a few jokes  

rm_longliner002 51M
166 posts
7/31/2006 7:00 pm
a few jokes

Donald Duck

Donald Duck wanted a divorce from Daisy and he was talking to his lawyer.
"I don't understand, said Donald, "Daisy's not insane!"
"I didn't say that she was insane," replied the lawyer, "I said she was fucking Goofy."


Q. When is a retiree's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Q. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day.

Q. What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A. There is not enough time to get everything done.

Q. Why don't retirees mind being called senior citizens?
A. The term comes with a 10% discount.

Q. Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.

Q. Why do retirees count pennies?
A. They are the only ones who have the time.

Q. What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Q. Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Q. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal

Q. What is the best way to describe retirement?
A. The never-ending Coffee Break.

Q. What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
A. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Q. Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

The Honeymoon

A guy out on the golf course gets hit in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?...I'm going on my honeymoon next week.
The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; ..an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."
He immediately drops his pants and replies,....................... "Look at this,....still in the CRATE!"

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