Regrets, not yet realized  

maverick1255 52M
2992 posts
8/6/2006 9:06 pm
Regrets, not yet realized

Sometimes opening yourself up to feelings deep inside, bring revelations.

Today, I realized that I regret what I have not done with my life so far. And worry about what the future will hold. Lost right now, without direction.

When I was younger, I just figured everything would fall into place. My future - school, career, activities, dating, marriage, life. So many things occurred along the way that changed everything. Each bump causing a deviation from course.

High school was hard. I did well, grade wise, but I never fit in. I was always the outsider. Too old, mentally to really let myself enjoy where I was. Too hard on myself to not screw up, or cause embarrassment to myself. College was harder. A year at UT Austin. Switching majors 3 times and on scholastic probation after the first semester. Then trying to figure things out the second semester. Taking time off, no real plan. Deciding 8 years later that I wanted to finish my degree in Art. Working my ass off from '92 thru '96 to graduate with a BFA in Illustration. Turning this into a internship with Disney as an artist. Then more curves thrown my way. Jobs came and went, faster than I could count. By 2000, I wanted to get out of the art field.

Now, after several more years - nothing to show. What happened to the rest of the plan. Just didn't happen. I sit at a cross roads.

I have so many skills, strengths, creative ideas, and knowledge to share - and no direction. I want to work, but am scared to try. And the whole interview process, being all positive and selling myself. I just don't have it inside.

So, I sit. Afraid of the future, and regretting the past.

Mav - lost in time and space.

freetime648 53F

8/6/2006 11:07 pm

Make a mental list of what you want to do and to get done and do it! Life should never be spent on regret...before long you are regretting regretting...see what I mean??? And by the way...we all have regrets of some nature....if ya do not like it...change it...

xx FREETIME648 xx

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 4:58 pm:
Yea, I can make some big lists and just do it. Some times the starting is the hardest part. Once I am moving, it goes well.

ella1966 51F
1528 posts
8/7/2006 12:03 am

Dear maverick1255

You are officially invited to an orgy in honour of the most Narcissistic Goddess on this site, kelli4u2dew...where Kelli will be:- serenaded with music from the harps and lyres of nymphs and cherubs (generously provided by Diana, of course); feast on a banquet of never-ending sumptuous food with her friends; have grapes fed to her by hand; drink ambrosia - the nectar of the Gods; bathed in asses's milk; serviced by lovers of her choosing to do her bidding; festooned with jewels; and finally walk on a carpet of rose petals to her throne where she will be draped in her royal ermine robes to acclaim her dutiful crown whereupon everyone will gaze at her in reverent adoration, after which the party will officially open until she declares she is spent... Time and Place to be announced...

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:01 pm:
Ella, keep me posted. Sounds like fun. Give Kelli enough time to get back on her feet and ready to par'tay!!!!

ella1966 51F
1528 posts
8/7/2006 12:05 am going through much the same thing myself, having been in a "holding pattern" for the last 15 years or so since I graduated from my first ~nods~ in agreement...

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:05 pm:
Hmmmm, holding pattern? That sounds tough. Was this a 'relationship' hold?

Yea, I am having a hard time energizing up!

lostmydrinkagain 45F
2272 posts
8/7/2006 1:07 am

I can relate I'm tired of flipping the coin at crossroads just to see what direction to turn...

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:09 pm:
Been there with the coin toss. I have worked so many different jobs. I say, Jack of all trades, Master of only a few!

phoenix639 50F

8/7/2006 1:39 am

Mav darling, youre really not yourself lately.

You are going through a very dark episode.

You are speaking as if your life is almost at the end of the road & nowhere to go. Youre only at a crossroads...taking a break.

I bet if you look back at what youve achieved it far out weighs what you havnt.

Things that you havnt done but would like to set a small target of obtaining that goal. I know life gets in the way of some things & money can be a problem for others but other small targets, personal ones can be achieved with just a small kick up the rear.

Youve reflected on the negative now reflect on the positive.

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:13 pm:
Yes, Phoe! The dark side seems like the easy path.

Setting a small target, might be an idea. Reflecting on the positive - that may take a bit. That is the problem, right now.

ShyWhisper2006 54F
15175 posts
8/7/2006 3:10 am

It is hard to see which way to go...and seeing where you came form and not really seeing all that has been is there...and maybe compared to others it is not that much..and perhaps to ourselves as well..but...take a deep breath...and know that with each breath you do make a difference and have made a may not always be seen...but it is you know how many people you may have made smile...?
Perhaps those people felt lost and abandoned and not wanting to go on...but with a few words read of made them smile when nothing else would....You are someone special and worthy me on that one...*smiles*

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:18 pm:
Thanks, I need that reminder.

RubyRedPetal 45F

8/7/2006 4:13 am

the future...the interview process.....when u say u dont have the abiltity to sell yourself...i believe ya, U have no reason to lie.

Maybe what you need, is to believe in is the interviewers ability to see you clearly. Scary (and perhaps irrational?)to belive in people you have never met! If they can see you and others clearly, then you will be judged fairly.

If you having trouble placing faith in urself maybe u need to place ur faith in others. Easy to say. Difficult to do. Faith cannot stand up to scrutiny can it? It not logical!

being lost in time and space is one thing, being frozen is something else.

* *

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:23 pm:
I have always been fairly confident that if I can get the interview, then my strengths and 'charm' come through. I have been told I have a strong charm factor.

Frozen, hmmmmm. I hadn't thought like that.

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
8/7/2006 4:24 am

must be that time of year, hugs hun

too many are feeling a bit lost at the moment

I'm a

i'm here to stay

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:26 pm:
Time of the year, economy, etc. I think there are many factors right now.

Thanks, Papy. I keep meaning to drop into the EHT chat, sometime.

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
8/7/2006 5:42 am

I think there are many, myself included, that feel at a crossroad in some way or another. I too have many talents.....and I am still not doing exactly what I'd love to do. But we get a little trapped by life....the need to pay the bills and all. And the fact that those bills just keep going up, not down.....just keeps you moving in whatever direction pays the bills. I wish I knew exactly what to tell you as far as a solution. And if you figure it out....let me know.

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 5:49 pm:
Yes, it does seem society is throwing a lot of curves, these days.

I feel the bill paying is having an over weighted influence on my hunt and possibilities.

Keep checking back, we will see what I come up with.

VCF1962 106F

8/7/2006 12:24 pm

Sometimes you just need a shove in the right direction.

I was laid off (only the job unfortunately !!!) in October '04 after being fed up and majorly depressed with my job at the time.

Well, I have to admit that having some cash was great - but I sure as hell struggled to get a permanent job where I was paid holiday time etc. I started where I am now, last July and was contracting. They kept promising to take me on themselves from September last year - it finally happened on 10th April this year.

Then they moved my job to another department. The manager here is great fun - as a person - as a manager he's useless. I have been telling him for months that I need assistance for the job to be done properly - but I need someone full time, not some half assed person that really doesn't care. He hasn't listened.

I have an interview Wednesday for another job.

Get a self help book about jobs - I got one from an online bookstore (The A one !!) but lent it to someone that never gave it back - but basically it suggested making a list of things that you want from a job and things that you wouldn't do - me for instance, hate the sight of blood - that counts out anything really medical or police work etc.

Wish I remember what it was called - but anyway, I have tried to live my life with no regrets - you can't change the past so move on and learn from it.

Think about what you enjoy and how you can incorporate more of that into your life and you'll be onto a winner. Interviewing is all about getting practice. Get a good resume together that will at least get your foot in the door and keep at it. Your confidence will grow - another subject to get a book on (I'm waiting for my new ones and if I get this job before I get the books, the irony will not be lost !).

Good luck Mav - I don't know how you can be more assertive about yourself - if you're good at something, take along examples, blow your own trumpet. It's not easy and it's taken me a long time to learn how to do it, but you can.

Mistress Innuendo
Taking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!

maverick1255 replies on 8/7/2006 6:02 pm:
Working on creating that 'shove' right now.

Yea, I get too wrapped up in the right way of doing the job. And when I ask repeatedly to get help or that I need something to complete an assignment and get no response - I start thinking of leaving. I don't take being ignored well.

Hmmm, thanks - VCF.

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