a few jokes ????  

rm_longliner002 51M
166 posts
8/11/2006 3:35 pm
a few jokes ????

Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "AdultFriendFinder"?
A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
Q: Do you know how West Virginians practice safe sex?
A: They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

. . . you see your grandmother naked and it turns you on.
. . . you're homeschooled and you date someone in your class.
. . . your momma was ever asked to leave a Bingo game because of her language.
. . . you've ever put a tarp in the bed of your truck to use it as a
swimming pool.
. . . you know exactly how many cans of spray paint it takes to
paint a 1976 full size Chevy truck.

Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the
fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his
mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away, Johnny. You
can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside
and play."
Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."
Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do
you want to play?" He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy."
Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she
says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?" Johnny says, "You go up to
the bedroom and lie down."
Figuring that she can easily control the situation Mom goes
upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and
opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he
starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the
end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At
the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway. His
mother raises her head and says, "What do I do now?"
In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your ass downstairs and get
that kid some ice cream!"

Double pane energy-efficient
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
expensive double pane energy-efficient
kind. Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed
them. He was complaining
that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still
hadn't paid for them.
Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking Sales
guy had told me last year.... Namely, that in ONE YEAR these
windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year!
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally Just
hung up.
He didn't call back. Bet he felt dumb!

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