Cowardice or nobility? Who's to say....  

rm_sabre7 58M
3 posts
2/11/2006 5:26 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Cowardice or nobility? Who's to say....

It's not a question I'm likely to ever get an answer to, seeing as I've been wrestling with it for so many years already and I'm nowhere nearer an answer than when I started. I'm just musing; recent events have me in a funk of sorts and I'm venting. Isn't that what a blog is for?

To sum it up, the woman I want I cannot have. The woman I'm with I no longer want, and no longer seems to want me. Neither I nor the woman I want are willing to change our situations due to children, and a deep feeling of duty to them. We're not willing to hurt innocents just to fulfill our own desires. A third woman, who has understood my situation and given me the occassional sweet interlude (while making it painfully clear that I could have so much more if only I were willing to make the sacrifices) has found someone else to more permanently meet her needs and I'm letting her go. She's even asked me to give her away at the wedding. How deeply ironic is that? All the while I've known I could be happy with her, and yet she wasn't the one I really, truly wanted.

Most of the time I'm ok with all this. I tell myself that I'm biding my time, waiting for kids to grow up and life circumstances to change so I can make my own changes without hurting too many others. But am I really? Or am I just rationalizing? Am I being cowardly or noble? Aye, there's the rub. In moments like this, if I'm completely honest with myself, I'm usually of the opinion that I'm both.

Become a member to create a blog