Saturday wanes  

rm_smosmof2 68M
963 posts
8/26/2006 7:07 pm

Last Read:
9/2/2009 7:48 pm

Saturday wanes


A little more than five hours remains to Saturday, and I still have to post something if I'm going to keep the string alive.....

For me, it's actually become an issue of discipline... posting here every day for two months is probably the most disciplined thing I've ever done in my life.

Whatever virtues I may have, discipline certainly isn't one of them. I'm one of those perpetually late people....not by much... I won't leave you wondering what happened for hours (I've read a lot of comments of people having that done to them) but odds are, I'm likely to be five to fifteen minutes late.... it's always something.

You can imagine what kind of grief I get on the job for this... but no matter what I do, no matter how I try to leave on time, or even a little early for things, something always comes up to derail the train....or at least make it sit and wait while the blockage is removed.

xgf told me that this is a passive aggresive behaviour, expressing my hostility to everyone through a lack of respect. Maybe, but that isn't how I perceive myself.... I think I'm just incompetent at some things (most things).

So here I sit, trying to express myself in other ways, and not knowing why I bother. I find that I'm starting to annoy some people, who respond by just not responding to me.

The damage is done. All I can do is move on. Didn't mean to be offensive, I just don't know when to shut up, sometimes (any time). Talked to a friend in the last couple of days, told him about my blogging....told him that I had discovered how longwinded I am...."just figuring that out now?" was his response.... and this is from someone who likes and respects me.

Part of it is a tendency on my part, when I think that someone likes me, to push a little, and keep pushing until I get some kind of response, one way or the other.... Three times now in the last month, I've been sent to Coventry....

I'm convinced that a lot of the problem isn't that I've crossed a line, it's more that I haven't the foggiest idea where the line is....(part of why I push, I think, trying to figure out exactly where the lines are, everybody's are different).....how strange that I keep getting the same reaction, or lack of it.... silence--the most maddening rebuke of all.

Worldcon has been entertaining, sort of, even though I'm missing most of it... Got there Thursday night about 21:00, stayed til almost 0400. Got there about 00:30 Friday night--stayed until almost 0400 again.....Hangin' out in the parties, gettin' involved in conversations in the open areas in the middle of the squares made up of the rooms... the Hilton is laid out like a squared three-leaf clover, with the hallways between the room marking out the outlines, and the area in the middle making up very nice outdoor conversation pits, with a swimming pool in one of the leaves.

Nice arrangement for this kind of function. All of the parties are on this floor, and you can check out most of the parties from the common areas, which is better than peering in through to doorway to see if you can find anyone you know or want to meet. Science fiction fandom is a social function, and while the panels and events are good excuses for doing them, it's really all about the parties....people looking for other people, or just holding forth while they have a relatively captive audience....

Me, I'm still looking for chemistry....not finding any (surprise!).

At least here, someone pays attention to me sooner or later....


rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
8/27/2006 5:58 am

I would love to look through the window at you

Kiss Kiss,

Purry {=}

P.S. Dont be offended by my latest blog (16th birthday)...it is just the police officer irked me a bit, but I still love you!

Purry


rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/27/2006 8:29 am:
given my druthers, I druther be on the same side of the window as you.....

rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/27/2006 8:33 am:
and I was going to respond and tell you how well I thought you handled that, and was pleased that you understood what he was doing later...... he probably doesn't get to meet many parents as responsible as you.

I'd never be offended at comments about cops. I'm not a cop, not by a longshot. One of the reasons that xgf left me is that I encouraged her to figure out who she was and what she wanted to be, and then wasn't happy about it when she decided to re-direct her life to law enforcement.... and ny job now? it's defined and "prevent, then observe and report". Those parameters fit me quite well.

curiousinlorain7 60F

8/27/2006 8:42 am

Okay..in comment to your prior post..i've always heard that quote about wishes to be..."if wishes were horses beggars would ride..." Maybe that one is a bit out dated. lol ya circa 1480's lol Okay... you've got to get over this chemistry thing... you know some chemical reactions are NOT instantaneous.. some take months to materialize.. If you are looking for instant chemistry..try swallowing an alka seltzer... you'll get a reaction!!! But with people sometimes you've just got to keep trying spending time with the ones that don't instantly annoy you..or you don't want to slap after meeting them once... There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship that all of a sudden you realize has 'grown' on you and you suddenly can't imagine a future with out that person...

oh, being late a few minutes is just a tiny bit of disorganization... being late over a half hour or more consistently..now that's passive aggressive....


rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/27/2006 9:19 am:
Actually, the kind of chemistry I'm looking for is that I appeal to them enough to give me a chance to grow on them. For most women I meet socially, I think my age puts me out of their radar range (for years it was the fact I was married, I think, maybe it had to do with my invisibility)....they're already getting attention from others, and I won't compete in that kind of environment.

Either who and what I am will appeal to them in some way, or they'll run off with one of the others....

curiousinlorain7 60F

8/27/2006 5:32 pm

I've met a lot of runners lately... sigh


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