Is it possible to fall in love online? Part Deux  

rm_silkditty 67F
12408 posts
4/4/2006 11:10 pm
Is it possible to fall in love online? Part Deux

Realize I am not making myself clear when I quote an AdultFriendFinder member as follows:

"If you fall in love online, you're falling in love with yourself."

I'll try again. Here's why I agree with the above:

It is easy to develop erroneous ideas about the other person when looking at pix, profiles and emails. We have a tendency to project onto the other those qualities and traits that we are looking for, whether or not the other actually owns those traits and qualities. We project our dream of love onto the other.

There have been numerous times that I've been smitten with others online, only to find myself rudely surprised when gazing into their eyes over a martini, thinking "What did you do to the person who captured my imagination online, whack him?"

The truth is that my imagination created the idea I wanted to have of that person.

And let's not forget the invisible realm of scent. We operate on a visceral level, and whether or not we are aware of it, scent plays a huge role in attraction.

I have had my imagination fired up by words on a computer screen, only to have it doused when face to face. The realization is immediate: "I cannot kiss this man." There is no way that we can assess that while online, because a large part of the information we need is filtered through the olfactory system.

I've learned to meet as soon as possible, rather than spending a lot of time emailing.

I'd love to know if others are having romantic success online, and I am merely too analytical and full of blah blah blah.

49AK 56M
1823 posts
4/4/2006 11:50 pm

I think you're definitely on the right track... However, as a guy, it doesn't sound too sincere to say "Let's meet as soon as possible..."

rm_Colleridge 54M

4/4/2006 11:55 pm

I don't think you're falling in love with yourself; it's more that you're falling in love with the notion of the other person that you've created from their communication with you. And it IS possible to discern a great deal from that kind of communication. But there is always the certain something you don't quite get with interaction in real time.

However, I do think that voice or cam gets far, far closer so that youre unlikely to make mistakes.

Technology still has to find a way to deal with the matter of scent though - and we might like to think ourselves too cerebral to worry about it, but I think it does matter, viscerally. If your partner don't smell right, all bets are off!

blackangelflip 42F

4/5/2006 12:00 am

It is possible! it happen to me here AdultFriendFinder. He is just my fantasy! i was dreamin that everything will work out but he said he can't have a girlfriend that he meet here at AdultFriendFinder because he said he doesn't know how to explain that to his friend or family how we meet! . In my mind " He doesn't need to tell the truth! how we meet! besides even he will lie to his family and friends how we meet it's reasonable . He make me believe what he said to me, he said he doesn't care about what people say or his family , friends about his lovelife. He said the important is he love the woman but he lied. It break my heart! really bad .

grouchy68 49M

4/5/2006 1:36 am

It is easy to fall for (what I call) an "on line person". On line a person can be anything they want to be ... very often making up for shortfalls that reality may have dealt them. A few years ago I once fell for a woman living in Texas. We got on like a house on fire. We were soul mates. She told me she was single, etc. I was more than willing to re-locate to be with her ... yes ... I felt THAT strongly. Then one day she vanished off line. I tried ringing but got no answer. Heard nothing for days. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Out of the blue I typed her real name into "google" and bumped into her again on another site. She was married. In fact she was into her fourth husband. She was never single - not even when we were communicating.

Just goes to show .. on paper anyone can be anything.

imLadyBambi 59M/51F

4/5/2006 2:26 am

I tend to agree with you. The on-line experience provides a good method to weed out some and focus one's interest on others. Still, that face to face meeting is all inportant in really assessing what is on the other side of the computer screen.

Its amazing... few people purchase cars without test driving them and getting a feel for the car. Yet some of these people would venture to place their hearts into the "loving arms" of a 'virtual' stranger.

Lady Bambi

49AK 56M
1823 posts
4/5/2006 10:09 am

    Quoting 49AK:
    I think you're definitely on the right track... However, as a guy, it doesn't sound too sincere to say "Let's meet as soon as possible..."
Lemme clarify... It doesn't sound too sincere for ME to say, "Let's meet as soon as possible."

I just sound like a horn dog.

dankos2069 57M

4/5/2006 9:11 pm

Agent 86 reporting for duty

I agree with alot of what you said to support the statement but I dont agree with the statement itself. I'm hung up on the part about falling in love online. Your definition of love is too broad to lend exclusivity to the online experience to be defined as "falling in love" for the purposes of bolstering the 2nd part of the statement. It is not as grand as love. If one does not agree with the premise that you can fall in love online then the 2nd half of the statement falls flat. My personal opinion is that the internet is an impetus, feeds an infatuation thing which, you may know is stronger than love in the traditional sense. Courting and dating are forerunners to the online experience and were, perhaps more poiniant as they happened in person and the whole experience was called love. However, I'm am sure that the nature of the online "love" experience is very strong and painfully sweet as there is the sense of the tragic and the "unrequitted love" in it that we all love and empathize with. Were you in love with the guy you had coffee with? I know you that were not.

My comments on the 2nd part of the statement about loving yourself are similar to many other posters here in the basic sense that the ideals you have for a mate do not = "yourself". Make your case there. You did not say it but somehow that implies a degree of narcissism and hmmmmmm, I dont think so for the majority.

My personal diagnosis for you miss ditty is to do less ANALysis and get laid more often.

86 out

I do have fun w/you

dankos2069 57M

4/6/2006 6:06 pm

Miss Ditty
the memo said that knockers were our secret weapon, looks like they fell for it.

I think that the internet is an advanced form of the letter or the telephone call.

I get where you're at and I wish you the best.

rm_F_M11 69M
8 posts
4/7/2006 1:34 pm

I think "falling in love" on-line is a flasehood! It can't be done. True, we project through our fantasy what we might want that person to be like and we CAN love them BUT to actually fall in love - its not possible, not in reality. I do beleive we can feel love for a person but there needs to be a clear distinction between loving someone and falling in love with someone.

blackangelflip 42F

5/12/2006 4:10 am

You know what! I just realize that the sex was so fucking real good that i want to feel his dick every fucking! day is not really! inlove like inside my heart! i would like to correct that NOT inside my heart, it's inside my pussy .lol

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