Not the Happy Post...  

rm_sharksnsails 47M
697 posts
1/29/2006 2:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Not the Happy Post...


warning!
I started this (kinda) on another blogger's blog, and decided to finish it here.
I believe this is sort of a melodramatic look at how my enternal dialog attacks my spirit from time to time. It Shows me as I sometimes percieve myself, and how that perception is both self defeating (the old man skin reacts to his verbal attacks), and full of regret.
this post may be bad for picking up chicks, but this is really good therapy for me. So, ... If you don't like depressing stuff read somewhere else.
--------------------------
Parental Rating for this story: MC-17
strong language, mature content violent (or abusive) content, graphic content.
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The Aaron That Once Was

by aaron

(The old man awakens and goes to the vanity.
We see him, in night clothes from behind.)
"Were did my reflection go?"
"This pathetic creature staring back at me, is me?"
"Pray tell me it is not so. It is a trick of the light maybe, pray tell me this bloody war has not taken this toll."
(Camara pans left now we see the old man's face for the first time, it is far more pocked with deep and hideous scars, wrinkles, and spots of discoloration than the reflection and generally looks like hell.
"I was beautiful once, (slightly louder) I was shiney, (much louder)And New! (Yelling at the ceiling)-- And loved!" Long pause a clock noisily in the background.
(less seriously, and with touch of humour)
"And a lady killer too,(starts laughing) he-he-he-ahg-ugh(starts coughing and hacking, and weezing, a little drool runs down the left side of his chin, he ignores this as he either doesn't notice, or maybe does, and just doesn't care enough to do anything about it)
(calming down he relaxes back into a deeply slouched position, his shoulders fall back forward revealing his slightly hunched back)
(To his reflection)(warmly)"Remember that guy?
(now reflecting) "Remember that guy that could do anything he put his mind too?"
(Mocking)"Remember that cool, sauve guy, that (loudly) man-about-town?"
"Remember how proud your parents used to be of you?"
(he crouches closer to the mirror and stares directly into his own eyes, we see both the slightly hideous reflection, and his much uglier real face now in a close up camera shot)
(slyly, coldly, meanly)"Remember your children growing up?"
(Mockingly)"What!? (Very Mockingly, louder) You missed it?!?"
(Yelling)"HA!" (pauses to reflect)
(pointing his finger at the mirror) "You made that happen! You were WEAK and STUPID, you made them pay for your mistakes!"
(small cold sly voice..)"Maybe if you hadn't been such a (yelling) PENCIL-DICK!!!!"
(slyly again, acusingly)"Did you enjoy the parties aaron?"
"Were those parties worth it? did you get to see some (mockingly)-- friends?"
(some of the boils and festering wounds on his face begin to bubble and sort of "heat up" the critical attack is causing the wounds, in the mirror, there is no change)
"Well?" .... "Well?"..... "Well? we're waiting!..."
(mockingly incredulous)
"What?! YOU don't have an answer?"
"Is that why you let them down? all the people who tried to help you who put thier energy and trust into you, ho ho you really made something of your self sonny"
(sing songy) "No answers for aaron, no answers for aaron"
"Well it wasn't like you didn't get enough chances for love. It wasn't like you didn't ever even once meet a woman after words, huh?"
"Nooooo, YOU TALKED THEM AWAY, ALL OF 'EM!"
(Loudly) "YACK! YACK! YACK!"
(quieter, tilting head back and forth in mock conversation, moves hands about, adressing the mirror as if a stranger) "Me Me Me, and did I forget to tell you about me? Oh did I mention MY problems?" "me memememememememememememememme"
(quietly winding up)
"Did you ever think about...."
(yelling)
"LISTENING!?!"
(matter of factly)"Here's a trick, Try finding out something about that girl your trying so .. hard.. to FUCK!, You might actually have impressed them if you had stop staring at thier tits and ass long enough to remember what they said."
(aside, told as secret to imaginary audiance)"Kinda helps when you need to demonstrate that you were.. . whats that wword again..."
"Ahhhhh, Yes, listening..."
(deep sigh, resigning)
"Oh well, you can't have it back ya know -- the aaron that once was, nope, nope nope nopiddy nope"
"...And you'll just have to live with it sonny, until ya finally do something good like getting on somewhere else, ya know?, like another plane of existance, somewhere not so ... alive-ish..."
"But I don't thinking we'll be seeing that other aaron around anymore, heh?"
(straightening himself upright a bit, more military tone)
"Well, ya got stuff to do now, let's go, off to work!"
(exiting out of sceen, camara stays focused on mirror, as he leaves)
"Hup! Hup! Hup! Two! Three! Four!"
Fade to black

sharks

rm_sharksnsails 47M
738 posts
1/29/2006 2:48 pm

NOTES:
This does not reflect a cry for help, a "suicide" threat or anything like that, please don't take it at such. It is a work of fiction designed to portray a feeling. This is what art is.

Hope you are all well.
warmly,
sharks


__Huntress__ 56M/59F

1/29/2006 4:51 pm

Let me kiss you ... the most beautiful about you
is your heart ...

{=}


PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
1/29/2006 7:16 pm

There is so much you hold inside... you need someone who wants to listen.

*HUG*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


rm_sharksnsails 47M
738 posts
1/30/2006 8:20 am

Thanks Y'all,
Huntress, besides helping me to develope courage with my writing you have also allowed my little imagery monster loose. He is small lightly furry green and purple monster. Hairy, with big constantly shifting eyes, he is very muppety. His master (the painter) reins him in from time to time, because the Painter likes more realistic portraits. The little guy got loose when I turned into a sail in your post from a week ago.

Karma, you know what, your right. and thats what I love about blogging. you get someone come along and give you an angle you hadn't thought of. The strength in comunity is that every one has a different point of view. Your perception on this need I have in a relationship (to be heard) is very acute. My wife used to say, "I am listening but you are just saying the same thing over and over again." Yet she wasn't listening, I remember once thinking I'm with someone, but I'm lonely, aint it a bitch.

Flyaway: I was thinking along those same lines. In a buddist sense we have a few of the classics here, fear of aging, seperation from desires, attachment to undesired/encoumbering things, and pain(illness). He is obviously doing battle with his ego, and his sorry state is the result of his ego attacking the entangible self (the image in the mirror). The Painter, gives you his thanks for the compliment.


PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
1/30/2006 2:35 pm

I'm always available to listen, darlin'. Just don't expect me to be able to comprehend much after the third toke on the hydroponic Blueberry. I was really getting lost last night on the phone but I still got the important parts of it

P.S. SQUEEEAK! SQUEEEEAK!! SQUEEEAAAAK!!! *giggle*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


rm_sharksnsails 47M
738 posts
1/30/2006 4:21 pm

Yes, what curious and delightfully dainty noises you make when you..."play" phone therapist with me. I will remember last night forever. and I thank you.

affectionately,
warmly,
sharks


keithcancook 61M
18125 posts
1/30/2006 6:07 pm

It is art indeed. I hope Aaron does not lash himself too severely. Knowledge of a problem is the first step in solving it!

Blog On!


rm_sharksnsails 47M
738 posts
1/30/2006 7:04 pm

keith,
sometimes I do, and when things get so black, and the burdons get so heavy, someone comes along to share the load, and you share theirs. and somehow, it makes both loads seem lighter.

just kinda reminds me of that song "Take a load off annie, and put the load right on me"

sharks


keithcancook 61M
18125 posts
1/31/2006 7:17 am

yes, agreed.


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