rm_otrdriver101 46M
3 posts
3/3/2006 10:16 am

Last Read:
3/10/2006 3:43 pm


Some years ago I was involved in a relationship where I became extremely attached to my ex's two children. I cooked, cleaned, bathed them. Saw that their needs were met, and for two years I was Dad in every meaningful way that mattered. It didn't matter to me that they were't mine biologically and still doesn't. Recently, I've met a wonderful woman who is more and more my best friend as well as a sexy and passionate lover, and yet she can not give me the one thing that I wish she could... children. And for medical reasons she'll never be able to.

So, we come to the problem I face... Children or no children? Options... Adopt, seek a new partner, a surogate mother, or a polysmorous relationship. These are by no means the only options, but rather the ones I've thought of or already discussed with my partner.

First adoption... I guess the biggest problem I have with this option is the fact that I want children that are a part of me. I wouldn't mind it if I weren't able to have children naturally.

Seek a new partner... This is the most likely option, and one that my partner understands, but part of me knows how wonderfully rare my partner is and isn't eager to give her up for just anyone simply because I might be able to have children with them.

A surogate mother... This option sounds better, but has its own complications. Ranging from parental rights, to cost. And given my curent situation the most likely version would involve at least a short term sexual relationship with another woman to produce a child. This doesn't bother me as much as the effect such a situation might have on my partner or the later effect such an arrangement might have on my children. Do they know their biological mom, do they feel their loved by both their parents and not simply a convenient product of a financial arrangement.

Last but not least a polyamorous relationship. This one sound easier than it is. Its hard enough funding one woman to love without looking for a second. Can you have enough love to share that your able to meet the needs of not only your children but more than one lover/spouse. And even if you do why would any woman or man agree to such an arrangement?

Well, enough of my ramblings for now. I welcome your thoughts and comments.

rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
3/3/2006 4:06 pm

I think you had it wrong in the beginning. Are you not supposed to bathe them, clean them then cook them? Sorry couldn't help a little humor. I had the same thing w/ past relationship (5 yrs) with the children. So I know just how you feel Dad had them every other weekend, but they still looked to me for all of their upbringing. Now I'm having 1st child w/ mother of them. I'd still do anything for the kids. I would suggest the surrogate mother, if finances allow. You could try getting legal work drawn up b-4 the process, stating thefact that you will be sole custoial parent w/ no other parental rights. As far as drawbacks w/ does the child no it's mother, youcould allow him/her to make his/her own descions. Sorry I could help more.

hotandsexy12002 46F
1 post
3/6/2006 7:02 pm

Wow that's a tough question.. how long have you been with "Ms. Wonderful" as you describe her? Seems like you have thought about many of the options. Adoption is probably the best bet cost and complication wise. There are so many children in the world who need a good home that it seems like the obvious route to me! Good luck!

countrygirl19724 45F

3/10/2006 4:42 am

Have you been in very many serious relationships? If this truly is the right person in your life..I think you should make every attempt to make it work....come to some sort of a mutual agreement. Does she know how strongly you feel about children? That is something that is very important to a lot of people and the best way to address this is to be completely upfront and honest with her, that is if you truly feel she is the one. I personally would suggest adoption. There are so many children in the world who have no one to love them or parents who are not capable of giving the kind of love these children need. If you adopt a child from another country chances are you could get an infant or if you were patient enough here in the US you could get an infant. Adopting an infant or young child would still afford you that bonding opportunity which is basically what you would get with a biological child of your own. Ok, now I've given you my two cents worth. Good luck!

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