop her from doing it. I almost lost my job because I was a desperate man the final hours before the abortion!
Now all I have is the sleepless nights with a pillow case soaked in tears. But I will never forget that child that was not allowed it's first breath.....I will tattoo on my body the date it died so I never forget the day part of me died.

Now I wonder if you are worth it? I wonder if I hadn't been so selfish thinking I had found you, if that poor child would had ended such a horrible death?! I know my little angel is looking upon me from heaven , waiting for the day we meet and hug for the first time. I don't ever want this to happen again. It hurts now, and it will hurt 'til the day I die. Are you worth me continuing the search? How many more broken hearts have to come and go while I search? Are you even alive today?

These are many questions I have now a days, and I wonder if there really is true love out there for me? How close is this dream to the one of a child's dream of old Saint Nick?

This is too much for me today, since I still show the scars from J L S and the pain she put me through............

Tomorrow will be another day

rm_art_persists 53M
1789 posts
1/10/2006 9:16 pm

time to let go...

moonfire2u 70F
2602 posts
1/10/2006 10:28 pm

I agree with art persists...let it go and free yourself...

kind thoughts,


1/11/2006 10:54 am

Damn bro, that's heavy. Yes, you must let it go and move on. You're right, SHE is out there somewhere and you will find her eventually. It's too bad you had to go through what you have but, that is the past now and you have to look to the future. Just remember, nothing worth having comes easy, you should know this from your work, right? It takes a lot of work to get the results we desire, but, if we work hard enough, they will come. The same goes with love but, in a different aspect. We have to look hard to find the right one, if we do, we will find them, so will you. At least you seem to know what you are looking for and I commend you for that, so many people don't.

Good luck bro and keep your chin up.........EN

rm_treb0r75 43M
5 posts
1/31/2006 9:05 pm

Thank you art persists and moonfire2u. I appreciate your kind words.

To my group members EN, Lisa and Destiny. You guys have been amazing in so many different ways and times. I am honored to say I'm part of the TASA gang.......


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