Down the Primrose Path  

rm_silkditty 67F
12408 posts
5/6/2006 9:26 pm
Down the Primrose Path

Please allow me to introduce Petunia.

She is just on the right side of crazy, treading a fine line, a roly-poly American-born Mexican with white skin. A cancer-survivor with a titanium shoulder, she's a surgery doctor's delight, one thing after another needing to be cut and shored up, but she always bounces back with a laugh.

Petunia's got a little button nose, and the tiniest, most precious bow lips that ever did grace the biggest mouth ever.

Petunia can't stop talking. Her mouth opens and her brains fall out in a stream-of-conscious flow. Her mind and her mouth work so fast, that sometimes her words get tangled up in malapropisms. For example:

"That scared the living dates out of me!"

"Oh, the fan's gonna hit now!"

Speaking of her grandson, who is growing rapidly, "He shot up like cornstarch!"

Of her shoulder: "...my Titanic shoulder."

Of her brother's hernia surgery, "They had to operate or his intensils would fall out." (Her brother calls his penis his 'streudel' and took his very first date to Forest Lawn Cemetary.)

Petunia is a Jehovah's Witness, living in the path of God, and seeming to live pretty well. She never seemed to have much visible support, but was always able to pick up and leave on trips when she wanted, Chicago, Las Vegas, New York,etc., always giving money to her kids and grandkids, an occasional cruise. I guessed she had a pension from her deceased husband, but didn't really think about it too much.

Until today.

But let me back track a bit.

Petunia has a long-time Dear Friend who has a really rocky relationship with her husband, the Cuban Pervert, and Petunia spills the details of the marriage to me.

"He's been cheating on her for years, but she puts up with it." The Dear Friend is also a Jehovah's Witness, and apparently a forgiving one.

The Cuban Pervert is not a Jehovah's Witness, but simply a filthy beast.

"He shaves," Petunia tells me. I shrug, and she says, "Down there." She arches her eyebrows. "He thinks he's a porn star."

And as disgusting as it is that the Cuban Pervert cheats and shaves, it is even more disgusting that he advertises himself online. (quite possibly the Cuban Pervert is on AdultFriendFinder)

The Dear Friend says, "But Petunia, those women who read his ad don't know that he has diabetes!"

A final straw fluttered onto the camel's back one day when Petunia was visiting her Dear Friend, and the Cuban Pervert was looking at pornography online in front of Petunia (was he on AdultFriendFinder?).

"He doesn't know his butt from his hole!" Petunia bristles.

The friendship between Petunia and her Dear Friend began to erode.

"I told my Dear Friend that she couldn't expect me to see her if the Cuban Pervert was going to be there."

But their friendship did manage to stagger along, which is why I was surprised when I saw Petunia today and she told me that she and her Dear Friend weren't speaking, and it was all over.

But the shoe that dropped didn't have anything to do with the Cuban Pervert.

It had to do with Las Vegas.

Petunia and her Dear Friend went to Vegas, and Petunia won a bunch of money on the slots.

I'm not sure exactly what set the Dear Friend off (the story was a little dizzying), but somehow Petunia pissed her Dear Friend off pretty badly.

See, Jehovah's Witnesses aren't supposed to gamble. It's a no-no.

So, whatever pissed the Dear Friend off, it was enough to go tell the Brothers that Sister Petunia was a gambler.

The Brothers hauled Petunia in and asked her, "Sister Petunia, is this true?"

Petunia told me that she doesn't lie (heaven forbid, she may exaggerate a little bit, but that's it...), so she said, "Yes, it's true."

Then Petunia proceeds to tell me that last year (for instance), she made $80,000 gambling.

I'm thinking, "H-h-m-m-m, $80,000, holy shit."

"Are you playing black jack, poker, slots, roulette, what?" I ask.

"Just the slots. And my Dear Friend is the one who introduced me to it 20 years ago. And it's the JW's who give me all the freebies, the plane tickets, the free rooms."

"The JW's?" I ask.

"Jehovah's Witnesses," Petunia tells me.

The truth continues to spill out. Apparantly Petunia is not the only JW who strays down the primrose path, but Petunia is the one who got caught, because:

"She ratted me out!" Petunia is indignant.

"What did the Brothers tell you?" I ask.

"They're not going to kick me out, they're going to discipline me. I told them I saw the light and I'd never do it again.

But, the Brothers asked me 'How are we going to know you're not gambling?'

I said, 'I can show you my tax forms every year, do you want to see them?'

They said, 'No, Petunia, you don't need to do that.'"

And with that, I saw how Petunia had successfully set up a little escape route for herself, if ever, God forbid, she got a little itchy for Vegas again.

'Cause, after all, $80,000 is nothing to sneeze at, if there's no stinkin' JW's looking over your shoulder.

I, for one, am rooting for Petunia to continue her rolicking ways, for she may not have that many years left. They may as well be fun.

(if you made it all the way down here, fanx! this is only a rough draft)


dankos2069 56M

5/7/2006 6:12 am

hi ditty, ....I cant stay away.

Friends will hurt you on purpose because its always personal.
At times, they will cast you out if you give them your honest opinion.

Singularly minded religious people tend to be the most unnecessarily harsh and unforgiving of others I have found - which against most religious tenets. The Book of Hypocracy.....never written but always followed.


somethingelse40 76M
14676 posts
5/7/2006 10:23 am

I like to think of you on days that begin with a morning, or sex, or a rough draft, or cornstarch, or Down the Primrose path. Who couldn’t get off on that?


somethingelse40 76M
14676 posts
5/7/2006 10:28 am

If you don't let me make you happy, I'll make you suffer: or I'll just have to suffer, huh? ... eh? ...


somethingelse40 76M
14676 posts
5/7/2006 10:42 am

Seriously, silkditty, Monkeywoman, my liege, that was a pretty good read, after I finally got around to actually reading it. When could you come in for an acid test?

Of course, that’s it, silky, just let your cranium have it’s way with you until its absolutely done all it can do. Don’t change anything for now, or perhaps for ever: let it flow … let it become … let ‘er rip … right on Down the Primrose Path … that narrow road that winds dead ahead!


dankos2069 56M

5/7/2006 3:19 pm

oh miss ditty....I am not addicted to the site or blogging...you darn fool you. lol


somethingelse40 76M
14676 posts
5/7/2006 7:25 pm

Ain't it?


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