The Grand Art of ManSpeak! Don't believe everything you hear!  

rm_loneremily 34F
380 posts
9/1/2006 5:41 am

Last Read:
9/4/2006 9:34 am

The Grand Art of ManSpeak! Don't believe everything you hear!

I think I'm going to lock myself in my room and cut forever. Guys have been pissing me off. I'm referring to FOUR in particular. Yes, four. All sucky in their own ways.

None WOULD suck if they'd just stick to talking about what they want and NOT say ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE to anything else.

The following phrases and conversation snippets come from all four of them--and although some sound kind and sincere--they all mean "I only want to fuck you and I don't really give a shit about you":

"We should really consider a more serious relationship" says the man that's got a g/f AND is still married.

"When you blogged about not wanting a boyfriend, you weren't talking about me, right?"

"I think we're going to be something special" Fuck buddies aren't special. At all.

"I still love you and I hate to see you this way."

"You will always own me."

"You're the kind of woman that every man wants."

"You're a wonderful person and I love talking to you. I could talk to you all day."

"I would rather date a woman with kids because I don't want any of my own."

"I want to spend more and more time with you."

"I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

"I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

"I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

"I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

There are so many more. I just can't think of them now. Here's the deal: women don't take you for what you said months ago... They take you for what you say now. You (guys) know this. You actively know this.

I wondered why all of these guys would act this way: say one thing and mean another. At first I thought it was because they were pure evil. Every fucking last one of them. Subcretins to be rolled around in fecal matter until their bodies become half mush.


I don't WANT to think there's ever a chance if their isn't one. The guy keeps up the charade because he doesn't WANT me to find someone that I might love--if I do, knowing my feelings about fidelity, our situation would be over.

They're driven by their selfishness. Only. I'm driven by my need for comfort. Only.

I'd rather take a bath.

Choozmi 51M

9/1/2006 8:04 am

I don't know anything about these guys. I don't know the circumstances under which you met them, what your past experiences have been with them, anything.

All I know are the short phrases you shared above. And some of those phrases don't sound so bad.

I know you are frustrated because you don't believe these men. Perhaps they have lied to you in the past. If that's the case then I'm guessing you are entitled to be skeptical. But if they themselves haven't lied in the past, why would you assume that they are lying now?

I don't think it's a good idea to lump these guys all together. If you do you might mistakenly attribute things one has said/done to another, or make assumptions about what one is thinking/feeling based on your past experiences with another.

Step back, relax, take whatever time you need to think things over, and don't make any decisions about any of them until you are ready to think of them as individuals. Then you can jump their bones or cut their nuts off as needed with a nice, clear head.

rm_YipYazoo 51M
22 posts
9/1/2006 12:52 pm

Well said, Choozmi. Although I can empathize with LonerEmily's perspective. Indeed, it's all about setting expectations for both parties.

Since joining AdultFriendFinder, I've really had to study and understand the various types of relationships that can develop. For example, being a "Fuck Buddy" vs a "Friend with Benefits". There are clear deliniations in both roles, but sometimes thinking and being are two different things. And some people are better managing these roles than others.

LonerEmily, perhaps it would help if you would clearly explain to your partner(s) what you expect out of the "relationship".

I (and perhaps others) would be curious as how you define "Fuck Buddy" vs "Friends with Benefits" vs "Boyfriend" in a few blog entries.

I do know, clear communications is paramount in any type of healty relationship whether its FB, FWB, NSA or something more intimate.


IsThisBetter4u 107M

9/1/2006 2:07 pm

If I told you that I wanted to give you that bath because that's how you deserved to be treated would you believe ME?

juicy856 40M/35F

9/2/2006 8:07 pm

i told you I'd stop by wow i understand what your trying to say just keep things straight don't lie about your intentions and i totally agree with you. we are having a similar problem only in reverse. my hubby and i have met with 3 girls told them what we are looking for. they say they are for it. then later 2 of them tried to ask my hubby on a date by himself. fucking psycho girls. he answers them with a only if my wife can come, and that becomes the end of it. i wish they would have just been up front in saying i'm not really down with that idea. oh well

Serenely_Yours 118

9/3/2006 2:49 am

For those conversations, if its not a fuck buddy, then there should be something more serious. And in that case, those conversations that you mentioned, maybe its not meant for you that way. All of us have different agenda. We can say what we want to say and not meant what we say sometimes. We all know that. So if you are looking for one really sincere man, you should know what to expect, love takes time.

٭ ˚ °◦○☻ Serenely Yours ☺○◦° ˚ ٭

rm_loneremily 34F
328 posts
9/4/2006 9:34 am

No--I WASN'T looking for a loving relationship. I told them so. They told me that was how they felt as well.

THEY brought on the mushy stuff... Trying to get me to put on my love-blinders... NO! I WON'T! IT'S MUCH TOO SOON!

All women want to hear that stuff... But we want to hear the really sappy stuff from a potential life-partner. We don't want to hear those things from an FWB... That makes it too painful when the inevitable comes about.

Guys say they don't like to make us cry... Why the hell are they so good at it?

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