Dirty Jokes#09090  

rm_longliner002 51M
166 posts
1/3/2006 7:52 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Dirty Jokes#09090


Dirty Jokes#09090
One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around

town with nothing on except his gun belt and his

boots. The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are

you doing walking around town dressed like that?"

Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!"

Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob

should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues "Well

sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and

we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go

in the barn and we did." "Inside the barn we started

a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot

and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up

on the hill so we did." "Up on the hill we started a

kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all

her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well,

I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my

boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened

her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town..."

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the

doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base

of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he

can do unless he's willing to try an experimental

surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The

doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base

of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base

of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that

sounds pretty scary but the thought of never

having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The

doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and

about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try

out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend

out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an

incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly

unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he

undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his

penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table,

grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his

pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments,

then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was

pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes

watering and a painful expression on his face, he

says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another

dinner roll up my ass!"

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife

one Friday evening that reads...
Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I

will be at the Grand
Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old

secretary."
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter

waiting for him that read as follows...
Dear Husband,
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I

will be at the
Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18

year old boy toy. AND,
you, being an accountant, will appreciate that 18

goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

Well, one night a boy and his girlfriend are out on a

date and as the boy pull in his girlfriends drive-way

to let her out she tells him to come over the next

night for dinner and meet her parents. The boy

agrees and the girl says to him that after dinner

they will make love. Well the boy agrees and as he is

on his way home, he thinks to himself ,"This will be

my first time sleeping with someone, so before I go

over to her house ill stop by the pharmacy and buy

some condoms". Well that day went by and they

young boy was on his way to the pharmacy , and as

he purchased the condoms the pharmacist gives him

a mean look, the boy thinks nothing of it and goes

on. Well, when the boy is at his girlfriends house, her

mother asks him to say the blessing before dinner,

well the boy is going on and on about stuff during

the prayer and his girlfriend leans to him and says "

I didn't know you were such a religious person" and

the boy says back " I didn't know your dad is a

pharmacist".
___poem:Will She Come?
by }X{Angel}X{
all evening he waited
anxiously eyeing the clock
retracing his steps
over and over
counting the minutes
until her arrival
kneeling before a crackling fire
adding another log
he rose to check again
his preparations for tonight
the thick sheepskin rug
lay lovingly spread before the flames
waiting for her
the book
the one she longed after
in that tiny shop downtown
rested on the warm stone hearth
waiting for her
the wine
that special bottle
from a few years ago
late fall harvest
sat open
and sweet
waiting for her
the glasses
his best crystal
sat sparkling in the firelight
waiting for her
his hand
stopped a moment
over his heart
and lovingly fingered
the prize there
hidden away in his pocket
where it lay
waiting for her
taking the ring
from its secret place
he gazed at it
mesmerized by its shine
by what it stood for
soon he smiled and
softly slipped it back
to its repose
where it lay
waiting for her
seating himself back on the chair
he resumed his vigil
over the fire
over the wine
over the clock
over himself
and he sat
quiet and lost in thought
waiting for her

tillerbabe 57F

1/4/2006 2:30 am

Stop! STOP!!!! The elephant one "slayed" me! OMG! LMAO! Great BLOG dude! I'll be back!


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