Confidence and Pride  

rm_tennismaiden 61F
2103 posts
5/24/2006 7:20 am

Last Read:
6/27/2006 3:06 pm

Confidence and Pride


Trust or faith in a person or thing.
A trusting relationship: I took them into my confidence.

That which is confided; a secret: A friend does not betray confidences.
A feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep a secret: I am telling you this in strict confidence.
A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.
The state or quality of being certain: I have every confidence in your ability to succeed.

Of, relating to, or involving a swindle or fraud: a confidence scheme; a confidence trickster.
Synonyms: confidence, assurance, aplomb, self-confidence, self-possession
These nouns denote a feeling of emotional security resulting from faith in oneself. Confidence is a firm belief in one's powers, abilities, or capacities: “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face” (Eleanor Roosevelt). Assurance even more strongly stresses certainty and can suggest arrogance: How can you explain an abstruse theory with such assurance? Aplomb implies calm poise: “It is native personality, and that alone, that endows a man to stand before presidents or generals... with aplomb” (Walt Whitman). Self-confidence stresses trust in one's own self-sufficiency: “The most vital quality a soldier can possess is self-confidence” (George S. Patton). Self-possession implies composure arising from control over one's own reactions: “In life courtesy and self-possession... are the sensible impressions of the free mind, for both arise... from never being swept away, whatever the emotion, into confusion or dullness” (William Butler Yeats). See also synonyms at trust

I took the liberty to look this definition up as explained by dictionary(dot)com. Finding the many meanings of particular words a constant intrigue for me as I love the English language but find myself fall short of it's mastery.

I will openly admit I'm not as well read as I should be and know that my intelligence would soar if I took the time to become a book worm. The truth is my talents take most of my time and I'd rather write than read and do other than the sitting it requires for such discipline to read.BUt this is a doubled edged sword, if I took the time necessary my vocabulary wouldn't get stuck as it does so much of the time.

Anyway...the purpose of this post:

I was perusing my emails last night as I was processing my life looking back to see the wisdom that was offered and traveling it's path to see where I might have fallen off. I was reading all sorts of things and noticed a response directly related to attractiveness and it's allure when persons are considering a potential romantic connection.

One of the comments made by my Caesar was he loved when a woman combined not only her looks, intelligence and charm but her confidence in melding these attributes together. And I began thinking about this....of course we adore when a person exudes surety in themselves either personally or professionally, it's very hard NOT to be attracted to someone not willing to be broken or turn to mush with every tough twist of fate that's handed to us on a silver platter.

But at the same time, we are HUMAN! I have pride in myself, know that what I've worked on for years inside is something of value and worth. I can have all the confidence in the world for most of my days but occasionally do fall short of walking tall or feeling deserving of a little "attitude"!

Last night I was talking on the phone with a very good friend, as we were chatting I was helping her navigate through her new computer she had just purchased. Trust me when I say...I shouldn't be the one to be showing anyone what to do with that thing! I might appear to be technologically savvy and can get by but haven't as of yet figured most of the settings or potential of that tremendous entity.

At one point I read her an email that Caesar had sent me from the very beginning and it was surreal, as if he foresaw the future. Thank god I remembered to save this document to my hard dive as losing it would have been devastating. In just a few paragraphs he told more about himself then ever letting on during our months together.

At that instant I began to "let go" of him, of fate, of all my fears and know I was doing the right thing. He so much called it from the very beginning (us) and who was I to question the outcome? My pride slowly began to return knowing it wasn't really me (partly) that directed our relationship, it was circumstances he knew ahead of time that I didn't. With my pride the confidence was creeping into my skin allowing me to realize this was all pre-determined and had I kept those sights before me maybe I could have prevented myself from slipping into such despair from the loss.

In the definition above it also includes the concept of being a "confidant" of trusting another with your secrets and truths. These offerings are given in time if the persons pass the test of being worthy of such regarded truths. I was Proud Caesar had felt me steady enough to share these with me and I would guard them with loyalty.

AS I look back and try to rationalize all the lessons dropped in my lap, I see that ultimately being held in someones confidence is a huge commitment and the brevity of that very overwhelming sometimes. You question yourself if one can maintain the dignity to uphold such secrets and stand by them for as long as possible. The hidden sanctity's aren't themselves the issue, it is the cause and effect of whether they permeate and break apart the bond of that confidence.

As we know, secrets can destroy or solidify the bond between partners. How do we know when we've asked too much of our beloved to hold these truths within and not compromise the discretion we ask of them? I would like to think I can be trusted with those inner most sacred of truths someone bestows upon me. But I will admit, I'm not one for withholding anything from anyone. I'm learning this is a fact of life and new ways to live that life might include an aspect that I'm un-comfortable doing or good at.

I screw up...and here I am openly discussing this. Shit...this is complicated. If I cannot keep MY secrets how could I ever hope to hold sacred some one else's? Ok.....that's where the self-confidence comes in....we learn that to honor each other stretching beyond our personal limitations is a goal as we age. Staying the same is stagnating and evolving a positive new experience offers wisdom and growth.

PLease forgive me....I'm still learning, a project yet to be finished. Hey after all...I'm only human!

free2chose2 67F

5/24/2006 8:04 am

As we touch each other lives we leave a shadow/footprint and this mark/reminder brings us to be our present self, they and we are part and parcel of each other's growth whether its a positive or negative experience, you add to the positive aspects of "project self"

Don't worry, be Happy

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:23 am:
With every liaison I've made there has always been an introduction to their "friend" that I had not known before. Each one of these lovely creatures brought more positive joy then the actual romantic interlude. You are another of those rare people who's life has changed and added joy to mine despite the outcome of my failed relationship.

Thank you for adding to this "project self" my only hope is that I've added to yours! {=}

HeardLankaMalls 56M
2925 posts
5/24/2006 8:09 am

And a beautiful human at that!!

As humans, we all suffer the foibles of human frailties. Some are stronger, or appear to be, than others, but we each have our own demons, dreams, fantasies, and ambitions that we deal with. It's a long (hopefully) road that we travel, with much available to each of us to learn along the way. What we make of each point and experience molds us into who we are; along with the encounters, acquaintences, and friendships we make on this journey.

You may not be a master of the English language TM, but you know your limits and what you know, or don't know, and you use it nicely in putting your thoughts down on the paper of this blog. I wish I was so succinct and expressive as you, and others on here are. I love to read, but, translating what I know in my mind to the electronic paper in front of me is always a battle. Have faith in your own ability

Hugs, C think too much rambling again??

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:28 am:
AS long as you've been one of my most precious supporters I've never thought of your words as "rambling" on. They have been heartfelt,enlightening and filled with love.

If you could take the "CORE" of your words and paste them to your blog you might begin to see some transition take place. have the desire and the soul, you just need that extra push to begin revealing a bit more to those of us via your blog.

Make a bold move and blossom as I know you can!

Love to you C!

Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
5/24/2006 8:11 am

I question my actions, my thoughts, my attitude, everything about what I am and what I do every day....

It's called 'work in progress'

NG61...disappearing into the shadows without a sound....

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:32 am: nice it is to find others so accepting of "our" work!

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
5/24/2006 8:52 am

Yes, TM, we are after all only human.
You write so eloquently- your words touch me, and I know what you are feeling (not exactly, but you know what I mean).
You raise such good questions in your post. Honesty, secrets, etc.
It is very interesting that the email you speak of, written at the beginning, you now see in a different way. From what I see, it appears this email contained things that when you read now, tell you the relationship was not meant to be, or to last. I don't know.
Yet because of your feeling for this man, you dove in, because it is true that you can't just forget your dreams, and anything is possible.
And yet real life, and situations, interrupt our dreams. I am sorry for that.
I hope what i write makes sense or you can understand.
I so agree, we are all still learning, no matter our ages- we are all works in progress. Nothing is absolute.

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:38 am:
I believe the only thing I suffer from is eternal hope....With each and every new prospect I keep thinking I might make the difference or be the lucky one to find love.

Oh...I find it alright, I begin to love freely but most are not so willing to reciprocate or love me in return. They all have other loves that interfere, children, careers, other women, addictions, etc.

I should recognize this early on (you would think) and stay WAY past my welcome, I suppose I should end my search and find "self" as the new love of my life. ME!

rm_anacortes 75M
2850 posts
5/24/2006 11:11 am

I screw up...and here I am openly discussing this. Shit...this is complicated. If I cannot keep MY secrets how could I ever


Hang in there!!

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:40 am:
Yeah Ana...some secrets are bigger than others but in the end all deceit from self realizations and truth. I can't live within those confines some's just too much to live a "false" life!

rm_mtnravyn 61M
890 posts
5/24/2006 12:19 pm

TM Two for reflection

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from. Al Franken,

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain

For me it is the acknowledgement of my humanness that allows me to keep going at times. If I was to buy that my mistakes doomed me to hell, why struggle or even try to feel? Someone once said "SIN" is an acronym for "Self Imposed Nonsense"

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:44 am:
You usually know your quotes and who says them...what you didn't know who said "SIN" stands for "Self Imposed Nonsense"?

I enjoy all the quotes you share, I'd never remember a one and appreciate that you use them here for my pleasure.

In closing I'll say I've met a few "sinners" in my time, all of them not really seeing life or the lessons in it. Oh well....

_Safira 55F
11260 posts
5/24/2006 12:44 pm

I love Mtnravyn's words. He's so cool!

Welcome to the Road to Recovery ... I have Pringles, water, shoulders, and tissues as needed.

*gentle hugs*

Safira {=}

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.


rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:47 am:
Just give the bitch CHOCOLATE!

Thanks babe...and so it continues...the quest for Ms. Tennismaiden

QueenCaribbean 40F
12 posts
5/24/2006 9:00 pm

From reading your blog...I think I understand that your trouble started when "Your Man" asked you to be patient while he was dealing with a situation. Before that things seemed to be moving along in a positive direction. If you still feel that special bond with him I wouldn't totally give up on him. Since he has been away has he said anything specific like..."Don't wait for me" or "I don't want to do this anymore" if so that’s a different matter. To be honest...a few week or months isn't really that long. Of course that doesn't mean you have to sit around a wait. But what's wrong with meeting new people. Maybe check out another website and if a gentlemen is able to give you what you emotionally needs so be it. If not...when "Your Man" reappears you will have new strength and you won't feel as if you were just sitting around waiting for him to make you whole. You took your life in your hands and made it happen..all by yourself.

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:53 am:
Thanks Queen, again all good suggestions and yes, I'm taking the neccessary steps for myself. I don't wait for anyone, they either can or can't and aren't likely to change even in the best of circumstances. Realizing this is a painful process and usually too late after you've already invested much of your heart.

I want a crystal ball next time!

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
5/24/2006 11:09 pm

One of the things Blue says to me is that I'm a work in progress, and until it's all finished, it's foolish of me to judge me. Hugs, sweetie.

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:55 am:
I wish I had someone like BLUE around me for support. You're a lucky gal Kelli those kind are rare and precious.

libgemOH 57M/53F

5/25/2006 4:25 am

TM, sometimes, when I read you, I feel like we are growing up together!! This is most definately one of those times!

The saying goes, we only teach that which we need to learn ourselves and the posts you write are things I am going through myself, the advice (GAWD, I hate that word!) I offer is things that I have tried or am trying or wish to try to help resolve these situations.

In this particular instance, I am so happy for you that the letter from Caesar triggered your "letting go" response. What I've found is I cannot "just let go." I need something to boot me in the ass to get me there.

This love stuff hurts. My relationship is solid (the first I've ever had of this type) and it still hurts. But it also feels SO DAMNED GOOD to be able to give of myself and allow another to give of himself and see what the 2 melding creates.

Even if you and Caesar never create together again, the 2 of you have melded your lives together and you will never be the same for the parts of you that are now him. And he will never be the same for the parts that are now you!

You are such a beautiful lady and I am really growing to love and care about you! -B

rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 4:59 am:
Awwww B, I know it's uncanny that we mirror each other on our path some days, the difference is you have something that's working...I'm failing miserably and must "let go" of that failure before it depletes me of all self respect.

I do cherish every moment, they are strands of gold intertwined with my journey, which it seems is a LONG one!

kryztoph908 60M

5/25/2006 10:18 am

Oh My Dear Friend, so sorry to read of your recent travails. The past few months I've had a warm ember glowing in my heart -- my happiness for YOU thinking how everything was working out as you had hoped.

I miss you -- let's talk more soon. Last of my seasonal tennis is Monday/Tuesday -- we'll play in Princeton in June.


rm_tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 5:04 am:
I could really use a good session of ball slamming, can we draw a little face on the yellow creature and give it a name?

I promise to wear my best skimpy tenni skirt and prance about the court for your amusement....even if I suck at the game you'll still have a laugh!

Thanks soon!

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
5/26/2006 6:56 am

tennismaiden replies on 5/26/2006 5:55 am:
I wish I had someone like BLUE around me for support. You're a lucky gal Kelli those kind are rare and precious.

Yeah, well I wish he was more around me instead of hundreds of miles away ...

free2chose2 67F

5/26/2006 9:29 am

You have become a dear friend that I value-hopefully a fork will not come in this road as we travel thru time. btw "fork" is not a metaphor lol

Don't worry, be Happy

rm_maintance122 50M/50F

6/1/2006 11:26 pm


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