Discernment  

rm_sexypinay16 45F
389 posts
8/26/2006 1:30 am

Last Read:
5/30/2008 9:22 pm

Discernment


I have been to a parent's meeting today,I have talked to the nuns of the school of my kids. I asked them about Ian, my eldest son, who has been having behavior problems last school year. They happiy informed me today that he is now more active and focused. He is more happy and secure. He actually told Sr. Claudia, that he is happy because , he now have his dad. He adore his dad so much...he love him so much. He loves having him around. In his innocent eyes his dad was so great. Thats what I have told him as he grew up...thats what he saw in him...I must admit that, he love his sons, he is a great daddy to them. They have missed him....they love him...and he loves them too. He maybe the worst husband to me but he is a great dad to them. He may have hurted me several times but never did he hurted them. He maybe have been selfish to me but never to them. I have perfectly hide him in the eyes of my chidren. To them their dad was a saint.I know all they wanted now is have him forever to be by their side. Sometimes I do ask myself which is the right road for me? What about me? Where does that leaves me? I am in pain...but I will be more in pain , if I will see my kids being devastated if I am going to leave their dad...What will i tell them? I cannot tell them the truth...the ugly truth about their dad...I cannot ruin the image they have created in their young minds. I cannot hurt my angels...my kids. They deserve a complete and happy family...I can hide this pain..I bear any pain..any sorrow...any humiliation...just for them to be happy and secure. I cannot take away an important part of their life...of their self....I love my kids more than my life ...my happiness lies in theirs...
Nowadays, Im back in my cage,sad and hurting...but as I looked my kids, when I see that completeness in them...that happiness in their eyes because of the presence of their dad...I forget my own happiness...I wanted to go on living in my cage with my kids till they grow up...
Back then , I didnt know how people do it...everything was so perfect at the outside..I make beds, I cook food for them, I wash, I clean, I attend parent meetings, I play with them, I laugh with them...but deep inside me I bleed...a part of me has gone..A part of me has died...a part of me is hurting all the time...but I keep on doing these things...I kept on living this life because of them...I cannot hurt them. I cannot turn my back on their dad and devastate their life and broke their hearts. I rather hurt mine than theirs...All I wanted to do now is to discern...to decide not because of what I feel ..or what I think is good for me...but I wanted to ask God what He wills for me and my kids..

Love..Faith ..and Hope..


davidboreanz 41M
16 posts
10/12/2006 8:18 am

Someday you will need to tell your children for the truth. I would encourage you to try to seek help on how you can prepare for that day.

but i admire your strength.


rm_sexypinay16 45F
311 posts
9/3/2006 5:36 am

Hello Fox...thanks sis...for reading me...cant imagine blogworld without you...mwah!!!

hi Ny...mwah!!! thanks for those lines...deep and assuring...

Love..Faith ..and Hope..


rm_ny_guy60 58M
131 posts
9/2/2006 8:54 am

Be strong and face al the burdens...someone is still watching us.


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