More Thoughts on sex and other matters.  

rm_occidental74 43M
13 posts
4/24/2006 7:34 pm
More Thoughts on sex and other matters.

More thoughts on sex and other matters.

You know, I was beginning to think today that I am rather like the put upon guy from "Chicken Run" called Mr Tweedy. He tries to look after the chicken on the farm but his wife is never ever happy, no matter what he tries. He's clearly lower down the peaking order.

Up to a few weeks ago, I had decided to use my msn spaces blog to write about myself in as earnest a manner as I possibly could. But, since I felt inhibited to talk about sex and sexuality, I was limited in what I wrote.

I found myself writing some poetry, for example. Usually about love and so on. Love, for me, being a euphemism for sex. I've had enough of this prevarication.

I'm going to speak frankly henceforth. And, if sex enters my mind, sex is what is going to go down on the paper.

Anyhow, about 2 months ago, I was visiting some blogs in the msn spaces blog universe, and I found a blog belonging to this beautiful young woman from China. A beauty!!. There were some sexy pics of her. For example, a picture of her naked in the Jacuzzi, with her back turned to the photo. Great!! Some pics of her at the gym. She was very hot. Though, she had shortish legs.

I wrote to her. She was having a problem with her msn space at the time with uploading pics and what not and offered to help. We chatted once on skype. And, then, things started to get distant between us. I didn't want to impose on her.

After initially helping me with the translation of a few Chinese words, in a later session, she refused to help me. I posted some messages to her blog, friendly messages. She deleted one of them. I don't know why.

Then, about a week later, she asked me to help her again with uploading pics to her msn spaces. I refused because I had explained it already to her two days previously. After an hour, she typed a tirade of abuse in my direction, saying that "You know why girls don't like you? Because you're a sick". She was Chinese and her typed English wasn't the best. In any case, I was shocked. And, I even let out a few tears that night. I thought about her. My heart was broken. What had I done to deserve being treated like this?

She liked dogs. And I thought to myself, I don't want to be treated like a dog.

You know, I don't want to be like Mr Tweedy. I don't want to be trampled upon. One of the things I learned when I started blogging last August (within a few weeks) is that I am a remarkably timid guy. Too too timid. I just let people walk all over me... I don't want this to continue. I'm going to, for example, get rid of my virginity with all haste now. I'm 32 now. I've no time to lose.

As I have already written, writing about sex, for me, is desperate, but also very liberating. Because great sex is to do with the imagination. And the imagination holds the key to happiness. I have a little pain in my ankle, my left ankle. I wonder how much is this pain real? I did great treatment for it but the damn pain comes back and back again.

It may well be the case that I am just a grumpy guy and there is no doubt that as a younger man I was an angry and grumpy guy at times, with an inordinate interest in politics at the expense of sex, for example.

Maybe, my pain in my ankle is just a discomfort.

I just need to live with it. Surely, this little discomfort, this little case, perhaps of one bone rubbing up against another bone in my ankle joint (where the cartilage is rubbed off both and is causing me discomfort) is not controlling my destiny.

Can my imagination save me? Or will I remain a slave to physical pain for the rest of my days? And, if I am suffering under physical pain, then, I bloody well ought to do something about it, shouldn't I. For a start, put some more anti-swelling cream on the joint. But I've done that already 4 weeks ago and the swelling has gone down a lot. So, the swelling doesn't appear to be the problem. Maybe, it's just that I am overweight. I need to lose a few stone. That's it, maybe.

I guess I am a completely disorganized person. Or, at any rate, I like to live in organized chaos at best. But, I guess this makes me ridiculously lazy sometimes.

Oh, I'm going to write a disclaimer on the side of this blog. It will read "This blog is IN NO WAY a celebration of my virginity. I want to lose it as soon as possible"

I'm absolutely desparate to lose my virginity, to shoot my load... I guess I will have to turn to AdultFriendFinder for assistance here. I've had enough.

Oh, and now I remember another thing I wanted to write about.

A few days ago, one night, at around 12 midnight, I was at home and I wanted to go out for a walk. I looked for a bum bag in which was contained my wallet. I always sling it around my waist everywhere I go. I couldn't find it. And I paniced. I think it was a panic attack. I think I was sweating for a few minutes. My heart was racing. I was searching desperately for the damn thing. I was cursing myself, cursing god, asking him, why was he doing this to me. For my mum, God is a guy. And, then, I found it. It was on the book shelf right beside my computer.

Afterwards, I thought to myself. Why the hell was I holding onto my viriginity.? What's the big deal about virginity anyway? There's no big deal.. I'm getting rid of the damn thing.

What else to say?

At least, I should tuck into a gorgeous woman before I depart this world.

Oh, another thing. I have noticed, particularly amongst my Chinese female friends, that whenever I meet a woman, who has a tendency to exhibit herself, for example, the Chinese female I chatted about. and another one comes to my mind, when it comes to talking about sex, they're actually quite conservative, it seems to me. It's like they just post sexy pictures of themselves to compensate for the fact that they are virgins?

The female sex. I guess I'm never going to crack that code.

oh, and that reminds me of another thing I wanted to chat about.

My virginity is, of course, accompanied by a love for titillation and to be teased. Since, I had made a conscious decision that I didn't want to go all the way, I stil liked to be aroused. So, I often like to approach, online, inaccessible women.

Anyway, that's enough for now.

Paul Carr

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