The Heart Speaks  

rm_sexypinay16 45F
389 posts
3/11/2006 4:37 am

Last Read:
11/28/2009 7:58 am

The Heart Speaks

I had a busy week. Every night I come home just to sleep and be with my kids. I felt like a machine. I wanted this tiredness that numbs my being. Yes, numb, till I feel no more...till my heart beat no more it could never feel the great sadness I have within me. Why am I like this?

Why? Because I love a great man. A love that has brought so much calmness and serenity in my spirit. A love that has made me through this difficult battle. A love shines like a faint light in my dark world. But it was also a love that brought tremendous pain and million heartaches to me. A love in pain...but its the sweetest pain that I ever had.

I love the man very much. But he dont know about it. He made things clearer to me for the first time but I was the one who was so stubborn I kept on my pace. It was a feeling that I could not understand now.

Why him? i dont know...inspite of his pure feelings for me...friendship...inspite of his great love for someone else..inspite of the great distance that seperates us...inspite of his silence...

I do love him so much . And I don't know why...why? why? why? This has been my question for many months now. I still dont have the answers. I only want to love him . To watch him from a far. To make him happy. To be with calm his rub his mend his heart...I wanted simply to love him.

How could I ever tell my heart to stop from beating? How could I ever tell my spirit not yearn for him? How could I stop myself from loving this man? How could I stop the tears from falling? How could deny myself of this feeling?

A deep pain is within me, a part of me is missing. Staying away from me , to save me from more deeper hurts to come and because of this I learn to love him more. He was good. A very good man who in good faith he offers genuine friendship with me.

I tried to hide all these feelings from him, so he won't be bothered , so he won't feel guilty about my pain. I want him to know that he wont have to feel guilty about it , because love is not a choice, its deep feeling that you cannot control or deny. I hate myself when I cannot hide my feelings. I just want to love in silence. I just want him to be comfortable with me without being aware of what I feel.

I love him so much that I dont like to lose a very good friend but I cannot also deny the longing of my soul and the beatings of my heart.

There will be no tomorrows for us. I know for a fact that It will be impossible for him to love me. Its impossible to love a woman who lives million miles away from you. A woman whom you barely saw and touched. Its impossible for him to believe me and my feelings. Everything between us is impossible. I am here wallowing myself in misery and pain for a love that will never come. There is no anger...its just a very deep pain.

For I am asking myself why? Why inspite of the pain why do I love him like this? Why of all the people here online why him? why not someone else ? Why do I love a man who loves someone else? Why do I have to be in pain when he is in pain?

There's one thing I know. I love him more than my happiness. I love him so much that I could walk through the fire and storm. Loving is a great pain.

A pain that seems to kill me for thousand times. A pain that seems to penetrate even to the deepest part of my soul. A pain that sometimes made me want to cry till all the tears will run dry. A pain that brought many questions to me.

If he could feel my pain? If he thought of me only for a second in his busy life? If he still remembers me. Deep in my heart I know he is thinking of me. . I dont know his reasons of staying away. I dont know what's happening in his life rightnow.

All I know is, my heart has finally spoke from the languages that only my soul could ever understand...

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

rm_sexypinay16 45F
311 posts
3/16/2008 11:07 pm

Again....after reading a blog ...i was reminded again of this beautiful post...

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

rm_sexypinay16 45F
311 posts
3/2/2008 11:58 pm

After two years....this post still great captures what I feel...he is still in my heart...temporary insanity l0ng overdue..

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

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