rm_sexypinay16 45F
389 posts
2/18/2006 12:10 am

Last Read:
6/30/2009 8:47 am


The past few days has been really tough for me. Dealing with all sorts of problems from work related to petty problems at home, bills filed up, dialogues with my superiors,listening to my co workers problems with our monstrous leaders, planning, and leading them to what we all aimed at and my motherly responsibilty too.
I could barely see the passing of each day. I could didnt notice the passng of a day that is very important to me. At the end of each day I just wanted to lie my back in bed and go to sleep. I didnt allow myself to feel. The pain nad sadness in my heart was kept deeply that no one will ever notice and feel it. Many people rely on me , I can never afford to be sad infront of them. I must put on a brave face in facing the world. I drove myself to work for the past few months . I only allowed my brain and my body to work till the wee hours of the morning. My purpose is to kill the pain and forget whatever loneliness I have. Valentines day came. I woke up at dawn to the ringing of my mobile. A friend is calling. I turned it off...I went back to sleep and woke up at 7 mobile was still off. I wanted to cut myself away from the cruel world. I went to work ..ready to face another were in euphoria...they were all wearing red...the whole school was painted red with their and candies and hearts seems to fill the whole place inspite of the tension thats silently building up. Everyone seems to happy except for me. As though I went inside a different world where I am just a spectator.

In the late afternoon, my co teachers were all hurrying home to their go on date..while few of us left finish the some more work. I stayed until 6 pm...then I went home to my kids. I have no one that day. I just have my kids and I think they more than enough. I am hurting yes but I cannot let them see how lonely and sad their mom was. We cooked and baked some food. We watch NARNIA. They had a great time. I dont want to think of anything that time just my kids and me in this big lonely world. I put them to sleep and we cuddle in the small bed, the three of us. I was so lonely of course thinking that evry Valentines Day , we were like this. I have men who are trying to go out with me. But I prefer the safe haven of my home over them because my heart dont belongs to them.

That night while I curled up in bed holding my babies, an image of a very good man came in my mind, my mind drifted million miles away from a land that is so foreign to me. A silent prayer was uttered for him . I wanted him to be happy because I know he is hurting. Kind, wise, sincere, good, and decent. He deserves to be happy. But why is he so sad and broken? Why did the woman hurt him and made him suffer like that? I wished all will be well between them so he wont be hurting .
Its painful to realized this. I can bear the pain , I just wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to find his home. I prayed for him that night..fervently asking God to make him alright and happy. Love can be mysterious at times and it can be so hurting. Thats how my valentines was...praying and thinking of a very great man from across the oceans.

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

naughty_tongue 46M
2 posts
2/19/2006 9:48 pm

nice thoughts...very candid and real...i like the way you described how you spent your valentine's day...for me i wish there's no more valentine's day hehehe keep writing blogs i hope i can time to read all of's my first time to read blogs but got suddenly interested reading blogs after reading yours and know your inner thoughts. thanks.

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