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Welcome to my blogworld...








This is Sexy Pinay...I am a woman who have walked through fire and travel her way through storms . I have my share of huge experiences in life, happy, sad, humiliating, depressing,joyful ,failure and winning moments...you name it... I felt it, I tasted it and I experienced it. This is my humble way of expressing myself. I'm a dreamer...a woman overflowing with passion and love... and most importantly I am a writer...Writing has been my passion, my easy getaway when the writer within me is craving to be unleashed. This site is like a home for me . It has been a gift to me because I met a lot of beautiful, warm and great people here.This site is very sacred to me... It is here where I go when I wanted to unleash the writer within me...I welcome you all to discover the beauty, the flaws, the good , the bad, the worst and the great things about me and my life...
I want to thank all the wonderful people whom I met and love in this site. Thanks everyone and I welcome you all into my own little box that will give you a glimpse of who I am , who I was, and who I have become.

Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Please Don't Ask Me...
Posted:Feb 24, 2008 11:37 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2011 5:58 am
7988 Views




While I'm here at AdultFriendFinder blogging I have a headset now...I am listening to this song and I saw it at YouTube...I ove it...perfectly captured words...

Please don't ask me what am i thinking
It's about you
And please don't ask me
I never can see you
What can i do

My first impulse is to run to your side
My heart's not free, and so I must hide
Please don't ask me
What I'm gonna say to you

I toss and turn
Can't sleep at night
It's worrying me, I go to bed
Turn out the light
But your face i see

It only hurts
The more i pretend
That we could ever
Be more than friends

Please don't ask me
Why I'm so in love with you
You could easily make me happy
That I know
But I try my best to never tell you so

I will sing to you my love songs
And pretend but I'll keep my distance right down
To the end
Please don't ask me why I'm not talking
I just can't explain
And please don't ask me

This song is simply captivating...when one is loss for words and afraid talk...love songs are here to help us...to capture what person feels..

7 Comments
being free
Posted:Jul 1, 2011 5:23 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2011 7:05 am
6742 Views

There were thousand times that I thought of riding a bus and to go somewhere. To a different place...away from where I am now. To feel the cold air against my cheek...to breathe in fresh cold air...to release all the burdens in my chest , to unload the pains and to be away from society's measuring gaze. I wanted to play in the rain and be again. I want to run in a seashore shouting at the top my lungs...that I love to be free. I love to bring my back bag, my camera, my journal and to travel to a far away place where no one knows me . Why? I wanted to write a beautiful article or a story maybe. Anything that will give words to what's inside me now. I love to watch sunsets with my camera. To enjoy the serenity, peace and solitude of a quiet beach with a golden sunset. I want to get lost in a crowd and enjoy the freedom it brings. I want to ride my mountain bike and be in wilderness , and enjoy nature. Though I often do this now...biking to different places...I love to do it more...to places that I haven't gone yet. I love to do all these....one of these days...someday....
I am talking about being free To have your own individuality and be the person that you wanted to be.
0 Comments
The Healing World
Posted:Jun 27, 2011 8:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 11:32 am
6110 Views




Healing World
As cold early morn blew my face
I drove my bike to race
I can't help but be amaze
Tothe earth's beauty and grace.

As I linger my gaze upon the field's harbor
I let my broken spirit soar
Like an eagle I fly high
I let the pain out of my lungs...

I let my mind run for miles
I let it glide in my heart
For a minute I thought I die
of fear, pain an uncertaintity.

The unshed tears wanted to fall
But I rather not to show at all
How deeply I fall
Rather I stood tall
With my head high

For the life of me
I can't let pain devour me
I can't let sadness kill me
I can't be defeated by myself
Instead I rode my bike with all my might.

I geared towards the green fields
I let my gaze upon the golden meadows
I let out a silent cry as I marvel
God's gracious gift before me.

I tried to look at the beauty
Inspite of the darkest shadows
Inspite of the turbulent storm
Inspite of the bottomless pain
I carry with me all these years

I drink in to the majesty of the world
I let my eyes roam at the golden horizon
The mountains, trees and endless fields
I let them heal the wounds with their beauty
I let God's voice enter my being.

In silent an powerful way
He is with me, carrying my wounded soul
Healing my broken spirit
Leading my lost soul
To a world made by Him
To remind me that life is beautiful after all.


0 Comments
The Paradise
Posted:Jun 27, 2011 7:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 11:32 am
6118 Views


As cold early morn blew my face
I drove my bike to race
I can't help but be amaze
Tothe earth's beauty and grace.

As I linger my gaze upon the field's harbor
I let my broken spirit soar
Like an eagle I fly high
I let the pain out of my lungs...

I let my mind run for miles
I let it glide in my heart
For a minute I thought I die
of fear, pain an uncertaintity.

The unshed tears wanted to fall
But I rather not to show at all
How deeply I fall
Rather I stood tall
With my head high

For the life of me
I can't let pain devour me
I can't let sadness kill me
I can't be defeated by myself
Instead I rode my bike with all my might.

I geared towards the green fields
I let my gaze upon the golden meadows
I let out a silent cry as I marvel
God's gracious gift before me.

I tried to look at the beauty
Inspite of the darkest shadows
Inspite of the turbulent storm
Inspite of the bottomless pain
I carry with me all these years

I drink in to the majesty of the world
I let my eyes roam at the golden horizon
The mountains, trees and endless fields
I let them heal the wounds with their beauty
I let God's voice enter my being.

In silent an powerful way
He is with me, carrying my wounded soul
Healing my broken spirit
Leading my lost soul
To a world made by Him
To remind me that life is beautiful after all.


0 Comments
To Live in a Moment
Posted:Jun 26, 2011 11:00 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 11:32 am
6124 Views





To live in a moment
stay trapped in golden hours
of a stolen chance.
To immerse myself
in this beautiful suprise
of destiny's will.
I just want to stay
Let this love flow in me
Let the magic of it amazed me.
Let it touch me once again.
Let it blew life in me.
I want to live in moment
Let me taste the bittersweet pain
of the lost memories..
Let me cry of sorrow and happiness
of the fate's wrath...
Let me be happy just for once..
No great pain can equal
The happiness it gives
No great sorrow can match
The love I feel..
No great fear can scare
the living soul out of me.

My heart breaks in pieces now
For I don't this moment to end.
The thought of it scares me
It kills me for thousand times.
My tears can't break free...
But my heart cries out loud.
For I don't want it to end.
I hate to go back to reality.
For I wanted to live just for now.
I can't move my feet away from you.
I can't say goodbye for now..
For a great love that I ever known.


0 Comments
I Learn
Posted:Jun 26, 2011 10:54 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2011 5:30 am
6233 Views





I was so afraid to look at you in the eyes
For I don't want you to see how far I've gone
For I wanted to hide the pain of longing
For I might not see forever in your eyes.
I was so scared to ask you
Of how far you can go for the love we have
Of how much you can love me still inspite of the odds
Of how we will carry on with this.
I was trembling with silent pain
For I quietly hold these questions in my heart.
In pain I am holding on to a great love
With out promises nor expectations.
As the searing pain continues to dwell in my soul
I learn to wait endlessly... silently for you...
I mastered the grace of loving unconditionally.
I love you through the tears...and years..
I never left inspite of the sorrow .
For I am so terrified to lose you again
For losing you is much scary than going through this.
For l wanted this to go on forever.
For I am so afraid to be left alone in the crossroad.
I learned to become happy with little time ..with a little love
I learned to hold on with the subtle promises and elusive time
I learned to wait till you notice me in a secret corner.
I learned to be contented with crumbs of attention and love
I learned not to love myself...to kill my own spirit ...
For this love to live forever.


1 comment
Life Anew....
Posted:Jun 26, 2011 8:52 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2011 9:38 am
6087 Views





Once a blogger is always a blogger....I have been away for months. The last post that i have written here was dated last October 16..my birthday. I was in a verge of breaking up then that's why I run here to write. I consider bloglandia as my secret refuge from the world.
First let me tell what happened to my life in the last few months. There were a lot of changes in my life. I am a lot happier now. I involve myself in my new found hobbies that are dear to my heart. First I enrolled myself in a gym. Everyday I go there right after work. My job is 8am to 4 pm , so I go there around 5 pm up to 630 pm.Then during the weekends I woke up early to ride my bike. I bought my mountain bike last December 2010. From then on i started buying an helmet, riding gears etc, to give way to this new found addiction. Every Saturday and Sunday I am waking up early around 5 am to ride my bike and to go to mountainous places near my place. I can say that life is good after all...Right now while busy with these things I am planning to enroll myself in baking and culinary to ready myself for a permanent life somewhere in Canada. I wanted soooo much to bake cakes and to cook. I can use my Sunday, the whole day with this.I will do this on July. Most importantly, I enjoy my now...they are grown now...my eldest is already 15 yo, the second is 12yo and my youngest is 4 yo. In spite of my busy schedule I still find time with them...everyday after my work out I hurriedly go home to them to attend to their needs. I still have time to go out with my friends too...to dine and to have coffee. They are still the same group of friends that I have since I came here several years ago. I love them like my whole life...
Another big big change in my life is I finally let go of someone in this site. I was no longer the sad and pathetic woman who loves someone who doesn't love me back. Now I let the feeling go. I still chat with him in other network. Our deep friendship is still there all these years but I learned to free him in my heart and soul. I freed myself too. And it feels so good. I realized that I must have the grace and the courage to accept the things that I can't changed. I still love him but I love him now with grace and wisdom. I will just let God do things for me. I live life now with so much happiness and peace.


0 Comments
Sad Day
Posted:Oct 16, 2010 5:38 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2011 7:32 am
6465 Views

Today is a special day for me. This lost soul is in search for a home. This lost soul wanted to go home. This lost soul is in tremendous pain. Today is my birthday...I woke up this morning knowing that this day will be painful ..that this day will be sad....but still my heart dared to hope...dared to dream...dared to hope that it might be a liitle different.

I wonder if the angels from the heavens see my broken soul..i wonder if they see how difficult it is for me to celebrate it alone. When will this lost soul finally gets home?
1 comment
Trust...too hard to earn ...
Posted:Aug 28, 2010 3:54 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2011 9:42 am
6352 Views





Yesterday I chatted with someone very dear to me. I guess "dear" is an understatement to describe my feelings for this man. Everytime I talked to him...my emotions are like wild rivers...without inhibitions and fear I opened up. As much as I don't want to make myself vulnerable I cannot help it. I feel like a trusting when I talked to him. With this man there are silent rules that we have mutually agreed..I wanted to say million of feelings and ideas to him but pride and shame controls me. He said he is scared of me..scared of getting close...I understand why...after a series if turbulent relationships I cannot blame him for not so trusting with women of my kind. I feel sorry and sad for him, how I wished that I could brush away all the doubts and pains in his heart but I guess my sincerity and love is not enough. Sometimes we have to pay a dear price for others mishaps..a sad thought.
All my life I have enjoyed the love and trust of the people around me but this changed when the man I married doesn't trust me enough and it killed the depths of me. Since then I struggled each day to earn his trust but I failed. But no one knows how it ruined me and my life. How I hated myself for trying so hard to earn the love and trust of a very selfish man. Then suddenly I realized that I should not be harsh on myself...why should i care about his trust when he did nothing but to hurt and abuse me. My parents, co workers, superiors, students and have trusted me so much and love me so much why should i be bothered with this unworthy man whom I married.
And now this issue of trusting and loving come face to face with me again with the very dear friend. All these years I have been a loyal and selfless friend. I never left him even for a single minute of his life. I am silently loving him. Five years of friendship....being loyal still not enough to earn his precious trust just because some lunatic women have hurt him so bad. So sad but it is happening...I was also hurt and abused so badly....but I am ready to trust...I am ready to take risk and to fall in love...why not him? I can still see a world full of magic right through my tears and right through a broken glass. It made me sad really...again I was devastated.


0 Comments
Pretty Woman...
Posted:Jul 26, 2010 11:16 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2011 9:49 am
6440 Views

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I am a fan of this movie. When sad and down I turn my dvd on, then I'l tuck myself in bed with hot cup of chocolate then Il watch this beautiful romantic movie. Any woman...or a girl is dreaming this kind of chance. The movie itself is very unrealistic...hopeful romantics like me love this movie so much because it is a fulfillment of their unrealize dreams. When I feel so alone and sad I watch it to pull myself from reality for a few hours of watching. To once again see the world through rose tinted glass. To once again let myself dwell and be captivated in the imaginary charisma and depth of the main male charecter Richard Gere. Oh speaking of men...men like that only exist in movies...in the novels that I read. They are men made by the creative imagination of hopeless romantics like me. These days I dwell myself in romantic movies and novels. I wanted an escape from life's biting reality. These were the days when I day dream of a great love. The days when I wanted so much to fall in love and to believe in it. I wanted to love...to fall in love...to cry for love and to melt myself in love. There is this longing in my heart that I cannot name. Maybe rational minded people will tell me I am foolish to believe and to hope...then call me foolish..crazy...stupid....I don't care..that's their opinion. I know men like them only exist in movies or novels but who knows there maybe one in a million out there...who will love with all their heart...a man who will be selfless...who will never be afraid to take the risk...a man who is man enough to admit that he has fallen pretty hard...and he will follow his heart no matter what.

LOVE... FAITH ...and HOPE..


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0 Comments
Off to Somewhere
Posted:Jul 24, 2010 4:03 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2011 9:59 am
6381 Views






Yeah...the title says it all...Off to somewhere ...to far a away land..to a very very cold place...to the end of the earth maybe... with my . Thats the only thing that makes me a bit positive about going..I'l be with my . But in my heart I am scared and very sad. For I don't know what awaits the four of us to land that is so foreign. For the past few months and until now I am waiting for God's sign..a sign of my freedom or liberation...but I guess God's sign are clear to me now. I have to go with my there is no reason to wait anymore...I will rebuild my life ..our lives and everthing there. To start again but this is something that I have to do as a mom. As a mom who thinks of the future of the . A mom who will endure all the pain and sadness because she wanted a home. Rightnow I am still in pain just like I have been years ago...but I have learn to live with it all these years and I must learn to accept for life will be full of it when I get to the fulfillment of a great Filipino dream...
are growing up fast now...they are now little youngmen who are normal ...we have survived many odds in our lives together , the bond I have with them has grown very strong and solid and I think these are enough for me to survive where ever we will go.
For now I am busy preparing the documents and papers of the four of us. And busy getting ready emotionally to what awaits me. In my heart I am sad because I never wanted to leave in the first place. The reason that I wanted to leave the country then is because I wanted freedom but this time I am leaving only to be imprisoned again..but I have to because I cannot bear to lose my .


0 Comments
Unchained...
Posted:Nov 26, 2009 8:53 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2011 5:03 am
6632 Views

Its been about six months since I left blog land. Those were the days when I have to give up what I most love. Writing. Leaving blogland and being a silent and meek spectator here is not easy. It takes a great deal of effort to forget this site and move on. So for the last couple of months I was busy rebuilding my life back. I was so busy achieving my dreams and living my life in peace. Leaving blogland is painful. To give up something that I love is a great great pain. this site is always sacred to me. This site represents an enormous part of my soul and heart. So to give it up, to let go of it and to finally leave it has created a some kind of vacuum within me. Sometimes I still drop by to check some blogs of old friends but I don't stay long, I just pass by to quenched the longings of soul then I went away silently. But within those months of not being here it has created a some kind of liberation within me. Liberation that has made me whole again. I kept myself busy with my , my work. Those months that I have been away I found another site that I came to love. But AdultFriendFinder has special place in my heart , more than I can admit, my attachment to this site is one great constant in my life. Now I came back with so much hesitaton, fear and uncertainty...but I tried my best to go back...to fight the demons of my own making. To unchain my self, to freed myself. And now adays my life has changed dramatically since I went away.
0 Comments
Soju's Day
Posted:Jun 9, 2009 10:55 am
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2009 7:53 am
6465 Views

Today is a special day for me...I consider it a sacred day...why? Because yesterday was the birthday of my friend. As a celebration...I went to church , to light a candle and made a wish...long and happy life of course and more courage...
The classes here were suspended yesterday because of the outbreak of the h1n1 virus. So it's something like a 5-day vacation for schools...and that made me really really happy. So today, I started my day with so much work...I finished cleaning our place , do a lot of laundry and cook for the kiddos...then around afternoon, I called my bestfriend so we could watch a korean drama and have chitchat...and have our soju session...hmmmm...it's raining very hard ...I love rain..I love this kind of weather.

Around early evening we started our soju session..( drinking rice wine...a korean wine) in my small kitchen . I prepared some korean dish for her...hmmmm..nice life. There we sat for hours drinking soju and eating our beef barbeque, and spicy korean dish...Now I realized why Koreans love to drink this wine when they are sad or crying...it is so hot and the food so spicy that I could almost cry but atleast I could only feel the hot liquid slide down my throat, as if clearing away the tightness of my chest and the pain in my heart...

My bestfriend and I talked for hours...drinking..crying. If there is someone in the world whom I could trust with my heart's pain and sorrows...she is the one. She is very much like me...To her I was not afraid to open up...you see it takes a while for me trust and to open up...We also talked about her problems and pains...In our friendship we have nothing to hide from each other. We could accept each others worst side without any fear. I only cry to her just like this day...I was so grateful that I have her in my life.

Today is soju's day...because I am so sad...I remember a very good friend...Yvette listens attentively as I told her how much I missed the person...that no matter what that I will always hold on to my good friend. That the friendship and love that I have in my heart is unconditional...rain may fall from the great heavens, snow may fall endlessly from the edges of the earth, till my hair is gray...my friend will always remain in my heart..
0 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
I Learn (2)horny196364
Jun 26, 2011 11:33 am
Unchained... (3)BloodButterfly
Jun 11, 2010 9:24 am
Rain.... (2)horny196364
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BIG WAVES (1)anak_ni_Eva30
May 26, 2009 8:48 pm
Good Life (3)anak_ni_Eva30
May 18, 2009 6:28 pm
The Journey Ahead (6)anak_ni_Eva30
May 13, 2009 3:19 pm
Please Don't Ask Me... (13)anak_ni_Eva30
May 13, 2009 2:36 pm
Unrequited Love (2)anak_ni_Eva30
May 3, 2009 3:50 pm
Little World (2)jim5131
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