rm_sexypinay16 45F
389 posts
10/30/2005 3:53 am

Last Read:
6/30/2009 8:26 am


My sister Marielle and I went to shopping this morning. We had a very hot temperature here and traffic was so great that we spend more than an hour before we reached Angeles from our place. So inspite of the heat and traffic we really had a great time roaming the city and enjoying the sights and buying flowers for Monday.

All Saints Day. Its our tradition here in the Phils to offer flowers, food, light candles and prayers to our loveones during this day. That's why our topic of conversation also is as morbid as the All Saints Day... We talked about our late grandma and Allan , my crush way back in highschool who died last year because they killed him in an holdup. I was shocked then and cried when I learned the news because I pity the people he left behind..his wife..his children ..his mom... and I think its unfair. But I know God has its own way ... He has great plans..and its time for him to go and see the Divine Master.

We decided to stop by a cafe to have some snacks and rest our tired feet and wallets. ( Only in the Philippines where you can find an unusual raise in prices of commodities without giving raise to workers salaries) tsk..tsk..tsk...tsk..pitiful filipinos..( My radical mind strikes again)

While sipping our coffee..she looked at me intently and asked..." Ate( tagalog word for Sister) Do you believe in soulmates? " Yucks!!! This silly girl is really hopeless romantic like her silly big sister. I almost laugh out loud with her childish question...but I must admit that something with that question made me want to stop...her for further questions ...gathering enough courage to admit to myself and to her..I just told her lightly that...

" Yes , I do believe in soulmates but Im not lucky enough like you to have him." She asked
" Who do your think soulmate is? her question almost made me wanna laugh and cry at the same time.
Soulmate1 ( dumped me 12 years ago )Soulmate2( the father of my kids..and the man who added more misery in tis pathetic life).Soulmate 3( a special someone who emails me everyday but he don't really say anything about love and I dont know his plans but he wanted to see me..connection? Zero. )Soulmate 4...( big connection...strong one..positive...but he is an imaginary character)

.Countless of them came lurking in my mind...Well, I have bunch of them...( just like a football team ..well im planning to have a whole team of them...hahahha)

I dont know which one is real. She is still young..we were both young actually...concept about this soulmate thing made us sometimes dream ..believe and search...

She insist that I must only have one true soulmate...the thing is...I don't know If I still believe in such soulmates.My goodness , after all the pain and mistakes in choosing men in my life who would believe in such childish things? But let me be true to myself and admit what's happening to me now...

But I dont want to tell her that soul has found its mate...finally... and I dont seem to believed it.

My mind drifted million miles away from where we are...yes sometimes I thought he heart tells...but my mind says it cannot in my cage...and he in his different world living his life happily with his people. Yes, he is happy living his colorful life ..and he seems so contented. But deep down in me , I know he tells a different story. I feel him. I feel I met him years ago...I don't know where..he is very familiar...I felt I already knew him for years...And I don't understand.

We had our connections...We both felt that when we met but we were evasive....I wanted to run away from him...and I cannot go on ...I was doomed to spend my lifetime in my lonely cage. And he will live his life happily someday to one of his girlfriends . And I know I will be happy for him. Though a part of me will finally die if that happens ... ( silly me...crazy fool again)

What matters is we have the connection of our souls...which only us could understand. But maybe I'm wrong...he is sad...but he seems to fill every thread of my being. I feel so close to him and yet so far...He seems to feel me ..and I feel him..more than he can imagine. He felt my pain... I felt his pain..his fears..his being..his all of him...

.What matter is ...our souls speak only one tune that our minds and hearts could not understand nor could recognized now. His image seems to fill evry waking hour and minute of my life...and I know I my faceless image seems to fill his life too lately....I know I come too strong for him that he wanted to run away and hide. I felt his fear..his pain in doing that...and I like that though I cried and spend sleepless nights tossing in bed for days because of that. And I hate myself for it. And I know he felt that..he knew..but thats how life is like that.

But now Im fine...I would like myself to believed and I wanted him to rest his spirit so I could rest mine too. Soulmate not a soulmate after all. I wanted to believed...Soulmate 4 is Sponge Bob...he absorbs my every pain...he is my solace...the only person who have touched my life greatly with his beautiful mind and big heart. I consider him God's gift to me...he is like a faint light guiding me in this dark journey of my life...and a person who gives me HOPE .. given me LOVE in form of friendship...and given me FAITH because he knows I needed it now more than ever.

Unknowingly he has given me so much more than he could ever imagine. I met men ..several men..who tried to connect with me...tried to woo me...tried their charms on me..fell in love too...experienced great pains ..but with all them I didnt find the connection..the unusual connection...that I have with him.

Soulmate or not a soulmate...I don't know heart and my soul will not make a mistake I know. For the first time I love to be in pain because I wanted to go on loving him. Yes I will love him forever in silence.

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

rm_sexypinay16 45F
311 posts
11/2/2005 1:42 am

Jim..beautiful words will always linger forever...will leave marks in my heart and will heal my spirit...thats what you have done to me. Thank you so much.

I will forever remember your words of encouragement and you are one of the beautiful angels that pass me by and helped me though in this journey called LIFE.

Orchids are only grown beautifully if it has been coaxed into sunlight...and you ahve given me light.

For me to see how beautiful life can be and how blessed I am.

I will forever be an orchid to my kids, to my family, to the network of people here and to you.

God bless you more too and your happy Jim..reach for the light too. ..

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

jim5131 56M
1296 posts
10/30/2005 11:46 am

Pinay, we are a million miles away and we can still touch each other. Your writings of your heart have touched more than have several friends that see you every day and I love the way that you're opening an orchid in the morning.

Delicate. Beautiful. Exotic.

A work of art. Gently coaxed into the light. In the midst of common surroundings, a splash of color.

It is an honor to have touched you and to receive an answer from you. If you think I have given you hope..I can say it was only the hope you already had within you.

You just had to be coaxed into the light.

Now, blossom. Be the orchid to your children. You have so much potiental.

God Bless you and your children, Pinay. God Bless You.

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