the past  

rm_rlandma 42M/41F
392 posts
8/7/2006 10:36 am

Last Read:
8/9/2006 10:07 am

the past

"... if you're not suitable for the future,
you probably won't make it in the
present either ..."
sun ra

i have been thinking a great deal about the past. many people tell me i am wrong for doing so. so i am? or are they not right? it doesnt matter, because even if they are, i can not dwell upon it. to me. we all live in the past. we see the present even though it isnt there. think. you can not live in the present. when is it? gone like breaths in cold winter's night. some say the present extends into the future. no. the future isnt there either. its the trickster god of time. it laffs at us.
no we live in the past.

so why is it that i try so hard to escape who i was?

i was a bad person. it sounds cliched. and childish, but true. i was bad? am i still? can i grow; or am i still bad; but know the difference? can i ever be good?

i dont really care actually. i just want to sit back and think about past pleasures.
so what if i can never have them back.
so what?

fucking mondays.

MakMeLuvItBig 65F

8/7/2006 11:47 am

You are who you are NOW.

Past experiences added to who you are, and helped shape you - good or bad. But you are not any ONE of those experiences, but the sum total of them all.

Good, and even great, people can be formed by, and emerge form a life of negative experiences. You just have to CHOOSE to accept the good as keepers and the bad ones as things to learn from and not repeat.

My husband was an alcoholic for almost seven years just before we met and has totally turned around and is a great guy now. I had my share of "youthful indescretions" and even had "a reputation" as they used to say, but have outgrown those influences.

If who you are NOW is an honest representation of what's really inside you now, you have nothing to apologize for about your past. People change. If you've honestly changed for the better, people will notice.

rm_rlandma 42M/41F
476 posts
8/8/2006 10:37 am

ok, so fair enough, i can change, but can everyone? and is it a double edged sword? if someone changes does that clear the slate for everything? do we have to do penance? what if i did something bad but for a good reason?

what if i stopped asking questions and made with the sexy light handed banter again?

mmmmmmmmmm ....... one post .....four boobies .....mmmmmmmmmmmm .......

on a serious note, been wicked stressed lately, as it may have shown ...promise i'll be back to my goofy old self soon ... i hope .....or who would i be if i ....nope. no more question. am done. or i? .....damn!

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