Crazy for you  

rm_smosmof2 68M
963 posts
7/6/2006 12:04 am

Last Read:
9/2/2009 8:38 pm

Crazy for you

I've been on such a roll..... I'd hate to break the string now...

For the last twenty-four hours, ever since I woke up from a dream, I've been insane. You can tell by the incoherent messages I've been dropping.

Now, under the best of circumstances, I'm stream-of-unconcious writing style, but the last day has been weirder than usual.... almost incoherent (how can you tell?)

The dream wasn't bad, in and of itself. I was out on the freeway, driving something like a go-kart, and saw my cat sitting on something... "Squeaky! What are you doing out here?" and I gave chase... she got away, but I could still see her... then I woke up.

In the dream, I had forgotten that she died last September of liver failure after cancer came back two years after surgery. In the dream, she had been the younger, healthier, feistier cat who adored me for years.. When I moved away from the ex-wife, I would go back for boxes of stuff.. Squeaky would always (always!) climb into the boxes and cry at me. After a couple of months, the wife agreed that she wanted to come with me and agreed to let me take her.. The cat was happy with me for 4 1/2 more years...(including two years after cancer surgery)

When I woke up, and realized she was gone, the sense of loss came crashing in on me. I got up and attempted to write on the computer, and found myself weeping uncontrollably. I gave up, took my shower, and went to work at midnight....

My relief failed to show up at 8 AM... he finally arrived at 11:30. So I came home at noon and went to bed... I'm better tonight, more coherent (a little), but still... seriously out of it.

Maybe I'm suffering from a lack of one of the side products of my weekly poker game. (No game last night.. too many of the guys had to do family stuff on the 4th.) I quite smoking pot last October, except for on Tuesday nights...

I feel particularly isolated. Hopeless. Alone. I can be professional enough at work, but when I come home I revert to being this broken.... thing.

I look at the comments I leave and wonder what's wrong with me...

I look at the post I'm writing and ask the same question.

PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
7/6/2006 8:35 am

I have an idea of what it is...



The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_smosmof2 replies on 7/6/2006 7:48 pm:
It might help if it weren't quite so "virtual"... I think sometimes what I suffer from is just lack of any physical contact, but that's when I'm feeling sorry for myself...

Under any circumstances, the thought is greatly appreciated, as is your continued presence here.... I like the idea that somebody keeps dropping by just to see what I'm saying. The number of comments has doubled in the last month,which is nice, but comments is not what I'm about (obviously), but what's really good to see is the list of people who keep showing up, if not every day, then every couple of days, to watch me chew on the foot in my mouth.....


7/6/2006 2:16 pm

Awwwww.....(((hugs))) and a smooch {=}

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

rm_smosmof2 replies on 7/6/2006 7:50 pm:
Thanks, Mo, the thought is appreciated....

PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
7/7/2006 8:20 am

I know... lack of physical contact is driving me insane. I'm not dating anyone here where I live, and even getting a hug from my parents or the sister I live with entails so much pleading it's almost not worth the bother. Still, knowing someone cares does wonders for the psyche.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

curiousinlorain7 60F

7/11/2006 4:24 pm

Just three little words that might help both the odd dreams and the split frantic personality LOL .... SLEEP!! LESS WORK!!! Nuff said ( hug and kiss to you )

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