Sleep glorious slumber  

rm_tennismaiden 61F
2103 posts
1/21/2006 4:29 am

Last Read:
3/6/2008 6:02 am

Sleep glorious slumber

Some of the talk in blogland of late is there are many of us vampires roaming the internet looking to sink our teeth into something juicy.Yeah I'm up way too late and then rise too early in the morning.

Insomnia is a pesty pain in the rump affliction making it impossible to focus for any period of time and bringing "dementia" to a whole new meaning. I remember being a teenager and taking anti-histamines just before bed time to help with the onset which is my most difficult transition to make.

All through college I'd take these pills (my father was a pharmacist) and while I waited for any sign or yawn I'd do music lyrics in my head repeating them like a broken record. This was kind of like obsessive compulsive disorder, having to go through such practices late at night but the mantra like meditation did eventually get me to sleep. I had so many lyrics to remember it was staggering, I still to this day have nightmares about college and this ritual.

Much later in life I had another really severe bout with insomnia, 1997 right after I moved into my "dream" home that we had built near Princeton. 4000 square feet of pure bliss, every little boy having their own rooms and enough space for two seperate offices fro me and my spouse. I dashed like crazy painting/wall papering, buying furniture and sewing window treatments due to the enslaught of family arrival upon our doorstep 2 weeks after we moved in for Thanksgiving.

That year I was still a mad woman trying to create a perfect "executive" enclave hoping to receive my husbands undying approval and affections. I then began hour by hour loosing more and more sleep. My mind racing and churning while obsessive thoughts cycled in my mind. Accute was an understatement for 5 months solid I didn't sleep for more then 15 minutes at a night.

The decision was to become hospitalized and get my rhythms normalized with a strong concoction of many drugs. You can't believe, between anti depressants, beta blockers, tranquilizers what this took but I did finally settle into a glorious pattern of zzzzzz's. When I returned home I began intense therapy with the most marvelous PHD who was the light of my life. WE dove.....really deep unlocking fears, anxieties, denials and all the crap of the last 42 years that had brought me to that dark and terrifying place.

Eventually I became stronger, more self assured and ready to move forward. That's when the seperation occured. AAAARRRGGHHH, horrible ...I was informed I was no longer loved and wanted a divorce immediatly. OK I know what you're thinking....he's cheating...too bad I didn't get that thought instantly. He was...and I, devastated. Through the continual therapy I uncovered more than just betrayal...I lifted the mask of abuse.

My ex was abusive emotionally...if any of you know the cycle of abuse there are documented behaviors and symptoms of the perpetrator and the effects on his/her victim. One being INSOMNIA, Or sleep disturbances.

The clouds parted at that time in my life, I wept from sadness I laughed with joy, an epiphany so real I all but screamed from the roof tops. Life has taken many turns since those days of yor. I am a different woman, still have sleepless nights but they are my own. I cajole and tease them, I laugh and wrestle and then reach for aid on some nights.

Last night I was speaking to several AdultFriendFinder members, my loyal and faithful friends whom I had to bid adieux eyes just could not stay open and I found myself drifting while hearing the smooth and tranquil tones of their voices. I was being lulled to sleep by love.

Proud to say...a solid 8 hours which is very rare and I feel like a million bucks this morning. Thank you!

MyRealLoverOne 47M

1/21/2006 7:58 am

I will be glad to help you on those sleepless nights..smiles

HeardLankaMalls 56M
2925 posts
1/21/2006 8:25 am

Thanks for sharing yourself with us ((((Tennis))))

mygmyg 60M

1/21/2006 10:04 am

T.M., glad and happy for you, that restful sleep finally found its way, back to you! the first of many many more !

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz !

negotiator50 62M

1/21/2006 11:14 am

Fair maiden, I dont know if you have ever knowen any body who never gets hungery,well you do now. I can go days with out eating,I think I am a cyborge? I sleep 5 hours and feel good sleep 10 hours and feel like shit. I think mental stress is far worse than physical exhaustion. I believe when two people are close they know each others problems.For years when my partner was dying of C (cant say it)I had a similar disorder,after she passed over and thing slowed down I slept for a week. We shared the pain.
We lost everthing townhouse,money,investment and you know what I only lost the one thing that realy matters, my lady.
I am glad you are back on course, stay steve XX00.

rm_anacortes 75M
2850 posts
1/21/2006 4:05 pm

Dear One,

Thank you for sharing.. it reminds me in my 12 step program where we get the "opportunity" to tell our story.. up before the whole world.. It can be very very hard, but I believe all benefit from finally getting the TRUTH OUT.. to finally be free..

That ole saying about the "truth shall set you free"... hang in there.

SpaceRangerNJ 56M
4687 posts
1/21/2006 4:46 pm

First, glad you slept and feel well. I have never had insomnia like you but I do tend to have trouble shutting off. The mind keeps going. I tried some relaxation techniques, slow my breathing, slow my heart rate and concentrate on music playing in headphones. I've had the drugs that should have knocked out a horse and there I would be still up at 4am. I didn't know of the psychological abuse link to insomnia.
So, last night. Got out of a movie at half past 10, talked with a friend in the parking lot till one thirty; about divorce and how to get started, came home and had to pack to go hiking. Then of course a half hour blogging. Three thirty and I try to go to bed. Mind still going. Had to get up by 7. Could have and should have been in bed long before I was.
Sometimes I'm up because I get the feeling If I go to sleep I'll miss something.
Then there are times where all I want to do is sleep. I think it comes with depression.
That's my story.

mackjohnny69 60M

1/22/2006 7:40 am

I have had many of sleepless nites. Need to clear your mind and turn it of. But I am happy you got a good nite sleep. Need to get out of the house and enjoy your self -- find a man who well make you happy again -- you'll sleep.


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