Hopefully, this will be my last entry to my blog.  

rm_snowman1610 63M
4 posts
6/4/2006 10:30 am

Last Read:
6/4/2006 8:12 pm

Hopefully, this will be my last entry to my blog.

I hope to delete my account soon. I’ve found who I think is my soul-mate and therefore, my searching is over.

A few people have enjoyed reading my entries so I’m adding this one for those of you that enjoyed the other writings. And thanks for the nice emails.

I’ve never liked being with more than one woman at the same time because I can’t focus all my attentions and energy properly. I have plenty of chat buds that I fool around with online but they are just that, “online” buddies and will never advance beyond that. It is a mutual understanding between me and my chat buds. Typically, distance is the key reason why we would not meet but other factors are involved such as age or family etc.

A couple of years ago, I had been chatting with a good friend online and she introduced me to “D”. “D” and I have been chatting over the last 2 years off and on. She is a fun to chat with. We tease each other and we are on the same wavelength when it comes to joking around. In fact, we are on the same wavelength when it comes to most things.

I can’t explain how she knows how I would like something and then won’t leave me alone until I cave and try it. When I finally try what she’s been promoting, I find that ‒ well she was right. For example, she has a favorite radio station and I have mine. She teased me and taunted me until I finally listened to her station for a day. Now, I’m hooked.

She does this to me on other things and it surprises me. I don’t understand how she knows that I will like something or that I would be better off doing this or that. Here’s another example, bear with me in that it will take some explanation.

As I said, we have chatted over the years and typically I couldn’t get her to open up and be serious (or so I thought). She would PM me and we would start chatting. She knows that I am not happy in my current situation. We have chatted about everything from sex to our careers.

Mostly, we would tease each other about sex ‒ she would tease me about her conquests. When it got to personal feelings she would simply change the subject. You see, you think you are in control of the conversation with her but you are not. When it comes to conversation, she’s sneaky. So because of this changing of the subject, I became frustrated and I assumed she was not seriously interested in me other than to tease me or casual chat.

So I simply ignored her. Or if she came online to chat, I didn’t put much effort into it. From my perspective, she was just having some fun with a guy online and there was no real interest in me. Besides, hell, she is beautiful and so sexy. What in the world would she see in me? I continued to cut our chats short. And yet, she continued to initiate chats. We even talked on the phone a couple of times and she is just a blast to talk to. We laughed and enjoyed our conversations. Silly me, I still didn’t see anything developing. Reading back over this, I must be pretty fucking stupid actually. She would ask me to come over to her end of town to meet with her and I would say no and ask her to come here mostly because I thought she wasn’t serious about it.

I mean over and over I would turn her down… I just don’t see why she didn’t ignore me. I am really astonished by her persistence but so very thankful she continued to suggest that we meet.

A couple of weeks ago, I don’t know who suggested it, but we decided to meet and I thought, “OK, I’ll call her bluff. I’ll meet her and then we can move on. She will not be serious and I can at least say we met and let it go at that”. You remember back a few lines when I said she won’t leave me alone until I try something? She persisted to suggest we meet. Not for sex but to just meet. So we met and went through an antiques store and chatted like Forest and Jenny.

OK. I was dumbfounded. I was mesmerized. She was even MORE beautiful and sexy and just wonderful in person. I thought, “Jackpot”. I felt myself slipping. I haven’t had a crush on anyone since my first wife years ago. I tried to resist but it was impossible. I held her hand and kissed her. I melted. My heart just slowly started to give way and before I knew what had happened I was falling for her. Then I hugged her and oh what a feeling.

I begged her to meet me again that evening. She didn’t want to because she wasn’t feeling really up to par. I just kept begging and we did meet again. We talked in a Wal-mart parking lot for 4 hours. I kissed her hand and I kissed her. She opened up to me in that 4 hours for the first time.

Now here is what I find very interesting. “D” is very sensual. I have met other women with ads from AdultFriendFinder (“D” doesn’t have an ad on AdultFriendFinder by the way) and every time, these explorations of the other person - has started with sex and ended up with a sharing of personality (if it actually got that far).

If you have followed my blog entries you know that one of those meetings was experimentation by a married lady who while nice, was using me for sex. And I didn’t say no either so I’m not blameless but my true intent was to establish a relationship and not a one-night stand.

Anyway, with “D” it’s been the other way around. She has had her share of sexual adventures. And I need to ask her how many started with conversation rather than sex. For me, it never has, until now. Oh I have chatted and talked with women before I met them from here. But I never spent hours just talking with them in person before sex was even mentioned. I find that very interesting. It’s really odd for me ‒ the feeling I have. Because I want to make love to her but I am in no rush to do so. I know it will happen and I know it will be wonderful. I am delighted when she calls me on the phone or I see her pop up on my chat messenger. I want to be with her all the time.

She has so many interesting attributes. She can be wild one moment and conservative the next. She can be nasty and naughty. Moreover, she may want to be nasty and will simply enjoy being so. She may put that in your face and simply say, “Deal with it because I am what I am and I won’t compromise”.

She is assertive but she can be submissive and this can happen right in front of you within a matter of seconds. She is mysterious, beautiful, sensual, confident, (did I mention beautiful?), and fun. She is so much fun to be around.

Her personality and joy of life draws people to her. Men become smitten with her because of personality and beauty. However, she thinks that men are drawn to her because of her smile and how that could lead to other things ‒ as she winks telling you this.

She can make friends with anyone in the matter of minutes.

She is so pretty that her smiling face in a photo would make you jealous of how well she is photographed. She is a 48 year old teenager both in appearance (her youthful attitude is reflected in physical self) and in her exploits. She loves rock n’ roll and will be in the front row enjoying the show.

God I hope she never changes. And shame on anyone that would try to change her. If she changes due to being around me then that is her choice. But it would be a shame for her to be “forced” to change if that were possible.

She can be completely conservative and “respectable” in Americana or she can tease the world by letting a few buttons of her blouse accidentally come undone. She does this with class and a care-freeness that would make most women jealous.

But there is more to her than most get to see. This is one indication to me that there is something substantial between us. Because she has allowed me to view into her inner being and see what is being ignored by the rest of the world.

She will ramble about things when we talk. We have used up her minutes on the cell phone and she will talk about anything that pops into her mind. I love to listen to her. And somewhere in the middle of 27 minutes of talk, there will be 38 seconds of a revealing part of her soul that she wants to share with someone, that she wants someone to hear, that she would like someone to know.
It is my joy to be that someone. I hope I can become her permanent intimate lover.

She won’t just come out and say this or that but will say things along the way. She appreciates my picking up on those truths and storing them away and repeating them back to her in later conversations so that she realizes that I’ve “got it”. Because I listen, because I care, because I truly admire her, and because I want her, I think she is getting more interested in the possibility of “us”.

I think what will make us great lovers is the “connection” between us. Some on this website seek a “great lover”. They base that “great lover” on the ability to last a long time in bed or to have certain oral skills or to be a great kisser.

Certainly, these are attributes that you must have for a basis to make great sex but they are not what make a great lover.

I believe what makes a great lover is that “knowing” of the other persons desires, their passions of life, sharing their interests, and simply being in a state of “I cannot wait until they are in my presence again” or I miss them so badly. To pay attention to the other persons needs and desires ‒ their passions.

The physical part is all trainable; the intangible things I’ve mentioned are not. “D” and I have the beginnings of the intangibles ‒ it excites me. And I’m not sure she’s had this before. I sense that she hasn’t really had anyone in her life that put her first. And I’d LOVE to do that for her.

When she started getting serious about meeting and becoming interested in me, she said she was “turned on” by my intelligence. She is somewhat fascinated with me I think because of this. And while I have tidbits of insight into what she thinks about me. I still don’t have a complete understanding. And here is what I’ve learned about that. As in the other serious things she has shared with me, she will tell me what she truly thinks of me in her own good time ‒ when she’s ready.

She is a person that needs a lot of freedom because she might decide that she wants to go see a band play at a bar or take her grandson to an amusement park. And this in no way reflects on you that she doesn’t want you or that someone else is seeing her. She simply wants to live life to the fullest. She is a free spirit and if you want to enjoy her you must realize that she is this way. I think many men couldn’t handle this and would be dominating, officious, and possibly abusive.

She makes me think. She made me realize that I had conformed over and over and over until the passion of life was driven out of me. I have had others tell me that I was unhappy in appearance. I knew I was unhappy emotionally. Now, I am on the way to rebuilding myself. I will be happy again and I thank “D” for that. Maybe “D” has saved my life ‒ not physically but emotionally. I look forward to getting my passion for life back.

Anyway, I thought you might like to read what happened to me, how I feel about this wonderful woman, and what I have learned about her so far.

I wish you the best of luck in your search and your happiness.

phoenix639 50F

6/4/2006 12:53 pm

I dont know you at all but i was so pleased to read this.

I am genuinely happy when i hear of people connecting & falling for someone.

I wish you both all the very best in your future together.

Phoe x

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