Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody....  

rm_smosmof2 69M
963 posts
9/9/2006 9:27 pm

Last Read:
9/11/2006 10:00 pm

Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody....

I'm feeling a little better tonight.

I'm convinced that the problem isn't all emotional. I keep looking at the situation I'm in, and I don't see any viable alternatives. I'm working full time, and barely making enough money to cover rent, phones, gas, gasoline, and electricity. This means that the backlog of my credit card bill is going unpaid, and the interest that keeps adding on just keeps lifting it higher and higher (and I need to use the credit card for emergencies like car repairs). There isn't anyplace I can make any significant cuts.

Part of the problem is that rents are so high in Orange County. I'm paying $1000 a month for a one bedroom apartment. My therapist looked into finding low-cost housing for me back around the beginning of the year. What she found is that it exists, but that there is at least a one year waiting list to get it, and that there are families of four who would kill (figuratively speaking) to be able to get a one bedroom apartment at the price I'm paying......

This wouldn't have been that much of a problem prior to July of 2004, when I was making about three times what I am now. I knew that I'd have to take some kind of cut in pay after I'd been laid off, but I didn't expect I'd end up making just better than minimum wage.

and that brings us to the other major issue--my age. I really do believe that I don't look as old as I am, but any resume needs to include accurate data on my experience, and I fear to think what the results would be if I got a job and then lost it because it was determined that information on it was falsified. And I firmly believe that my age is a major problem in my ability to find work in the field I was previously in..... can't say as I blame them... they can hire some kid fresh out of college with a degree that didn't even exist when I went to college, and pay him half of what they think they'd have to pay for someone with my experience (and that isn't even taking into consideration that most of the jobs in the field I was in have been relocated to India in the last ten years).

Similarly, I strongly believe that my age is one of the biggest strikes I have going against me on this site. I would guess that of all the profiles I've ever looked at here, less than 1% of them do not have a red X in the age box. I really did join Senior Friendfinder and look at the range of people who are profiled there. Sorry folks, but those people are old.... looking for a companion for their golden years... there are people on there 10 years younger than I (at least that's what they claim) who look older than I do.

Of course, I could always lie about my age... I know there are people here (including men) who do that... but if I have to lie about something as fundamental as my age, how could anyone trust me about anything else?

so I should just settle for anything I can get....

fuck that.

I suppose I could consider putting everything I have into storage somewhere, move out of the apartment, and rent a room somewhere.... the savings for this would exist, but be minimal--storage costs are as outrageous as rental costs here. and while I'm at it, I should reclaim the forty-odd comic book boxes I have stored at friend's house up in the San Fernando Valley, and all of the shit that I've never recovered out of the wife's house in Arleta because there's no place to put it in a one bedroom apartment.

So when I'm feeling discouraged and hopeless, it isn't just an emotional state, it's a dispassionate look at the state of my existence and my inability to change any of it substantially without lieing about it (or winning the lottery)....and I just can't bring myself to do that.

So, tell me what I'm blindspotting.

curiousinlorain7 60F

9/10/2006 12:10 pm

Well... I'm very un-hire able. I'm a 49 untrained, uneducated, white woman. ( i've been doing my banking job for over 3 years.. but that really doesn't help getting a job in banking) I've applied for 57 jobs this year that would allow me to be able to live. I've never even gotten a single interview. I am now re-evaluating my options too. it looks as though my only alternative at this time is to move my daughter and me to Tulsa. My parents live in Tulsa and the job market is better there... I don't really want to move. My mom... well she is very over bearing.. so far i've already had a Realtor from tulsa call me.. and even though my first visit isn't until over a month from now.. I have my first interview set up with a bank while i'm there... I know she means well... but it is now and always has been... her way or the highway. and... for all logic and reasoning... i really can't think of anything else to do. I'm glad you don't lie about your age here.. I like you the way you are...

rm_smosmof2 replies on 9/10/2006 1:07 pm:
When she abandoned me last November, xgf tried to convince me to move in with my parents "to help take care of them".

Guarantee you I'll die before I do that. I couldn't wait to get out of there 35 years ago, and I'm certainly not going back now.....

(sometimes I will claim that xgf stabbed me in the back and left the body for someone else to clean up... this is an example of that)

Greekgirl4u06 40F

9/10/2006 3:01 pm

no never lie about anything.....this whole country in my opinion sucks on how they treat citizens that bust their asses to make ends meet...most all jobs are going over seas and most jobs here are being taken over by immigrants who will work for a buck over minimum wage and be happy, sadly i see no change or chance for people like you and i, im fairly "young" but not really, and i luckily have a trade i can use, but its very high stress and the pay isnt worth the hassle.....

rm_smosmof2 replies on 9/10/2006 3:15 pm:
Thank you...

I wanted to ask you, in response to your latest post, what field your degree is in, but didn't because I decided that if you wanted us to know, you'd have volunteered the information....

That pants suit is soooooo sexy on you.....

Hydragenias 57F

9/10/2006 6:50 pm

WoW, been there, done that before and hope I never go back to that point but one never knows. I would never be able to afford $1000 a month rent, that's for sure! I'm glad the cost of living here is low in comparison to most places. I certainly wish you all the best and I'm glad that you are beginning to feel better.

Just keep hope alive that better days are on their way! {=}

rm_smosmof2 replies on 9/10/2006 7:28 pm:
Feeling better just means that I'm in a better emotional state to deal with this situation.

Hope is for believers, who want to think something better is around the corner. If I ever dared hope for anything, I think that beyond a certain point that I would kill myself, just from the accumulated disappointment.

I'm reminded of the song with the line "if you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down..."

PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
9/11/2006 7:54 am

*HUG* Glad you're in a better mood...

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_smosmof2 replies on 9/11/2006 3:01 pm:
Read my next post before you say that.....

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