Oh Bloody Hell......Again?  

rm_tennismaiden 61F
2103 posts
7/25/2006 6:16 am

Last Read:
3/6/2008 7:34 am

Oh Bloody Hell......Again?

There has been something going on of late and I'm not really sure of what it is...but one thing's for sure we should all run and hide! Shhhhhh don't tell anyone I'm under my bed and I've taken with me the last of the chocolate, water, flashlight and but of course...my dildo! Do I need anything else but these things? I think NOT!

I've been noticing much, many bloggers in turmoil, posts that have been limited to "friends only" due to sabotage. Blogs that have been deleted altogether along with all their comments on other posts. What in bloody hell is going on?

Yesterday morning I had to attain a backbone and make the call to my friend/boss/partner Ann, let her know that I would be putting my home for sale on the market sooner than I expected. I continued telling her I needed this time to get my affairs in order and couldn't spend as much time working for her anymore.I offered her time when she needed it if she becomes swamped with work..."Just call me" I told her.

Now that my friend Shirley is helping at least Ann isn't left high and dry and should be able to work out the kinks of her business. The reason wasn't this simple for walking away, I had been really bothered by so many uncomfortable occurrences between Ann and I, continuing with her would have prolonged the discomfort.

Over the last few months as work began to pile up Ann was juggling so much, rent, new investments, new accounts, new worries etc. Of course she was under stress especially since she and her boyfriend had split after 7 years together and no real future anymore.This was of course difficult for her and I remained as supportive as I could. She had become very distant from me during this time and little by little would confide in me less and less.

When she decided to move into the new space and take that leap I did everything a friend and associate could do. Took road trips gathering organizing items, supplies, fabrics and what ever we needed to begin. I would show up ready to sew, paint, contribute my own personal belongings to help her establish the business. Fabrics, chairs, organizing boxes, machines, never expecting to be reimbursed or compensated due to my belief I had a future with her. In the beginning I didn't even keep my hours for payment I knew she was tight on money and felt I should donate my support and time to her success.

Something along the way happened, I'm not sure what, as she became more stressed out her demeanor changed and she would become short tempered with me, frantic that jobs wouldn't get completed on time. Then the snide comments would slither out to me. All the while another of her friends was helping her, she would take less time producing and working labor and more administrative work while Shirley and I were doing the grunt work and most of the sewing. It was clear that even when we did the sewing she wanted it done faster with more precision due to having to pay us per hour. But she hadn't been doing allot of the work being that she hadn't learned to time manage yet.

Ann put in 7 days per week working at the shop, I know she was stressed but never had we been uncomfortable around each other until....now. I talked less, didn't want to complain for fear she would again jump down my throat. Even when we would bump into one another socially it just wasn't the same. When I first began working with her she knew of my restrictions of time and hours, the agreement was for flexibility and I worked best under those circumstances, getting out to the island was a haul some days and even worse now that summer arrived. There were times even though I could use the money I didn't pressure her into paying me knowing she was juggling finances.

Now I know I'm not perfect, that I could be more reliable get my shit together and I don't know....but how much more could I have possibly done? It became abundantly clear there was no future there for me anymore. Her friend was now doing consults with her and I was relegated to the workroom only. She didn't ask for my advice anymore I was just a worker bee. There were even times jokes had been made about Shirley and I being "Mexicans" in the sweatshop.

I'm saddened that I had to make that choice, ending what could have been a great partnership especially since I'll be going to school and actually receiving formal education in the trade, but I felt investing myself for little or no money and taking such a beating emotionally was clearly not a choice and I had to walk.

Afterward I spoke to Shirley and Ann had actually said she thought I had "attitude". WHAT? MEEEE? WTF? Hey Ann wake up and smell the coffee, you (while maybe not intentionally) didn't think you were sabotaging this association?You were, and wanted me gone! Nothing I did was ever right or good enough as you commented and scowled at me every chance you had. Do you expect me to stay under those conditions? Do you expect I'll continue being ridiculed over and over while the rest of your associates get smiles I receive frowns from you?

I think not! Later girl...I've got my own shit to take care of and I didn't need your's piled on me after 1 1/2 years of dedication and loyalty.

HeardLankaMalls 56M
2925 posts
7/25/2006 7:40 am

It's a shame TM that she didn't see what was in her midst. But it's always easier to see things at a distance, then what is right under our noses. And who knows what Ann's friend was telling her about her 'experience' and knowledge, versus your friendship and tastes. And, you could do the work, and it sounds like the friend enjoyed the "consultant" life (all talk, no do).

You sound like you've got a direction and goals to achieve. As you stated, get your house in order (sold, moved, settled, etc), get through school, and start life anew. You now get to move in a direction for you. And, having read your blog for these past few months, I'm sure you'll achieve your goals with flying colors and honors. And, if you have any self doubts or worries, you know you'll always get a lift up from those of us here

Hugs, C

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 6:00 am:
I think the term is "cut your nose to spite your face" and yes I'm not sure she fully understands what was done either subconsciously or not, but it was her choice and then mine to walk away.

Slowly I'm learning and perhaps the most important lesson is to do for self. Rely on only TM for happiness, success and joy. Other wise the others in our life just disappoint.

Thank you for the many lifts you give to me C, a constant friend and comrade! {=}

AstirRelicLatah 66M
1993 posts
7/25/2006 7:45 am

It's often hard to let go and move on, especially when you become emotionally invested in success. Your friend/boss/nemesis is most likely have some problems that in her mind you've caused. Having worked with private business owners for years, my guess is she might be having some cash flow issues and she has decided to vent at you.

In my experience it's best to move on and use the experience as one to learn from. You'll probably feel better in the end.

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 6:04 am:
I thought the same skier, I have been a whipping post so often I've got the welts to prove it. NO more....now I recognize the actions and must remove myself from such predicaments. Isn't it awful that money can be the root of all evil?

Damn we should go back to trading skins and grains LOL!

libgemOH 57M/53F

7/25/2006 1:11 pm

Hell girl, that sounds like my 2nd marriage!!

The one thing I have discovered about myself is this. I tend to get WAY too involved in work and WAY too involved with co-workers. And then I see things that are not quite up to snuff. Then I mention it. Then I'm called on the floor for my attitude.

Where I'm working right now, I'm calling it a job, I'm calling my co-workers my co-workers, not my friends and I'm putting in my 8 hours and getting my check. For me, it's much safer!!

Don't know if you are like this too or not, but I suspect you might see just a wee tad of this in you too.... -B

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 6:14 am:
Yes I am a wee bit like that, but usually I won't cause waves and speak up, I'll take the crap for so long and then walk away. Onto bigger and better things.

Good advice, I will remember not to make friends with my co-workers OR I'll be the boss and have them working for me!

free2chose2 67F

7/25/2006 1:12 pm

TM, I believe once your home is off the market,sons transplanted, that you'll have more opportunity for your professional goals.

Don't worry, be Happy

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 6:15 am:
I know...breathe...all in due time. *sigh*

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
7/25/2006 1:24 pm

Management is an art, as well as a science. Many entrepreneurs just don't understand that part of what they're doing. Working with friends makes it doubly hard. I realize it was difficult to go through this, but now you are unencumbered and can plot your own course.

Good luck.

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 6:49 am:
This relationship began as boss/worker it was only in the course of working so closely that we became friends. I should have known better then to let my guard down. Live and learn next time I'll keep a safe distance.

So right you are Kelli, no one can live my life for me I must have the desire to plot it's own course.

Dekora 54M
937 posts
7/25/2006 3:15 pm

Sorry for the challenges, changes and stress, TM. I believe your co-worker's work ethic of being their 25/8 is burning her out.

But, if you're under the bed, and have run out of chocolate, or find your B.O.B. has rolled into too grungy of a pile of dust bunnies, let me know... I'll be right over!!!! [grin, very evil grin!]

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 6:52 am:
Dust bunnies wouldn't be the problem it's my black little bitch of a dog that goes under and hides there! And you wouldn't want to meet up with her...she's likely to take a huge bite outta your arse.LOL

rm_dhank1954 64M

7/25/2006 6:42 pm


In my continuing battles in my life, sometimes I'm reminded of the words of wisdom that help me get thru. "Look back, but just don't there" is one that comes to mind often. You've made your choices and have learned from the past to make your next group of choices ... always changing as we try to get close to life's brass rings ... but isn't this journey a kick???

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 6:54 am:
I just need an inch or two extended to my fingers to grab that damn brass ring, too bad I wasn't Inspector Gadget he has the equipment for sure!

Glimmer_Man06 48M
3308 posts
7/26/2006 12:11 am

    Quoting rm_kelli4u2dew:
    Management is an art, as well as a science. Many entrepreneurs just don't understand that part of what they're doing. Working with friends makes it doubly hard. I realize it was difficult to go through this, but now you are unencumbered and can plot your own course.

    Good luck.
Ditto that!

They say a woman ages like fine wine...

...mine ages like milk!

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 7:02 am:
Thank you for stopping in to see me Glimmer...welcome to my blog I hope you set a spell and have a good laugh now and again. I've been told I can be funny when I'm not crying in my beer! LOL

SpaceRangerNJ 56M
4687 posts
7/26/2006 2:09 am

Bloody Hell! I love that phrase.

I'm not sure what is going on in blogland but can I hide under the bed with you? I need to get away (I had a rough end to my Tuesday).

I have a friend who has been planning a business with a woman for years. And as it was getting ready to open she did a Jeckle and Hyde (sorry 'bout the spelling). He is now, after many months, bailing on the business. It will end up with a law suit. No fun.
It' good that you know when to move on rather than bang your head against the wall trying to fix it. That's the strong woman I was referring to. We should all have that strength.
Good Luck.

rm_tennismaiden replies on 7/26/2006 7:05 am:
Rough end to your Tuesday? Oh my I don't want to touch that!

Sure you can hide with me, lets take a good juicy erotic story and squirm under the bed. Oh no...I've got that damn dog...she might make it a bit tight and well...hairy.

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