canned martini  

rm_silkditty 67F
12408 posts
8/23/2006 9:19 pm
canned martini

I haven't had a canned martini in awhile.

I was first introduced to canned martinis when I worked for an art handling company some years ago.

The company worked with museums, galleries, architects, and very wealthy people and celebrities with art collections. We moved their art around the world, stored their art and installed it.

The owner of the company was a bottom-line kinda guy, and located his warehouses in the industrial section of East LA, where he got bang for his real estate buck.

That won't mean much to most people. Here's the deal:

East LA is Mexican and feels like Mexico. East LA is economically depressed. East LA has very bad air. East LA can feel sad to an outsider.

Every day I got on the freeway and drove down to the bowels of the city, tarring my lungs with the air. Every day I would see millions of dollars worth of art juxtaposed against living conditions of a sadly economically depressed people. Every day I would listen to hysterical dealers, gallery owners and wealthy people scream, unhappy as they dealt with the abundance of their lives. Every day I would deal with incredibly unrealistic deadlines.

The brilliant gold-encrusted emerald gem of this experience was the crew that worked there.

"Intelligent losers," was what George Baby Woods called them. Artists, musicians, actors all needing a day job. Incredibly brilliant minds going to waste. Terribly fun to work with. I would escape from the office into the warehouse as often as I could to play with the guys, enjoying their testosterone and sharp wit.

The warehouse was a continual, moveable art show, a torrent of colors, textures, exotic objects, artifacts, canvas, marble, architectural models, all of it.

Sometimes it was confusing. I would see something that I thought was trash on the floor and find out it was destined for the Guggenheim.

The company was busy, and the stress level was high.

At the end of one particularly bad day, one of the guys smiled and handed me a chilled, green can. It said 'martini' on the side.

I was ready to cry. The Swatch millionaire wanted his Cocteau collection in Paris for a Thanksgiving party with only a week's notice. My gut was in turmoil, my head was twisted from listening to screamers, my lungs charred, my spirit reduced to a dim glimmer lurking somewhere in my 3rd chakra.

"A fucking canned martini," I thought. As far away from where I thought I should be in life as I could be, and this was the topper:

One of the most elegant drinks in the world, in a fucking can.

I cracked it open. I drank it.

Its fire shot through me, and I drank in a symbol.

I drank:

sharp wit
bad air
fabulous wealth
brilliant art
good business
drug abuse
museum foam
hysterical laughter
bad bathrooms
savage humor

all raw material, a beat that can be turned into art at any time

(if I just remember)

I developed a taste for the relentless gritty reality of the canned martini. I discovered that one can contains the equivalent of three martini glasses.

One canned martini can getcha ripped, dude.

It's been a long time since I worked for that company, and I haven't had a canned martini since.

Though I've been thinking about a canned martini today. If I had a canned martini, I would raise it in a salute to one of the biggest jokesters in Blogland.

You know who you are.

Here are a few questions to choose from:

What's your favorite alcoholic beverage?

What's the biggest practical joke you've pulled on somebody?

Have you ever put acrylic paint on your ass cheeks, sat on a canvas and given the 'painting' to someone as a gift?

When you have an orgasm, are you a screamer?

wickedeasy 68F  
31113 posts
8/24/2006 9:21 am

yes a screamer - difficult in the neighborhood i live in -

practical joke - played on my brother at his wedding - suffice to say, the bed did NOT hold up very well and all the balloons underneath it went off with a bang -

and i'm with MzHuny - tequila and lime - no mixer, no salt

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

rm_magnet4u22 50F
18406 posts
8/24/2006 9:30 am

Margarita straight up with the best tequila money can buy.

I can scream, moan, purr or sigh......


gemini0157 60M
6842 posts
8/24/2006 9:51 am

my favorite drink changes with the seasons but my avorite standby is a goose and soda, btw.... were these martinis in a can made with gin?

meerkittykat 43F

8/24/2006 9:53 am

Wow..that was a fabulous post. Dead serious.

East LA--just a few minutes outside of the business bustle of downtown and it's like being in a whole new world. To answer a question you posed to me a while back, no, I don't get to LA often. I haven't been since I left actually. In that massive city there is one person I don't want to see badly enough where 4 million people is too small.

That said.....I'm a Captain and Coke girl at cocktails, and a good, quality Sauvignon Blanc at dinner.

Scream no, moan incessantly.....uh huh.

rm_AnOddGirl 58F
3469 posts
8/24/2006 10:37 am

Oh dayum, send me one of those bad boys. No cans martinis here, just go cups in case you don't finish your drink at the bar/restaurant. YES, you heard me right - we actually let you Walk down the street with your open beer can (no glass please!) 24/7/365. Gawd I love this town!

SirMounts 103M

8/24/2006 4:07 pm

Shhh. *whispering* I hear they're coming out with sex in a can, very soon. *winking*

somethingelse40 76M
14676 posts
8/24/2006 7:25 pm

If I can't have the real medicine, I want the best placebo, or a canned martini.

FrankPicasso 53M

8/24/2006 11:15 pm

Wonderful post, Silkditty! I've never honestly heard of a canned martini. Very cool!

I only drink occasionally, but it's Sam.

Sucking Helium from a balloon, and then freaking little kids out at birthday parties ... not really a practical joke, but the reactions can be surprisingly varied. You get the best reactions if you can keep a straight face and complete an entire series of sentences in one breath. Kids love it. Either that, or they go screaming to their mothers. You never can tell. I always apologize though. Then they want me to do it again.

The paint thing is now on my to-do list. Acrylic? Really? Well ... okay I guess.

I'm pretty quiet in the orgasm department. Especially after closing time.

ohcurious14 60M  
1684 posts
8/25/2006 6:56 am

What's your favorite alcoholic beverage? 7 & 7 and Margarita's

What's the biggest practical joke you've pulled on somebody? Can't tell ya yet. It's in the process now and will probably post it when the joke is over with.

Have you ever put acrylic paint on your ass cheeks, sat on a canvas and given the 'painting' to someone as a gift? LOL, no, But i'd let you paint my ass for me if you wanted to.

When you have an orgasm, are you a screamer? You betcha, the release is ..................... justifiable

florallei 100F

8/25/2006 2:03 pm

Hello SD,
Here are a few questions to choose from:

What's your favorite alcoholic beverage?

I would have to say a lovely chilled chocolate martini (gin)...would they have that in a can?

What's the biggest practical joke you've pulled on somebody?

I told my then 66 yr. old fiancee we were pregnant!!!!

Have you ever put acrylic paint on your ass cheeks, sat on a canvas and given the 'painting' to someone as a gift?

What a greaaaaat idea...It sounds messy and the clean up would be awful wouldn't it...Is that even safe Hun? LOL

When you have an orgasm, are you a screamer?

Have to put a pillow over my face...My lover's love nest is near a highend restaurant and one time (last week) hehehe I screamed so loud...the people were laughing their heads off below...I was so embarassed so from then on pillow is a must have!

Hope to hear from your friends soon, Hun...not to worry they are safe with me wink...

Intensity4U 53M
7432 posts
8/25/2006 7:40 pm

Hey silkditty That's an incredible story. I love your writing. It's a work of art - pictures of so many different concepts. You should write a TV pilot about that experience. You even have the name already - 'Canned Martini' which, BTW, I'd never heard of before.

OboesHonedIambs 63F

9/2/2006 2:44 pm

Great post! there's nothing quite like seeing a painting worth upwards of a 2-3 mil laying on the floor or propped against a wall just like any other ordinary thing waiting to be put up, put away.

When I drink it's gotta be Irish whiskey, neat.

The biggest practical joke I ever pulled on someone was arranging to have our school pricipal's VW van hoisted on top of our school roof, during our school's Senior assembly.

I'm not a screamer.

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OboesHonedIambs 63F

9/3/2006 12:21 am

a daily art feast! (after awhile you can get sick of it... heh,heh)

I know -- temped at an art museum here for nearly a year working with the art curator as her admin clerk. It was a serendipitous assignment and I was so glad for having taken a couple semester's worth of art history in college.

an Irish whiskey lass

oh yes I am. I even have a single waterford shot glass that I drink it from when I'm home

VW van on top of school??? how in the world did you do that, you must have had a crane - funny!

Ah... we did have a crane and all the pranksters involved got away clean. The principal was speechless.

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