Read This & Save 20 Years Worth Of Learning  

rm_talldarkavg1 107M
15586 posts
9/28/2005 7:08 am
Read This & Save 20 Years Worth Of Learning

We have talked many times about the benefits of aging and I noticed I have failed to share one of the greatest aspects of aging with you. That being, what you learn along the way. If you read this, and apply the will have a distinct leg-up for the rest of your life. Yep, this article will pack 20 years worth of life experience into a 10 minute read. Here's some of what I have learned.

We all know that self-breast exams are a key point in getting an edge on potential problems. However, self-administered prostate exams are not. Not only do they cause that tip-toed high-stepping but it can cause immediate rejection at parties. Just don't do it.

Trust me, urinal cakes taste no better ala mode.

Men...when you have a woman in your life and she asks how she looks...there are ONLY 3 words that are an acceptable response. You Look Great!

Ladies...remember, no matter how good he looks...some other woman is already sick and tired of putting up with his crap.

For some odd reason, driving 7 miles under the speed limit with your turn signal on over a 10 mile distance really pisses people off. When they honk, flip you off as they pass...switch from blinking left to blinking right. Courtesy is important.

Never apply Nair to your scrotum!

No matter how angry you are...never use your mate's toothbrush to clean the toilet.

Always hide your toothbrush! Your mate may read my blog.

Never sneak wheels onto your grandfather's walker.

No matter how amusing it may seem at the moment...never rub Vick's Vaporub on someone's G-String.

Although many men find amusement in belching the alphabet, at parties, refrain from trying to impress people by farting the alphabet.

If you ever need to make a point and are not up for it emotionally, pluck hair from your nose. Your eyes instantly water and you gain everyone's sympathy. Very effective when followed by an..."I'm sorry."

Never sit in the third row and use your thumb to flip grapes into an open casket.

Always remember, the first three rows in a church are almost always non-smoking.

I hope this helps you along your journey.

[blog talldarkavg1]

rm_luke69iner 49M
3275 posts
9/28/2005 8:35 am

<<< luke limps back from neighborhood pool where he was just giving out free breast exams and realizes that self-breast exams doesn't mean that he is the "self" in question

Thanks Darth Dad i feel painfully wiser already

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

kyplowboy2 63M

9/28/2005 9:30 am

Psssst! (Whispering) Come 'er a minute! Been hearin' the buzz all over the jungle the past few days! There's a group of 25-30 Amazons fixin' to jump your bones at the convention! Careful ol' buddy, sounds like they mean business, too. Been gettin' all them manicures and pedicures outta the way, bufont hairdos put up, buyin' whole new wardrobes to catch yer eye, bikini waxin' those lil critters....dangerous stuff!!! And that ain't all...seen some down by the river the other day practicin' with their whips while others either polished chains and handcuffs or put saddle soap on all kinds of leather things (don't even know what some of that shit was, but it looked scary to me). Seen one puttin' pills in a bag of lactated Ringers, snickerin' somethin' about a Viagra drip (she musta been a nurse or somethin'). All in all, I'd say you're fixin' to get it Mister! lol Better you than me! Just thought I'd let ya know so you had enough time to start doing stretches and maybe joggin' a little. They gonna kill your old ass. LMFAO. Later (assuming you live thru it!)


PS: Note to Amazons - TDA1 loves butt plugs, ...really he does. (hehehe)

Theflinkychick 107F

9/28/2005 9:58 am

Thanks TallDark... are you handing out diplomas for taking this class?

Not all who wander are lost.

dano6332 57M

9/28/2005 3:03 pm

I thought plucking nose hair was reserved for foreplay? Wait you mean you pluck your own? Dammit

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
9/28/2005 4:18 pm

Everyone knows that pie ala mode is much better than the urinal cake thing.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

mzlola 55F

9/28/2005 7:57 pm

i am cornfused help me

Thanks for your prayers my son is home from Iraq

keithcancook 61M
18138 posts
9/29/2005 6:25 am

LMAO! Well done TDA!

frbnkslady 49F
6183 posts
9/29/2005 5:45 pm

ROLFMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo oh my.... viagra drip.. whips, chains, leather.. damn you will be hurting....

Big gurlz, spitting loogies out of window while driving is bad too, even worse when back window is open...LMAO, my brother-in law did that to my nephew..LMAO


Luvwetcunt1000 50M
1258 posts
9/29/2005 10:40 pm

Good blog Talldark. May I add one? If you need to spit out the window, make sure it's open first. My father-in-law did that once. Boy! Talk about slimy mess!

12 posts
9/30/2005 5:07 am

A true story that is probably unprintable in Ripley's Believe It Or Not. : <p> text A memorable night at The Fillmore East. Here's one that really gets the tear ducts flowing, much like tweezing your own nose hairs. <p> My friend's hypothesis about appearing cool by not wearing any underpants just in case we happened to meet any females at a rock and roll concert and actually got to the point where we would remove our pants, Voila'...ready for action. <p> I felt the need to urinate, so, while standing at the urinal while experiencing the effects of pissing while under the influence of a certain mind expanding substance, my mind kinda wandered: not a good idea. <p> Having finished taking a leak, I proceeded to zip up my zipper, only to find the skin of my dick caught in the teeth of the zipper. What a dilema! To pull or not to pull, that was the question. Should I try to ease the zipper back down? Nice try, didn't work. Back to the drawing board: perhaps I had no other alternative but to yank the zipper down, freeing my captive cockskin. <p> I saw colors (like rubbing your closed eyelids REALLY hard), I saw GOD, but my dilema was finally resolved. <p> RESOLVED: Next time I don't wear any underwear, "Carefull with that zipper, Eugene"!!! Thanks to Pink Floyd & their axe analogy.

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