Not sure what to write....  

rm_tennismaiden 61F
2103 posts
5/22/2006 4:21 am

Last Read:
5/25/2006 6:23 am

Not sure what to write....

Me Tennismaiden stumped for words?'s a mystery

I've been reflecting back over the last 6 months and after doing some hard thinking will have to make some changes immediately. I'm still sending my boys off to their dads, selling my home come September and continuing to work with my business partner opening our workroom on LBI.

But change is necessary to bring simplicity to my roller coaster life right now. The last three weeks have been horrible emotionally, I was thrown into a Tornado and though I'm deeply compassionate and supportive I have worth that isn't being valued or recognized.

I see my life here at the Shore coming to a halt, I have not many friends and though my partner will miss me she could find someone to take my place. Come fall being settled to begin school is my goal and right now? I'm not sure of anything.

I suppose the success of the business will dictate whether I stay or go, it's surely not the small group of local supporters. I have few of them, they are so entrenched in their own lives, my life is invisible.

It's sad really...I've picked myself up more times then I care to remember, moved myself, begun again and again. Each time I start over it's with the hopes that I can set down roots and feel welcome. I've never felt that here in this location....maybe briefly but that could soon be a distant memory.

Stability....I crave this...either within myself, my children's lives or a romantic liaison. I've never been one for the highs and lows, drama's or crisis' that pop up inevitably. I would like plain and simple, trust/honesty, great communication and lastly being appreciated for all I am and give to the many areas that are paramount to that which I hold most precious.

When I get another opportunity to write and I'm less fragile I'll enter more...I might wait till my life turns for the better. We'll see.....

HeardLankaMalls 56M
2925 posts
5/22/2006 4:42 am

We all get stumped occasionally (or sometimes often) TM.
And wondering where our lives are going causes us to make decisions. Hindsight is always 20/20. Whatever you decide to do, and where ever you decide to go, just keep looking forward, and don't let the "what if's" play too much with your mind. I know that's easier said than done, but I think it's probably good advice (now, if I could only follow that advice too).
Keep the chin up, the head high, and plow on; better days have to be ahead...

Hugs, C

Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
5/22/2006 5:13 am


Okay...things have been rough for you, but from what I've read in your previous blogs, you've persevered and risen to the top. You've been banged up emotionally, but who hasn't? "That which does not kill me only serves to make me stronger"'s harsh, it's brutal, but damn if it isn't true.

You have shown great intelligence, a depth that a lot of people don't have in this world today, a heart of true compassion, a sterling character...and I've just seen this from your writing. Don't let those things slip away!!! From the comments I've read on your posts, a lot of people look up to you for that....don't forget that.

I know you want stability...I'd like some stability...but at the same time, I realize that life is a dynamic process, never stagnant, always changing. You don't like a roller coaster pace; okay, change the game to your rules, your style of playing. I don't know what your real time situation is like, so I can't offer any type of "okay, you need to go here and do this" advice. But your smart enough to figure out how to fix the game to your advantage.

And remember, you have support here...always. Take a break, find your focus....your friends here are patient and supportive.

sheeesh, see what happens when I work all night...the preacher in me comes out....sorry, didn't mean to write a book

NG61...leaving behind a red rose tied in black silk ribbon as a token of support....then fades back into the shadows...

MyRealLoverOne 47M

5/22/2006 6:30 am

I hear ya sweetie.......hang in there!

Love, Bri

rm_4acbetman 52M
693 posts
5/22/2006 7:35 am


New to your blog. Seems like I've appeared when you're at a crossroads. Well hopefully you'll be around enough for me to get to know you a little.

juris1993 58M

5/22/2006 7:44 am

You are a uniguely amazing woman and your strenght is amazing hand in there I know you well enough, eventhough not recently, to know you are a survivor.

nedthebundler 57M/60F

5/22/2006 4:12 pm

I feel under-appreciated at times too. You do so much for others, and at the end of the day you're still left with the mess. You feel guilty about wanting to meet you own needs, and others don't seem to take notice, nor offer to help because you're such an organized person, you'll get it done.

Sometimes I crave the intimancy of someone saying "You can take a break, I'll look after it", and know that it will be done. The world sees you as a winner, a provider, someone that has it all, and therefore doesn't need help...

I know different.

Serving you a cup of tea in front of the fire.

Madness takes its toll. Exact change please!

free2chose2 67F

5/22/2006 6:59 pm

lets form the "Steel Magnolia" club

Don't worry, be Happy

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
5/23/2006 9:56 pm

Tennis Maiden- I am sorry to hear this. I have so much admiration and respect for you- I feel you deserve the very best and it is unfair. Sometimes I think life throws at us what we think we can handle? You've been through so much.
I am thinking of you and hope you get through this time.

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