dirty jokes #1090  

rm_longliner002 51M
166 posts
7/16/2006 5:03 pm

Last Read:
7/16/2006 6:33 pm

dirty jokes #1090

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening." Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!" "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No... I just realized that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!"

Teenage Daughter
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the

time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone.
So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing.
Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet

on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser.

"Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?"
"I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."

40th Wedding Anniversary
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy

came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for

a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Too Hot
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors

would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Happy women
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll

miss you..."

The Wife!
Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.

The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know...
''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''

The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...
''Double Income, No Kids Yet. "

The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know...
''Rich, Urban, Biker. "

The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know...
''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''

They turn to the woman and ask her.
''What are you?''

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.''

A Man and his Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and

pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll

have the same."
Again the man re aches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his

pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you

manage to always come up with the exact change out of your
pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared

and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket

and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich

as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with

everything I say."

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